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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

I cannot handle my boyfriend's dog anymore

548 replies

Applecake123 · 25/03/2024 23:25

Hi everyone, I hope you are all fine!
I'm in urgent need of advice, first of all, I want to highlight that I love all kind of animals, and I don't have anything specific against any breed.

I'll tey to make it short and explain the situation, I meet my boyfriend a year ago and we had a long distance relationship, we'll visit each other each month and I must say I am happy with him, he's hard working, he's a great person, and the most important, we incredibly connect.

Two months ago we took the desicion to move together, since I discovered I got pregnant. Everything has been wonderful, he bought a house, were we are both living together, bit here is the issue;
I have two cats, who are we'll trained and have never bitten or misbehaved. My boyfriend has a 10 years old pitbull who's not trained and, unfortunately (I did not noticed this before) not very well maintained, worse part the dog is incredibly aggressive towards other animals. Until now we did try to introduce them, and my cat's are really into getting close to the dog, but everytime the dog sees the cats he just wants to run towards them and attack them.

I'm terrorised that the dog will hurt my cats, and we are into the limit were it's either the dog locked downstairs, or my cats locked in the room (which makes me terribly angry, my cats spend days and nights locked in the room with me, without access to their litter box, because the dog cannot behave).

Plus point; the dog pee and poop everywhere in the house, it doesn't matter if you just walked her for 30 minutes, she will come back, rest and pee. She did her necessities in the couch, in the bed from downstairs, and the other couch.

Maybe here I am a bit not tolerant, but I was always very high demanding with myself and how clean my house was, plus now I am pregnant and I smell things five times more, so for me is like living in a house were it constantly stinks of dog pee, poop or just dog smell (yes, my boyfriend doesn't bath the dog, so it smells terrible, I can't even eat while the dog is near me, it just makes me sick).

This whole situation is making my life miserable. I know I sound extreme with this situation, bit I just cannot continue living this situation, seeing my cat's locked In a room because the dog cannot behave, but first of all, I cannot think of my child playing on the same place were the dog did her things.

I have tried to help my boyfriend as much as I could, I understand that this whole situation is also stressful for the dog, and it's been a month we are here, but all I do is clean every day 2 or 3 times the dogs pee and the poop. (My boyfriend is working, so technically is me cleaning it or being miserable with the smell)

I get it maybe the dog is not walking enough, and I have considered walking the dog myself to fix the issue, but the problem is that the dog pulls so much when walking, that I cannot control it, this dog goes crazy when he sees an other animal, and its so strong I'm afraid I wouldn't be able to control it, and I don't want the dog killing an other animal, I am not even allowed to walk the dog (it's a dangerous breed, so it's supposed to be walked by my boyfriend only) and I'm pregnant, I don't want the dog to make me fall or have an accident.

It's just like, the dog doesn't want any solution but just to be an ass hole, she broke two dog muzzles, so the idea of introducing the dog to my cat's using a muzzle is non existent, and I won't take the risk of just letting them be and having one of my cats killed.

Now, I don't want to ask my boyfriend to get rid of the dog, it's been with him for 10 years, I deeply love my animals, and I couldn't imagine giving up one of my cats, but I am stuck.
I know it's completely impossible to train the dog, she's too old, I'm pregnant and cannot really help (I barely stand to survive my own sickness) Andy boyfriend doesn't have time to train the dog, he works all day and comes back home extremely tired.

Any ideas of how to survive this? I'm literally crying every night thinking I will lose my boyfriend and my baby will lose growing with he's dad. I don't want that, but I don't want to live a miserable life, or force my cat's to live locked in a tiny room.
I need help desperately.

OP posts:
OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 26/03/2024 00:59

' the dog doesn't want any solution but just to be an ass hole '

dogs do not think that way !!!

and now the problem is just the wee, not the poo, not the cats, not the unplanned baby...

FiveShelties · 26/03/2024 00:59

The threads on here get more bizarre every day.

Squirrelsnut · 26/03/2024 01:01

If the dog is messing in the house as a protest against you - what might it do as a protest against your baby?
Get the hell out and take your poor cats!

Sozbutno · 26/03/2024 01:03

shelties

They do though don’t they though?

I cannot handle my boyfriend's dog anymore
saltinesandcoffeecups · 26/03/2024 01:03

And to this point… why would posters like @MaloneMeadow want a presumably vulnerable woman with a baby on the way to stay in this situation… Do things magically turn out alright when they kill the dog? Or does the man still turn out to be an ass and the woman still ends up in a shitty situation that ruins her life?

Why are people encouraging her (again not that I think it’s real) to set themselves up for misery? Simple solution I would think is to believe this guy is wrong and she should run for the hills.

Noyesnoyes · 26/03/2024 01:08

Pit bulls are banned in Spain? Is that where you are OP?

Applecake123 · 26/03/2024 01:10

Noyesnoyes · 26/03/2024 01:08

Pit bulls are banned in Spain? Is that where you are OP?

Pitbulls are not banned here in spain, they need a specific insurance, and muzzle when walking out, but they are not banned.
That's all I know, I also don't know a lot about dog breeds.

OP posts:
BasiliskStare · 26/03/2024 01:23

@OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon - I did not make myself clear here - I apologise. When our families , when we were children , had to have a dog PTS the euphemism was - Dog has gone to live on the farm. The dogs were not shipped wholesale out to Spanish or other farms , fincas etc - it was a way of explaining to young children why the dog has not come back from the vets. I hope that explains my comment - could have been Dog has gone to heaven or other euphemisms .

KomodoOhno · 26/03/2024 01:42

Absolutely not being unreasonable. Get out before it kills your cats or God forbid you or your baby . It's a matter of when not if.

