Sister stole my baby name

[JessMathews8]

I'm really struggling to deal with this, my sister is 10 years older than me and has three children aged between 18 and 15. She was done witn having kids, has said this for years and years. But her new partner wanted a baby.I have a 6 year old boy, and currently pregnant with a girl. When I was pregnant with my son, before we knew he was a boy I had a girls name set and was after my Nana, always said that the next baby if its a girl I will name her after Nana, it took us 4 years of trying to get pregnant again.My sister got pregnant one month before I did and said that I'd she has a girl she will be using my Nanas name and it's her name, she's due first so she has first dibs.She didn't find out what she was having, but she gave birth yesterday, to a girl and has named her after my Nana.I'm due in 3 weeks, and feel so angry and upset she has used a name for the last 6 years I have said I would use if I have a girl, I found out its a girl at 16 weeks when she told me I could use the name as I know its a girl but shes literally just named her daughter it. Am I an asshole for being upset and mad?
My mum has told me I'm being unreasonable and she has always liked the name. Which she may of done but she always said she was done having kids, and everyone knew that it was the name I would use if I was to ever have a girl. I feel so hurt

Just use the name. My ex husband had 2 first cousins who shared the same names of both him and his brother. Never caused any problems. Alternatively use a derivative, put a an in the end or whatever suits. Don't let it get to you.

In this situation where she told you you could use the name early on and you’ve been calling bump by that name it really does sound quite spiteful. If she’s generally like that I doubt you’d be seeing that much of her. Just use the name anyway.

I agree, you probably won’t be spending much time together anyway so use your name.

It sounds like she's been discussing using Nana's name for years - through several miscarriages. Her sister said yeah go for it. Then sent a pic of her new baby girl named Nava- just dropped it like that. Shitty behaviour whatever.

congratulations on your pregnancy.
nobody owns a name, use whichever you like.

In our family 2 of my SIL had boys within weeks of each other. The first one knew the 2nd one would name the baby after the father - and then used that name anyway because (well they were antagonistic cowbags so who knows, just to annoy probably) and then the 2nd sister got a cob on for months, but still used the name anyway.

Honestly, just use the name or a contraction of it. she has not stolen anything, you can call your child the name you want. You really can.

My aunt did this to my DM about 70 years ago - aunt's baby was stillborn. My DM never forgot, but outwardly moved on graciously. From my older DS's perspective it was a lucky 'near miss' 😅. It's upsetting but you'll find another lovely name OP.Edit - didn't mean to quote.

I'm with you OP.. I think it's just nasty.. you have wanted that name for so so long..
I real feel for you.
People saying to use it.. l wouldn't.. that would mean their Grandparents having two Grandaughters with same name and that's just weird..
If my daughters used the same name for their sons I'd be so disappointed.
Maybe use it as a middle name and give some deep thought to another beautiful name.

I´m called like my cousin who is 3 years older than me. My brother shares the name with 2 cousins, our father and our grandfather. This is on one side of the family. My aunt Louisa did not get hysterical when her older brother gave me the same name as her daughter. My father always liked the name and just gave me it when the time came. My mum is actually a variation of the same name.
You like it, just name her that. Combine it with a second name if you like. Your sister has done exactly what I am suggesting you do. No one owns a name.

You'd be disappointed if you had two grandchildren with the same name? That's really strange. In my family my brother had a cousin with exactly the same first name and surname (and an uncle too), I have the same name as my cousin. It's fine. No confusion and certainly no bizarrely disappointed grandparents.

I had a similar thing with my SIL blatantly stealing a baby name.

Use the name, OP. And if anyone in your family queries your baby girl having the same name as her cousin simply say “everyone knows we had this name chosen for years.” If anyone outside your family thinks it’s a bit odd for her to have the same name as her cousin just say “it’s a family name, they’re both named after their great-grandmothers” with a smile.

I actually think it’s quite sweet that your Nana will have 2 great-granddaughters named after her 🩷

Make it your sister’s problem, not yours. Say to her now “that’s lovely but you know I will still be using the name”.

Do not budge. Use the name you longed for. No other name will mean as much to you and you will forever resent your sister and possibly your niece if you don’t get to use the name. Stick with it.

Disappointed!! Why? It's a perfectly good name.

We have lots of repeated names in our family. My sister & my cousin, my ds1 and my cousin's ds, my ds2 and another cousin's ds. Lots of middle names repeated too because they are after relatives.

Dp has 2 cousins who are brothers and their dds have the same name.

Use the name if you like it.

That’s the grandparents issue, not OPs. Plenty of families have members with the same names (ie Dad & Sons) and they manage just fine.

YANBU! Honestly your sister is a complete arsehole! You've openly said you wanted to name your female child this name for YEARS, she was fine with this until her daughter was born. The child she only had because her 'new' partner wanted 🙄I'd be so hurt and honestly couldn't move past it. She could have used the name as a middle name or atleast been upfront about it.
If I was you, I would still use the name and go low contact with the sister.

I think she's mean to use this name.have u had a close RL up to now.i would find another name which you like .try to get past it if you can .not easy I know

It is a shitty thing to do and in medieval times you'd be able to kill your sister and smother her baby and get away with it but it's 2024 so you're gonna have to either have a duplicate the same name or choose another. No one on mumsnet is going to cone over to talk to your sister OP

Just use the name, my sister and cousin are called the same name. It doesn't matter. It seems huge now and I understand that you are upset especially as you have been calling the bump this name. Still use that name. Fuck your sister.

Bear in mind your sister was the one making a point about having 'first dibs' on the name, so if you go ahead and name your baby the same she might do a U turn and choose another to register with

You specifically said your sister has 3 children but didn’t mention their sex. Are they all boys?

Your nana is also her nana too and as she’s 10yrs older than you, I wonder if you were the spoilt youngest child, as you’re certainly acting like it.

If it all happened the way you've described then yes, it sounds like a nasty move from your sister.

Just give your baby the same name! You love it and you're hardly going to be in each other's company 24/7. As someone else has already said, there are lots of families where cousins have the same name. In my extended family there are 9 males with the same first name! It will be absolutely fine. Good luck with your new arrival OP

I’d feel the same way as you. Just use the name anyway. My granny and her brother both named their sons (my dad) the same and my dad’s middle name is the same as his cousin’s surname, so his name is exactly the same as his cousin’s but with another surname on the end.

I know quite a few cousins with the same name. She doesn’t own the name, if you love it, use it - and if she’s peed off, it’s her own fault!

Just tell her that's fine but you're still calling your daughter after your nana.

If you love the name so much then use it. Your sister doesn't own the name either. It's a tiny bit messy when two same are cousins have the same name, but it's really not going to hurt anyone.

I feel for you op, but I do think you're being unreasonable. Your nana is presumably her nana too and that alone i think means you aren't able to call dibs on that, it's like you're saying your relationship with your nana was more important than hers.

I understand you feeling upset absolutely, and you're entitled to your feelings about it, but if it were me I'd be miffed, but I'd be thinking of whether I could honour her in a different way, maybe a version of her name or use it as a middle name instead.