Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

I cannot handle my boyfriend's dog anymore

548 replies

Applecake123 · 25/03/2024 23:25

Hi everyone, I hope you are all fine!
I'm in urgent need of advice, first of all, I want to highlight that I love all kind of animals, and I don't have anything specific against any breed.

I'll tey to make it short and explain the situation, I meet my boyfriend a year ago and we had a long distance relationship, we'll visit each other each month and I must say I am happy with him, he's hard working, he's a great person, and the most important, we incredibly connect.

Two months ago we took the desicion to move together, since I discovered I got pregnant. Everything has been wonderful, he bought a house, were we are both living together, bit here is the issue;
I have two cats, who are we'll trained and have never bitten or misbehaved. My boyfriend has a 10 years old pitbull who's not trained and, unfortunately (I did not noticed this before) not very well maintained, worse part the dog is incredibly aggressive towards other animals. Until now we did try to introduce them, and my cat's are really into getting close to the dog, but everytime the dog sees the cats he just wants to run towards them and attack them.

I'm terrorised that the dog will hurt my cats, and we are into the limit were it's either the dog locked downstairs, or my cats locked in the room (which makes me terribly angry, my cats spend days and nights locked in the room with me, without access to their litter box, because the dog cannot behave).

Plus point; the dog pee and poop everywhere in the house, it doesn't matter if you just walked her for 30 minutes, she will come back, rest and pee. She did her necessities in the couch, in the bed from downstairs, and the other couch.

Maybe here I am a bit not tolerant, but I was always very high demanding with myself and how clean my house was, plus now I am pregnant and I smell things five times more, so for me is like living in a house were it constantly stinks of dog pee, poop or just dog smell (yes, my boyfriend doesn't bath the dog, so it smells terrible, I can't even eat while the dog is near me, it just makes me sick).

This whole situation is making my life miserable. I know I sound extreme with this situation, bit I just cannot continue living this situation, seeing my cat's locked In a room because the dog cannot behave, but first of all, I cannot think of my child playing on the same place were the dog did her things.

I have tried to help my boyfriend as much as I could, I understand that this whole situation is also stressful for the dog, and it's been a month we are here, but all I do is clean every day 2 or 3 times the dogs pee and the poop. (My boyfriend is working, so technically is me cleaning it or being miserable with the smell)

I get it maybe the dog is not walking enough, and I have considered walking the dog myself to fix the issue, but the problem is that the dog pulls so much when walking, that I cannot control it, this dog goes crazy when he sees an other animal, and its so strong I'm afraid I wouldn't be able to control it, and I don't want the dog killing an other animal, I am not even allowed to walk the dog (it's a dangerous breed, so it's supposed to be walked by my boyfriend only) and I'm pregnant, I don't want the dog to make me fall or have an accident.

It's just like, the dog doesn't want any solution but just to be an ass hole, she broke two dog muzzles, so the idea of introducing the dog to my cat's using a muzzle is non existent, and I won't take the risk of just letting them be and having one of my cats killed.

Now, I don't want to ask my boyfriend to get rid of the dog, it's been with him for 10 years, I deeply love my animals, and I couldn't imagine giving up one of my cats, but I am stuck.
I know it's completely impossible to train the dog, she's too old, I'm pregnant and cannot really help (I barely stand to survive my own sickness) Andy boyfriend doesn't have time to train the dog, he works all day and comes back home extremely tired.

Any ideas of how to survive this? I'm literally crying every night thinking I will lose my boyfriend and my baby will lose growing with he's dad. I don't want that, but I don't want to live a miserable life, or force my cat's to live locked in a tiny room.
I need help desperately.

OP posts:
Julianne65 · 26/03/2024 04:57

You took your cats to live in a new country and didn’t even consider what it would be like for them living with an animal aggressive dog!? Those poor cats! I hate to think what the dog would do to a
child. I could not live like that. I would make demands for the dog to be rehomed (or euthanised) or move out. These are the only two options you have. I’m quite shocked by your post.

WiddlinDiddlin · 26/03/2024 04:58

@CheeseSandwichRiskAssessment I think the dog needs a bit of defence here in the face of two arseholes who do not have the dogs best interest or apparently, even any interests, at heart!

No ones saying its OK for the dog to be permitted or caused to behave the way he/she does... (at least, not that I have seen), but that behaviour is as a direct result of human failure to train, manage, meet needs etc etc.

