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Original poster

Sister stole my baby name

364 replies

JessMathews8 · 26/03/2024 22:07

I'm really struggling to deal with this, my sister is 10 years older than me and has three children aged between 18 and 15. She was done witn having kids, has said this for years and years. But her new partner wanted a baby.I have a 6 year old boy, and currently pregnant with a girl. When I was pregnant with my son, before we knew he was a boy I had a girls name set and was after my Nana, always said that the next baby if its a girl I will name her after Nana, it took us 4 years of trying to get pregnant again.My sister got pregnant one month before I did and said that I'd she has a girl she will be using my Nanas name and it's her name, she's due first so she has first dibs.She didn't find out what she was having, but she gave birth yesterday, to a girl and has named her after my Nana.I'm due in 3 weeks, and feel so angry and upset she has used a name for the last 6 years I have said I would use if I have a girl, I found out its a girl at 16 weeks when she told me I could use the name as I know its a girl but shes literally just named her daughter it. Am I an asshole for being upset and mad?
My mum has told me I'm being unreasonable and she has always liked the name. Which she may of done but she always said she was done having kids, and everyone knew that it was the name I would use if I was to ever have a girl. I feel so hurt

OP posts:
Ankylo · 27/03/2024 07:24

It's difficult because, yes, like others have said, no one can own a name. It is first come, first serve. But, as it sounds like she knew you wanted to use that (and to your knowledge, she didn't), she should have respected that. I would for my sister.
Could you use it still as her middle name?

DrJoanAllenby · 27/03/2024 07:25

This is why you don't tell anyone what name you might use 'one day'.

Personally it wouldn't bother me and I would name my child whatever I want.

I do think you're making a big unnecessary drama about it.

Sallyingon · 27/03/2024 07:28

It's her nana too. Maybe it was always her girls name too but you didn't listen. I'd be annoyed too but just use the name,.honour your nana.

liveforsummer · 27/03/2024 07:31

You should use the name, and be clear you still intend to use it. Then she can decide whether to go ahead and use it too. (She may not) but if she does it's still no big deal. Absolutely no problem for cousins to have the same name.

ThunderSnacks · 27/03/2024 07:31

I'd say in 99% of cases you don't get dibs on a baby name.

But also that this is in the 1% where it's both an odd and shitty thing for your sister to do. I'd crack on and use the name. If anyone says anything just repeat that you'd made it clear for years that this was the name you were going to call your daughter.

ToddlerMumma · 27/03/2024 07:33

Use the name. I have the same name as my cousin as both my Mum and Auntie loved it. It's never been a problem

CinnamonJellyBeans · 27/03/2024 07:35

Continue to call your baby by her her name, which she had even before she was conceived and has had for the last 8 and a bit months.

What you need to do know is get your baby Christened first, so steal a march on her and book that today.

Kitkat1523 · 27/03/2024 07:37

We’ve got cousins with same names in our family….if you want it use it…..don’t dwell on it….you will end up feeling bitter ….not worth it to you ….she’s done it now …..so decide what you want to do

WhoaJayShettybambalam · 27/03/2024 07:38

My dd and niece have the same name, named after my Grandmother. My dd is the eldest of the two girls by three years and it never struck me to be cross over it.

Coleoo74 · 27/03/2024 07:40

Loads of men in my family are all called Joseph it's just a family name, cousins, fathers and sons, generations of uncles and greandfathers it's not an issue

Use the name!!

LittleMissSleepyUK · 27/03/2024 07:42

My cousin did this to me. I suffered from years of unexplained fertility and miscarriages and it was always known if I had a girl I wanted to name her after my great grandma. She had two boys then a girl, when I was finally pregnant with my first. She took the name. It was a long list of things she’d done to me and it stings. In this case I’m older

Beansandneedles · 27/03/2024 07:43

JessMathews8 · 26/03/2024 22:07

I'm really struggling to deal with this, my sister is 10 years older than me and has three children aged between 18 and 15. She was done witn having kids, has said this for years and years. But her new partner wanted a baby.I have a 6 year old boy, and currently pregnant with a girl. When I was pregnant with my son, before we knew he was a boy I had a girls name set and was after my Nana, always said that the next baby if its a girl I will name her after Nana, it took us 4 years of trying to get pregnant again.My sister got pregnant one month before I did and said that I'd she has a girl she will be using my Nanas name and it's her name, she's due first so she has first dibs.She didn't find out what she was having, but she gave birth yesterday, to a girl and has named her after my Nana.I'm due in 3 weeks, and feel so angry and upset she has used a name for the last 6 years I have said I would use if I have a girl, I found out its a girl at 16 weeks when she told me I could use the name as I know its a girl but shes literally just named her daughter it. Am I an asshole for being upset and mad?
My mum has told me I'm being unreasonable and she has always liked the name. Which she may of done but she always said she was done having kids, and everyone knew that it was the name I would use if I was to ever have a girl. I feel so hurt

My sister did this to me, only with a few years in between our pregnancies. She asked me what name I'd choose for each gender and then a few days later announced that the girls name I'd choose would be her girls name, and a name pretty similar to the boys name would be her boys name. When I came to have my children she said 'well you won't want x now will you as it's so close to y'. Learned a lesson not to share my thoughts with anyone. Sorry this happened to you OP, it's tough when you wanted the name so badly and now no matter what you do it'll likely feel kinda tainted.

