Being called self centred because I'm not going to the wedding

[Whatisgoingonheredear]

A friend is getting married very soon, quite a short notice wedding, my baby will be 8 months. The venue is 2 hours away. They've put on the invitations no children at all. Fine, their choice.

We RSVPd to let them know that one of us would come but due to it being no children, we couldn't both come. They proceeded to call us self centred, entitled(?), bad friends. They feel we should get childcare and attend the wedding 2 hours away.
I've explained I am simply not comfortable leaving an 8 month old while I am so far away, and if they would desperately like both of us to attend then they will have to accommodate babies at the wedding, however we understand their choice and therefore only one of us will be going as it is no children. Wished them a nice day and so on.

Since then we have been receiving regular messages asking if we have changed our position and letting us know we are really letting them down.

....surely, SURELY WANBU?

There mental. I am having a child free wedding. I have had a friend say can't come due to childcare to which I replied totally understandable will miss you and we will catch up another time.

Attending a wedding is not obligatory, regardless of circumstances. Just say no politely, ignore their vitriol. If your husband wants to attend, that’s down to him and a four-hour round trip.

When next they message say" Yes our position has changed . Neither of us will be coming to your wedding but we wish you both all tge best on your special day! If she falls out with you over it,she is tge self centred one and no freind..

We included our nephews but couldn't have more children as there were too many! Lots of cousins with children - some adults themselves. If they couldn't come then fine. It's a shame but that's the restrictions WE have put on the day, so I wouldn't expect anyone to go out of their way to attend.

Have exactly the same thing with my son's wedding, it's a no children affair and his twin brother and partner will have a breastfeeding 4 month old. Told son they're not going. Now they're not talking.

I am not a fan of blanket no kids weddings....I know it's personal choice (and these days behaviour is a factor). To me you invite kids you know well (close friends and family), but not necessarily of people you know.

But if people want to exclude children they have to accept some people won't go....I mean I can't imagine guilt tripping anyone into attending a wedding for any reason....its an "invitation" you are more than welcome to decline. Its not a summons

I agree...children can make a wedding but the B&Gs children will need someone else to watch them....having other families there is a great way to have someone else being on point.

I also agree being 2 hours away, and getting babysitting for a full day/evening is less than ideal. Many grandparents would struggle with this. A professional babysitter would cost a fortune....and if something did happen you couldn't just pop back.

Even concerts and theatres allow "babes in arms" fgs

It’s their choice not to have children and your choice if you want to have childcare, and therefore both attend, or not. They can’t be annoyed as this is a consequence of their choice. It’s an unfortunate situation but given how they’ve treated you, I wouldn’t sweat it. You do you.

This is such a shame! You'd think he'd allow his twin's baby. Would his brother feel comfortable going for a few hours and Mum stays home with baby?