Autienotnaughtie · 26/03/2024 05:00

I really hope this isn't a real post.

You need to be clear. The dog needs to leave. It's not fair on your cats. It's not fair on you and what if he dislikes the baby?

Either that or move back to family

Julianne65 · 26/03/2024 05:04

just catching up with the ops replies and I’ve come to the conclusion that this is not real.
it can’t possibly be.

MumsGoneToIceland · 26/03/2024 05:22

I’m sorry OP but I think you need to move back home quickly whilst you can. You can’t move back in until 1) the dog toileting and hygiene situation is resolved , 2) the dog has been trained to be around cats and 3) you can be confident it can live safely with a baby.

Also, I’m no legal expert but I think once the baby is born and registered, you could be blocked from leaving the country with the baby so please check your rights out properly and make the appropriate decisions for you and your baby before the baby is born.

ChirpyShaker · 26/03/2024 05:29

Have you considered getting a professional dog trainer involved? It might be a bit of an investment, but it could seriously help with the dog's behavior. And maybe your boyfriend could look into some ways to manage the dog's bathroom habits, like crate training or setting up a specific potty area outside.

Communication with your boyfriend is key here, though, so make sure you're both on the same page about finding a solution that works for everyone, including your cats and your upcoming baby.

newnamethanks · 26/03/2024 05:37

Brilliant. He can't look after a dog or cater to it's needs. Why not have a baby with him and move into his filthy house with his dangerous dog? Sounds ideal.

PumpkinsAndCoconuts · 26/03/2024 05:41

Are you from the UK or any other county with an even remotely functioning (and public) healthcare system?

If yes: I would strongly advise you to move back home to have this baby.
If you give birth in Spain, you’ll be stuck. With no job, no money and no spousal rights due to not being married. That’s an incredibly precarious position.

ButtockUp · 26/03/2024 05:44

So you got pregnant with a man that you'd seen about a dozen times before you moved to another country, with two cats , two live with him and his dangerous and poorly trained dog.
You're unemployed and totally reliant on him to feed, clothe and house you and your baby when it arrives.

Not sure where to start really other than to warn you that once the baby arrives , if your relationship doesn't work, you're stuck there.

Shampoo66 · 26/03/2024 06:13

Applecake123 · 25/03/2024 23:32

Technically I cannot move out, I'm pregnant, in a new country, with no job, and unfortunately I don't have family to help me.

The only solution I think your looking for is for people to agree/suggest to re home the dog…
as a dog lover/owner there is no way my 10 yr old dog would be unclean, untrained etc in the house. You’ve more serious problems than a smelly untrained dog. You have a neglectful owner, one of the worse type of human in my eyes. Your child would not only be unsafe around the dog but there’s no way I’d allow this human near a child either. Leave the dog and the human, call the rspca and walk away.

SignoraVolpe · 26/03/2024 06:18

Shampoo66 · 26/03/2024 06:13

The only solution I think your looking for is for people to agree/suggest to re home the dog…
as a dog lover/owner there is no way my 10 yr old dog would be unclean, untrained etc in the house. You’ve more serious problems than a smelly untrained dog. You have a neglectful owner, one of the worse type of human in my eyes. Your child would not only be unsafe around the dog but there’s no way I’d allow this human near a child either. Leave the dog and the human, call the rspca and walk away.

The RSPCA ? In Spain?

marshmallowfinder · 26/03/2024 06:21

That is absolutely awful and I would not stay a moment longer in that situation if I were you. The dog at some point is going to kill one of your cats. Doors get left open, animals can escape, a mistake can be made in a second. The dog is completely neglected by your partner and is being kept in a cruel situation. The cats are being extremely unfairly treated also. I can't believe he owns a dog and is out all day long working long hours. As for it soiling the house, that is utterly gross. Either the dog goes or you and your cats go. That's the bottom line. Please, please see sense OP.

Misspacorabanne · 26/03/2024 06:21

Oh op, please please read about the pit bull bread! They are banned over here for good reason, you said you don’t know much about the breed, please just read up on them, I hope it will help you make the right decision to move back home to safety.
This type of dog can just turn, and as you know are very very strong. They have killed many people over here! It’s is highly unlikely you could defend yourself against it if you were in that position, and certainly not your baby.
They can be triggered to turn by noise, fast movement etc, so a child running about. Your cars are not safe, but the priority is you and the baby, you do need to get out as soon as you can, and take the cats. Please don’t risk this by staying, it could be your biggest regret!