Emotionalsupportviper · 27/03/2024 07:47

TinySaltLick · 26/03/2024 22:10

No one has exclusivity to a name, just use the name anyway?

I can see it is annoying but I'd just go for it anyway if you still like it, doesn't sound like you see your sister very much anyway

I'd do this , too.

Just use the name.

Yes, it's irritating, but just ignore and do it your way.

LittleMonks11 · 27/03/2024 07:50

She sounds like an arsehole. Is she usually? Name your daughter as you wish. The same, or the same with a twist?

Are we allowed to know the name?

3luckystars · 27/03/2024 07:51

It must be a lovely name. Don’t let it upset you, use the name and enjoy your life.

LittleMonks11 · 27/03/2024 07:52

JMSA · 27/03/2024 00:24

I'm sorry, but don't use the name. Unless the girls are rarely going to see each other, it would be completely ridiculous for them to have the same name.

They will grow up and have different lives - they don't stay toddlers forever. Until then they could have separate nicknames if family members can't tell them apart...

Tessisme · 27/03/2024 07:54

I agree with pp's that you should still use the name. DP has 3 cousins with the same name (after their granny) and 2 cousins with another same name. Nobody seems too bothered.

LittleMonks11 · 27/03/2024 07:55

Causewerethespecialtwo · 27/03/2024 07:15

I would be more sympathetic if it was just a name that you have always liked. It’s not. It’s both of your Nana’s name. It is just as sentimental to her as if it to you.

You sound like a spoilt child who shouted dibs first. Like two kids running for a car, the one running slower who shouts “shotgun” and then expects to sit in the front seat even though they got to the car last. Or like when my kids are eating their dinner and promised ice cream if they eat if all up, whoever finishes dinner first gets first pick of the ice lollies, but all through the meal one is saying “ooh I really fancy that chocolate one” and then throws a tantrum when they don’t finish their dinner first and get first pick of the ice creams.

No-one owns a name. She had a daughter first and used her Nana’s name. Just because you shouted loudest that if you ever have a daughter you would use that name, doesn’t mean you own it and she doesn’t.

You are allowed to feel disappointed. And you are allowed to use the same name also.

I think your last sentence would have sufficed here.

gould · 27/03/2024 07:56

I'm going to have to point this out to you as obviously you don't realise..

You can use the name still

Reugny · 27/03/2024 08:03

I have two nieces with the same first name who are the same age, and a brunch of others who are similar ages to each other with very similar sounding names.

No issues.

So call her the same name.

LadyTiredWinterBottom2 · 27/03/2024 08:06

It's selfish yeah. It's heightened by the circumstances for you and she isn't empathising.

If it was me l would still use it and l would cool off my relationship with her. She doesn't give a shit about your feelings.

2under4 · 27/03/2024 08:11

I'm surprised to see so many posts saying your sister has done nothing wrong. Obviously it's not world ending or anything, but I'd be irritated too. I'd prefer for my children to be the only ones in the family with their names too, as I feel most people would? Keeps it more special and less confusing surely? You could explain gently to your sister if you think it will do any good? But if you don't think she'll budge, or she says no, it's not worth falling out about imo. You'll just have to use the name anyway if you love it. One or both might up with Nicknames anyway, so it might matter less.

muddyford · 27/03/2024 08:11

Just use the name. They're cousins not sisters.

Toquitit · 27/03/2024 08:11

JessMathews8 · 26/03/2024 22:15

It's more I'm hurt as it was what my son would be if he was a girl, it was the name discussed for the 4 miscarriages I had. Its not like she didn't know, even when we was talking to each other TTC again I would our girl name and boy name and she would say so.ething different until she got pregnant. She then said we could use the name as we knew it was a girl so we've have been calling our bump by name, she said she had 5 other girls names. And then she had the baby and just sent the family group a picture with the name on. People say I can't call dibs on a name until baby is born, but i think in this context my sister is a bit out of order but I'm being made to believe it's only me that thinks this

I'd be hurt.

My reply to the message would be - wow congrats and you used my name, how odd. We will still be using it as planned and discussed extensively over the last several years and months. Just letting you know incase you want to change your last minute decision.

My SIL told me her baby name, it's a relation on their side. She's younger, not in a relationship, nowhere near having a baby. We have no way of knowing if she will ever have a baby not to mention the right sex for the name - e.g she could have 2 boys.

It's a special name to the family. We used it as a middle name and asked her first if that would be ok with her. She loved the idea, said that was a great idea incase she never had kids or did but had wrong gender for the name - this way it kept the name going but she could still use it.

Because we're decent people, who care about people's feelings, she's not even my sister!

Mnetcurious · 27/03/2024 08:13

Use the name anyway. No one has rights to a name. If anyone, including her, questions it then you can legitimately say that you had chosen the name years ago and had your heart set on it as it has sentimental value. You can even drop in that your sister knew about your choice but went ahead and used it anyway.