Sister stole my baby name

[JessMathews8]

I'm really struggling to deal with this, my sister is 10 years older than me and has three children aged between 18 and 15. She was done witn having kids, has said this for years and years. But her new partner wanted a baby.I have a 6 year old boy, and currently pregnant with a girl. When I was pregnant with my son, before we knew he was a boy I had a girls name set and was after my Nana, always said that the next baby if its a girl I will name her after Nana, it took us 4 years of trying to get pregnant again.My sister got pregnant one month before I did and said that I'd she has a girl she will be using my Nanas name and it's her name, she's due first so she has first dibs.She didn't find out what she was having, but she gave birth yesterday, to a girl and has named her after my Nana.I'm due in 3 weeks, and feel so angry and upset she has used a name for the last 6 years I have said I would use if I have a girl, I found out its a girl at 16 weeks when she told me I could use the name as I know its a girl but shes literally just named her daughter it. Am I an asshole for being upset and mad?
My mum has told me I'm being unreasonable and she has always liked the name. Which she may of done but she always said she was done having kids, and everyone knew that it was the name I would use if I was to ever have a girl. I feel so hurt

I understand you're upset, but if it's a name you and your partner/DH really both like and had agreed on, use it anyway. You're not going to spend every second with your sister and family, and the main thing if you have a healthy baby and the name is right for her - if that name just happens to be x then so be it.

Not nice of your DS to do that.

can you use the name and maybe change the spelling of it. ? Or add a second name to it. If you like it use it. Nothing to say you can’t.

Just use the name and if you really don’t get along, distance yourself. And don’t in future tell people what you want to name your child, people are weird. She may have had the same idea as you anyway or she may have wanted to upstage / upset you - you’ll never know.

That’s why I voted YABU - you are being unreasonable to think you can’t still use the name. Of course you can still use it. Just tell everyone this is the name you had in mind for 6 years and what a coincidence X used it too

People will always bleat on about how you can't steal a name, but no decent person would do this to friends or family. She's known for years that you were going to use this name and she knew you were having a girl. I'd struggle to forget she did this.

👏👏

In my Irish side of the family many people are named after grandparents etc. particularly boys; everyone is either John, Michael or Richie 😂

Just use the name OP! With a different middle name obvs.

We had this when my sister was born and named Lauren. She was always going to be called Lauren, but my aunt had a baby girl a few months older named Laura and she had some shocking tantrums. Nobody gives a flying one all these years later we are all in our 30s.

Use it anyway. They are cousins, not siblings. You can always use a different nicknames, but have it as an official first name on her birth certificate. If you don't, you will always resent your sister.

This is what happens when people use dead relatives like a baby name book unfortunately. Just use the name, if people ask tell them you wanted to use the name for years, you were planning on using it since your first pregnancy. If your sister has an issue it's on her as you can't shotgun names tbh, it's a name not a car seat on a long journey.

I have cousins with the same
name, so go ahead and use the name.
I can see why you are upset.

Have you been announcing that your baby’s name is Nana since the 16 week scan, for the past 4 months, and your sister gives birth and names her daughter Nana?

The way she did it wasn’t great but you use your name. Presumably the girls will have different surnames.

My brother and our cousin have the same first and surname and both their daughters have the same first and surnames. My husband’s brother and cousin have the same name. That’s what happens when you’re using ‘family’ names, nobody has the monopoly on them.

It is her Nana's name, too. It does seem a bit off, but then I'm not sure it's really fair to reserve a name, either.

You can't steal what's not yours by rights.

Just use it and if anyone asks just say you’ve been calling her that name since the 20week scan and that your sister knew that was her name already.

I wouldn’t be bothered, I’d just use the name.

@JessMathews8 I'd be so so hurt! Especially if I'd make it really clear to my sister, I don't understand how people wouldn't be!

In these circumstances although it will create some awkwardness, I would 100% use the same name. Just say you'd already decided on it, you'd made it clear beforehand and that's what you're doing.

The alternative is seeing your niece grow up with the name you'd chosen and feeling resentful every time you see her.

I've been your sister in this situation but with differences- we never discussed baby names before my child was born so I had no clue that she was thinking of naming a child after our grandma- and also she wasn't pregnant!! But she still didn't speak to me for months and bad mouthed me to everyone! I just said, use the name if you do have a girl- she never did have a girl but I wouldn't have cared if she had used it! Her argument was that I must have known she would want the name but I absolutely didn't- and frankly I wanted the name too - she was my grandma too!

"Nana" is a sweet name for a girl. Could you use that instead?

This is strange OP because you would think she would have discussed it with you at least, before just sending a photo out. But, as lots of people have said, just use the name anyway. They are cousins, but so what? Look at how many sons have the dad's name etc. I know twins called Amelia and Amelie! Just do what you want regardless.

Honestly just use the name it really doesn't matter , plenty of families might have cousins with the same name and it's not a problem

I think in this case you are definitely not being unreasonable. You made it very clear what name you had already given your baby, and your sister knew this. I’d be upset too.

Just use the name

Use the name

If anyone questions it just tell them you told your sister you were going to use the name and she decided to use it too

Just use the name

YANBU - I know people say 'no one owns a name' well no they don't but still. I also wouldn't go calling 1st cousins that see each other a lot the same name. It will get confusing. Yes it used to be done, but it isn't anymore. But I think you will get sick of your child being 'Young Heather' or '2nd Heather' or 'Heather Matthews'

My sister and I had boys 2 weeks apart - me first. We told each other the names we were going with, even though it was her 3rd and she told no one before with the other two and I told no one but her. Luckily her name was on my list but not my fav so we didn't have much of a discussion but I am sure if she had, had your reasons for my fav name I'd have found something else.

It's obviously upset you, OP, and that's sad but no one has the 'right' to a particular name, so I think you have to accept it. Is there a name which is close to the one you wanted, or a second favourite name that you could go for instead?