Misspacorabanne · 26/03/2024 06:22

Breed not bread… obviously 🙄

Mummyoflittledragon · 26/03/2024 06:24

If you were my daughter and you really had no means of supporting yourself, I would come and get you and your cats and take you all home. Contact your family, see if they are able to do the same or are able to pay for your trip back.

DarkCloudy · 26/03/2024 06:36

Applecake123 · 26/03/2024 00:49

It's clear that I need to have a conversation again with my boyfriend, ask him to solve the issue, or I'll be leaving. Yes, I put myself into a difficult situation, but as well I am independent to take my stuff and leave.

I wouldn't have my child coexist with a dog who's peeing everywhere. I really hope there is a way to train the dog, and that we will find it.

Thank you for your response and help, highly appreciated

You keep talking about the dog peeing and pooing everywhere as if that is the primary concern here, and something you weren’t aware of before you moved in.

The real concern is that you’re about to bring a baby into a house with a very aggressive dog that shows signs of jealousy and that hasn’t been trained. You knew he had a dangerous breed yet you still agreed to move in with him.

You need to move out.

birdglasspen2 · 26/03/2024 06:39

Well you’re not going to bring a baby in to a house with an untrained pitbull are you? So dog has to go or you have to go.

XelaM · 26/03/2024 06:39

Applecake123 · 26/03/2024 01:10

Pitbulls are not banned here in spain, they need a specific insurance, and muzzle when walking out, but they are not banned.
That's all I know, I also don't know a lot about dog breeds.

Even if it's not banned, why on Earth would any normal person choose to have a pit bull out of the hundreds and hundreds of breeds out there?! That should have been the first sign that he's not all there in the head, let alone an untrained pit bull!! That's madness

MadeofCheeese · 26/03/2024 06:41

The dog seriously is such a a threat to your baby.
I have a lovely well trained Labrador which I've had since a puppy and the amount of times the dog and the baby interact even when you don't mean them too.
I made the dog be with me at all times even though she is lovely JUST IN CASE and there were still 5-6 occasions when my baby was on the floor and I nipped for a wee and the dog had gone and laid down next to her. You can't have eyes on the dog and baby at all times!
Now the baby is 18 months and she is obsessed with the dog. We are doing training with them both every day and building a relationship but you never know when a cuddle turns into a pulled ear or a poke in the eye. I trust my dog well enough to know she is not going to rip my babies throat out when these inevitably happen.
You have no idea the danger you are putting your baby in and the amount of stress it is going to cause you never leaving your baby/ toddler alone for even 20 seconds to make a cup of tea.
Please please move out or re-home.
I have lots of experience with dogs and everyone comments how amazingly well trained my dog is but that is because we put the effort in because we have cats and a baby. This is a horror story waiting to happen.

boredybored · 26/03/2024 06:41

It will kill your cats eventually if it gets hold of them .. I would revoke the cats if you are stuck with him and the dog for their sakes .
It sounds completely out of control and has zero training

Dogs shouldn't behave like that !

ForNattyUmberUser · 26/03/2024 06:42

Call the police anonymously and tell them the dog is aggressive and has tried to bite you but you got away. They'll come to pick the dog up and it'll not be your problem anymore. It'll probably be put down. But it's better that than risk having an aggressive dog around your new baby. Your bf won't know you did it, he'll think its someone who reported the dog while he took it for a walk. Problem solved.

CwmYoy · 26/03/2024 06:43

You cannot bring a baby into this mess. Either leave or have the dog put to sleep.

Zonder · 26/03/2024 06:44

He is presumably Spanish and in his home country? Does he have friends or family who could take the dog?

He needs to choose between the dog and you/his baby.

Ihavehadenoughalready · 26/03/2024 06:47

I would say either he rehomes the dog or goodbye. Such a poorly behaved dog should not be around you or a baby.

DarkCloudy · 26/03/2024 06:49

ButtockUp · 26/03/2024 05:44

So you got pregnant with a man that you'd seen about a dozen times before you moved to another country, with two cats , two live with him and his dangerous and poorly trained dog.
You're unemployed and totally reliant on him to feed, clothe and house you and your baby when it arrives.

Not sure where to start really other than to warn you that once the baby arrives , if your relationship doesn't work, you're stuck there.

This. Don’t give birth in Spain. You and your baby will be stuck there forever with a man you hardly know and his dangerous dog.

Swipe left for the next trending thread