Being called self centred because I'm not going to the wedding

[Whatisgoingonheredear]

A friend is getting married very soon, quite a short notice wedding, my baby will be 8 months. The venue is 2 hours away. They've put on the invitations no children at all. Fine, their choice.

We RSVPd to let them know that one of us would come but due to it being no children, we couldn't both come. They proceeded to call us self centred, entitled(?), bad friends. They feel we should get childcare and attend the wedding 2 hours away.
I've explained I am simply not comfortable leaving an 8 month old while I am so far away, and if they would desperately like both of us to attend then they will have to accommodate babies at the wedding, however we understand their choice and therefore only one of us will be going as it is no children. Wished them a nice day and so on.

Since then we have been receiving regular messages asking if we have changed our position and letting us know we are really letting them down.

....surely, SURELY WANBU?

I hope neither of you are going now!

I'd message back that you certainly will not be attending because of their present behaviour.

Weirdos.

No, yanbu. People are entitled to have child free weddings but they are not entitled to be annoyed when people can't come as a result (or for any reason actually). Equally the more they behave badly about it the less enticing their wedding seems!

After that carry on I would reply neither of us will be attending.

I agree with this! They chose a childfree wedding so should have graciously accepted what you say. The fact they have kept going on at you would mean I wouldn't bother going at all

They are not friends. YANBU at all. Their attitude is awful!

The choice to have a child free wedding means that some people can't attend.
It's quite straightforward really

Unbelievable. Based on what you've written, I assume neither of you will be going to your ex-friend's wedding.

The only way Yabu is if either one of your goes and/or you give these people a gift

What a pair of dickheads. I bet when they have kids their little poppets will have to be the centre of the universe.

Just wait til she has a dc .. She will cringe looking back at her current behaviour..

Often on here I see that a wedding invitation is precisely that, not a summons. I fully concur. They seem to think it IS a summons.

I definitely wouldn't go after all that, and nor would my partner.

I assume this person doesn't have kids yet?
No, of course you're not being unreasonable, putting your baby (not yourself) before a friend is entirely normal and reasonable. If they were really a good friend they'd understand that rather than bridezillaing at you.

People were unable to attend my wedding for various reasons. None of these people were belittled with phrases like, ‘selfish’, ‘entitled’, or ‘bad friends’.

I mean you can say no for whatever reason you like, they are cheeky fuckers calling you anything.

These people are not your friends. Don’t waste your time and money on them.

If my "friends" called me any of those things I'd be cutting them of entirely, not reconsidering childcare.

Couples having a child free wedding should be amply prepared for people to RSVP that they can’t attend.

I would change the RSVP to neither of you attending.

Both stay home, people like this aren't friends.

It’s up to them how they want their wedding but couples must understand that sometimes the consequence of their choices like child free or doing it abroad etc means that for whatever reason some people won’t be able to attend.

i have no problem with either.
however a couple want to do their day or that sometimes that means not everyone they want being able to be there so I don’t understand why some people blow their top when that’s the outcome.

honestly op they sound exactly like the type of people I’d be happy to no longer have in my life!

If you have any sense at all you will ditch these self-absorbed dipshits. They are no friends of yours.

At that point, the person who was attending should cancel.

the hosts are being rude.

When you host a child free event, some guests, especially those who are breastfeeding, will not be able to attend. It’s a trade-off the hosts can choose to make. Do they value the adults only event or certain guests attendance more? The answer is personal and depends on the particular guests. A sibling is probably more important than a friend from university.

Oh I forgot to say in my OP. They have 3 kids!

I don't think either of us should go but DH is on the fence, so he can go if he really wants to. I'm not. I get plenty of me time so this wouldn't be him getting a day off and me not, IYSWIM.

Well that's a nifty piece of projection on their parts, isn't it?