Being called self centred because I'm not going to the wedding

[Whatisgoingonheredear]

A friend is getting married very soon, quite a short notice wedding, my baby will be 8 months. The venue is 2 hours away. They've put on the invitations no children at all. Fine, their choice.

We RSVPd to let them know that one of us would come but due to it being no children, we couldn't both come. They proceeded to call us self centred, entitled(?), bad friends. They feel we should get childcare and attend the wedding 2 hours away.
I've explained I am simply not comfortable leaving an 8 month old while I am so far away, and if they would desperately like both of us to attend then they will have to accommodate babies at the wedding, however we understand their choice and therefore only one of us will be going as it is no children. Wished them a nice day and so on.

Since then we have been receiving regular messages asking if we have changed our position and letting us know we are really letting them down.

....surely, SURELY WANBU?

Yep you've changed your mind, now neither of you are going - I hope !

YANBU. Weddings turn people into complete maniacs.

It’s an invitation not a contractual obligation. Tell them that you both now can’t accept the invite. That you both wish them well. Enjoy the time as a family and do something nice rather than go to this stressful wedding.

^ This, totally. I can't believe the self-entitlement when it comes to weddings and what is expected of guests. I simply don't understand the psychology of it all, to be honest.

I wouldn't want to leave an 8 month old longer than a work day. If they don't take a bottle then you are relying on solids. You have two naps where they may need to be settled in a different way to usual (if breastfed and not in childcare yet). A work day would be my limit, a wedding plus four hours travel, how long is that?

YANBU. Most people can't get overnight childcare for a weekend at the drop of a hat. And no mother I know would leave an 8 month old with a brand new random babysitter overnight for a weekend either. Wtf are they thinking?

Yeah but my point was it's different for everyone. My kids both stayed with my parents maybe once a month from about 8 weeks, I'd have no concerns leaving them overnight by 8 months.

So if you have an 8 month old, it’s not too long until they are likely to be off to nursery. It might be a good opportunity for a try out of DC spending time baby sat.

On the other hand, I don’t think them say you are being selfish is at all nice and can see why this would put you off

I would both skip the wedding if I were you.

'The height of rudeness'? No - a bit cheeky - yes

Err this. It was just one of those thing when people couldn’t come to my wedding. I rightly understand people are busy and have their own lives. It’s not all about me or my wedding. Still friends with this these people and no bad mouthing

Wow.

To be honest the fact they’re not even having their own kids there would put me off them as people. They don’t sound like my kind of friends.

Sorry, I thought for some reason they weren’t taking their kids. If they are I don’t see how it can be a child free wedding.

If they are as rude as this to everyone who can't go they will find their circle of friends diminishing.

Presumably the three kids won't be there either.

Of course YANBU at all, they’re really odd and I hope neither of you are going now.

I should add that baby HAS been baby sat, for an hour or two where we aren't far away. All day at a wedding with 4 hours travel involved is quite different. So it's not that I won't leave them at all. Just can't for this occasion. It is a shame but
from my perspective it is what it is.

Do you seriously think that won't cause an even bigger strop from the bride
.

Surely the bride will be busy enjoying her day

@ButterCrackersEnjoy the time as a family and do something nice rather than go to this stressful wedding.

^This. I wonder what percentage of people genuinely enjoy a wedding these days. I'd put it in the low 50s, if that. The expectations and entitlement of the build up e.g. save the date cards🙄, the expense and politics of attending, and the inevitable postmortem when everything wasn't 'perfect' on the day.

Will you give a gift whether one or neither of you go? That could be their real concern..

YANBU. I was quite happy to let grandparents babysit an 8 month old for a meal out or cinema trip but I wouldn't have ever asked a non-family member for a 4 hour round trip plus the wedding itself.

I'd also never have leaned on one person (all that would fit in the car with us and baby) to come with us and hover near the venue for hours on end!

Are you mad? You can't just take a baby to a wedding that isn't invited. Particularly an eight month old who might be mobile and needs feeding and is probably enjoying a bit of vocal expression. Newborns are relatively easy in comparison.

It would not be a normal thing to just take a child to a wedding, a bride would notice. Why are you insisting it is?

I think it depends a little bit how close a friend they are and your relationship in general. I know I’ll get my head bitten off now though!

I agree. I think I don't enjoy them because they always seem to be events where I am either a fringe guest (e.g. DH's cousin, parents' goddaughter) or I'm the Maid of Honour and basically working all day for free!