Being called self centred because I'm not going to the wedding

[Whatisgoingonheredear]

A friend is getting married very soon, quite a short notice wedding, my baby will be 8 months. The venue is 2 hours away. They've put on the invitations no children at all. Fine, their choice.

We RSVPd to let them know that one of us would come but due to it being no children, we couldn't both come. They proceeded to call us self centred, entitled(?), bad friends. They feel we should get childcare and attend the wedding 2 hours away.
I've explained I am simply not comfortable leaving an 8 month old while I am so far away, and if they would desperately like both of us to attend then they will have to accommodate babies at the wedding, however we understand their choice and therefore only one of us will be going as it is no children. Wished them a nice day and so on.

Since then we have been receiving regular messages asking if we have changed our position and letting us know we are really letting them down.

....surely, SURELY WANBU?

I am going to say on behalf of everyone else that is highly unusual. If you weren't bothered, why weren't the children invited in the first place (unless there is a back story about the more the merrier which is not the case with most weddings)

Ah yes bet that's it

They already have 3 children. The youngest was recently one. 🤣🤣🤣

I would tell them to go and run up a shutter.

They have children.

Are these people close to you? Are they good friends or more like work acquaintances?
If it's the latter and you don't mind burning a bridge or two, you could reply with "Oh my - I didn't realise that it was a summons we received, I thought it was an invitation. Some day in the future when you go through these responses you've received to come to your wedding, you'll look back and think 'What was I thinking' and 'OMG - wasn't I a right bride/groom-zilla'. For the time being, we will politely decline the summons, sorry, invite, to attend your wedding and wish you all the best for the future." (or something to that effect).

Ignore the constant text messages.
They have kids and as such this seems like a really odd request.
Perhaps as others have said they are trying to reduce numbers but still invite everyone. So if you don’t go it’s not their fault.

Its up to you whether you attend a party or not and they are making that impossible for you. I really wouldn’t worry about it anymore. It’s their choice to exclude people.

I would send a really lovely "regrets" card and write something along the lines of given the strength feeling displayed in their repeated texts in response to only one of you being able to make it you have both decided to decline but you hope they have a lovely day

I don't think arse crawling is necessary. Op has already given her very valid reason why they won't be attending.

Ah no it wasn't meant as arse crawling it was meant as a lovely card they'll be so torn about having it up on show or not

Or... you could say.. you're starting to sound like one of those couples they talk about on mumsnet

Poor kids

It sounds like (subconscious) projection to me. They have internalised guilt about leaving their children when they were babies, and are covering that up by getting angry at you for not being willing to do the same. They perceive your decision to put your baby first as showing them up for failing to do the same.

It would be fine for your friends to say they would really like you both to attend their wedding and they are sad that you can't. It is not at all reasonable that they call you names, even if they don't agree with your reasoning. I would be inclined to point out to them that their behaviour is making you re-evaluate the friendship.

Well they can fuck right off then! I would reply that I am too busy being self-centred to attend a wedding. It takes up all my time dontcha know?

I suspect you will not be as cheeky but how bloody dare they!!!

So would I. Stuff them!

Why would you be "really letting them down"..are you the only people invited or something??
Obviously YANBU. Honestly I think people are getting more and more batshit crazy and entitled! (And by people I mean your so called friends! )

Yeah I'd be telling them they are incredibly rude and that would be the last time I spoke to them.
You don't get to call me names for putting my child first and keep me as a friend.

As the invitation was fairly short notice for you, I was wondering if they are now trying to fill places after some guests declined. And inviting a couple but only one of then coming is mucking up their plans

They don't sound like friends to me.

How bizarre! Definitely not BU OP!

I'm completely happy with no children weddings but our friends are aware this means you get one of us or neither of us (depending on location). We have no support nearby and a babysitter would cost us in excess of £250 (or more if overnight distance).

We have only had one friend stop speaking to us as a result (apparently we could have made something work when DS1 was 6 weeks old.....)

Same here. However, I have never been invited to the sort of lavish wedding I read about on mumsnet and none of the brides have displayed anything remotely like bridezilla behavior.

In terms of not wanting babies - this is something I don't understand. I had children and a toddler at my wedding. I barely noticed that they were there. To be fair their parents were the kind that would have taken them out if they had misbehaved.

Mumsnetters are not pixels. We are real people who exist offline too.

If I found myself cajoling would-be guests to attend my wedding under duress (and who would even want to do that - what an awkward, miserable day that would be) I'd rethink my plans and elope.

Based on them harassing you I would change my response to not being able to attend to be honest. People are more than entitled to child free weddings but part of that is accepting that someone will need to stay at home with the kids potentially.

They sound like a pair of awful, tiresome drama llamas. I'd ditch them off completely if it were me.