PansyOatZebra · 26/03/2024 01:45

YABU to have moved in with him when he has a dog and you two cats! Recipe for disaster!

SammyScrounge · 26/03/2024 01:47

As others have suggested, you should think more about your coming baby's safety. The dog seems territorial and aggressive. These dogs could toss a baby round like a rag doll.
It might well not be the dog's fault that he is not well trained but that's not the point. He might go for the baby.

IsEveryUserNameBloodyTaken · 26/03/2024 01:49

You need to leave as soon as possible.
Every day you and your cats are at risk.

saltinesandcoffeecups · 26/03/2024 01:54

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

pinklepea · 26/03/2024 02:06

IsEveryUserNameBloodyTaken · 26/03/2024 01:49

You need to leave as soon as possible.
Every day you and your cats are at risk.

She moved the cats into a house with a dog who hates cats of course they're at risk. Any dog that's a disaster.

RogueFemale · 26/03/2024 02:12

This has bad idea written all over it, in so many ways. But the cat is always the priority. The cat must always be happy.

user1492757084 · 26/03/2024 02:14

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

It is a very well known saying - that the dog have gone to live on a farm - to use when not wishing to share with children that the dog has died, for whatever reason.

People sometimes have valid personal reasons to use the saying.

WiddlinDiddlin · 26/03/2024 03:02

You and your boyfriend are the assholes here, not the dog.

He didn't train her, he isn't walking or otherwise entertaining her enough.

You arrive with cats, are pregnant, are a new addition to the household and that brings a ton of stress but instead of blaming your boyfriend who for TEN YEARS hasn't trained his dog... you call the elderly DOG the asshole?

It isn't impossible to train an older dog, however it is likely impossible for he and you to train THIS dog, because you don't really want to, he can't be bothered and you blatantly do not like the dog. That is a recipe for disaster and will not result in the dog having a decent quality of life or becoming well trained and easy to live with now.

Either - you tolerate it, stop bringing the cats over (you are putting them and the dog at risk of death/injury) and do not live together until the dog dies of old age.

Or - he has the dog euthanised humanely at the vets.

I would vote for the latter, because its highly unlikely this dog is going to be any less stressed about the presence of a baby in the home than she is about the cats or you, and as the behaviours you describe are all triggered by/made worse by stress... things aren't going to improve, even if both of you were on board with properly training and modifying behaviour.

Mummyoflittledragon · 26/03/2024 03:35

I’ve said YANBU. But doing what you’re doing is unreasonable in so many ways…

  • to stay another night under his roof.
  • to think a man, who neglects his dog would ever be a good parent their child.
  • to trap yourself in a foreign country for 18 years with no current means of supporting yourself.
  • to not put the baby first… and your cats.

There is no point in discussing this with him. He doesn’t care. Neglect is a form of abuse. Even if he says he’ll do better, it will slip and by that time you’ll likely to have given birth and he will have parental rights and you will only be allowed to live outside of Spain with his permission. This, he’s unlikely to give… seeing as he only thinks about himself.

Is this something you want to live for the next 18 years?

Go home. Leave. Now. Get your baby and cats as far away from him and his dog he’s abusing as possible. Then go no contact.

CheeseSandwichRiskAssessment · 26/03/2024 03:49

Why are so many people here defending the dog lol. Anyways, how did you not notice all this before??

Frumpitydoo · 26/03/2024 04:03

There is now way I'd have a baby around this dog (nor this man!).
I'm a dog lover through and through, but in your impossible situation, the dog would be meeting with a timely ending ASAP.
Please do not rely on this man for money and security; get on the house deeds or get a job ASAP. Good luck, it sounds dire.

kkloo · 26/03/2024 04:30

Frumpitydoo · 26/03/2024 04:03

There is now way I'd have a baby around this dog (nor this man!).
I'm a dog lover through and through, but in your impossible situation, the dog would be meeting with a timely ending ASAP.
Please do not rely on this man for money and security; get on the house deeds or get a job ASAP. Good luck, it sounds dire.

In fairness she knew he had a pitbull when she got pregnant and moved in with him.
The other problems seem to be as a result of the OP moving her cats in.

kkloo · 26/03/2024 04:31

CheeseSandwichRiskAssessment · 26/03/2024 03:49

Why are so many people here defending the dog lol. Anyways, how did you not notice all this before??

The poor dog doesn't get walked and has had cats move into his home. That explains his behaviour.

101Nutella · 26/03/2024 04:44

Most people work full time and still train their dogs. He is being lazy.

you need to get out of that house or he needs to rehome the dog. The dog is not safe to have a baby around. Trust me when you arrive home with this tiny , fragile baby you will not cope with the dog there. Once baby is moving it’s too unhygienic with the poo and wee. You will be trapped in a bedroom with the baby and risk of post natal depression with all the pressure.

tbh if the dog is as aggressive as you say I’d have it PTS. I love dogs but that’s a liability.

WandaWonder · 26/03/2024 04:47

So whether you like a pitbull or not you child will be around the dog whether you are separated or not

So sex to get pregnant was ok but the pitbull is now an issue, can this site get any more EastEnders

Jellyx · 26/03/2024 04:54

Applecake123 · 25/03/2024 23:32

Technically I cannot move out, I'm pregnant, in a new country, with no job, and unfortunately I don't have family to help me.

This is a serious safeguarding issue for your unborn child - extremely poor hygiene in a home AND a known violent animal present in your home.

You need to move out or the dog needs to go.

You need to stand up for yourself / child now. If your partner doesn't listen to that...then how 'connected' are you both and what a terrible selfish father he'd be.

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