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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

I cannot handle my boyfriend's dog anymore

548 replies

Applecake123 · 25/03/2024 23:25

Hi everyone, I hope you are all fine!
I'm in urgent need of advice, first of all, I want to highlight that I love all kind of animals, and I don't have anything specific against any breed.

I'll tey to make it short and explain the situation, I meet my boyfriend a year ago and we had a long distance relationship, we'll visit each other each month and I must say I am happy with him, he's hard working, he's a great person, and the most important, we incredibly connect.

Two months ago we took the desicion to move together, since I discovered I got pregnant. Everything has been wonderful, he bought a house, were we are both living together, bit here is the issue;
I have two cats, who are we'll trained and have never bitten or misbehaved. My boyfriend has a 10 years old pitbull who's not trained and, unfortunately (I did not noticed this before) not very well maintained, worse part the dog is incredibly aggressive towards other animals. Until now we did try to introduce them, and my cat's are really into getting close to the dog, but everytime the dog sees the cats he just wants to run towards them and attack them.

I'm terrorised that the dog will hurt my cats, and we are into the limit were it's either the dog locked downstairs, or my cats locked in the room (which makes me terribly angry, my cats spend days and nights locked in the room with me, without access to their litter box, because the dog cannot behave).

Plus point; the dog pee and poop everywhere in the house, it doesn't matter if you just walked her for 30 minutes, she will come back, rest and pee. She did her necessities in the couch, in the bed from downstairs, and the other couch.

Maybe here I am a bit not tolerant, but I was always very high demanding with myself and how clean my house was, plus now I am pregnant and I smell things five times more, so for me is like living in a house were it constantly stinks of dog pee, poop or just dog smell (yes, my boyfriend doesn't bath the dog, so it smells terrible, I can't even eat while the dog is near me, it just makes me sick).

This whole situation is making my life miserable. I know I sound extreme with this situation, bit I just cannot continue living this situation, seeing my cat's locked In a room because the dog cannot behave, but first of all, I cannot think of my child playing on the same place were the dog did her things.

I have tried to help my boyfriend as much as I could, I understand that this whole situation is also stressful for the dog, and it's been a month we are here, but all I do is clean every day 2 or 3 times the dogs pee and the poop. (My boyfriend is working, so technically is me cleaning it or being miserable with the smell)

I get it maybe the dog is not walking enough, and I have considered walking the dog myself to fix the issue, but the problem is that the dog pulls so much when walking, that I cannot control it, this dog goes crazy when he sees an other animal, and its so strong I'm afraid I wouldn't be able to control it, and I don't want the dog killing an other animal, I am not even allowed to walk the dog (it's a dangerous breed, so it's supposed to be walked by my boyfriend only) and I'm pregnant, I don't want the dog to make me fall or have an accident.

It's just like, the dog doesn't want any solution but just to be an ass hole, she broke two dog muzzles, so the idea of introducing the dog to my cat's using a muzzle is non existent, and I won't take the risk of just letting them be and having one of my cats killed.

Now, I don't want to ask my boyfriend to get rid of the dog, it's been with him for 10 years, I deeply love my animals, and I couldn't imagine giving up one of my cats, but I am stuck.
I know it's completely impossible to train the dog, she's too old, I'm pregnant and cannot really help (I barely stand to survive my own sickness) Andy boyfriend doesn't have time to train the dog, he works all day and comes back home extremely tired.

Any ideas of how to survive this? I'm literally crying every night thinking I will lose my boyfriend and my baby will lose growing with he's dad. I don't want that, but I don't want to live a miserable life, or force my cat's to live locked in a tiny room.
I need help desperately.

OP posts:
XelaM · 11/04/2024 19:45

squishee · 11/04/2024 01:22

No-one "fully knows" that about any dog, whatever they might like to believe. Sadly there was a case in France where 2 dachshunds killed a newborn. Dachshunds!

A Jack Russell killed a baby in the UK a few years ago.

XelaM · 11/04/2024 19:51

ShyOchreDeer · 29/03/2024 09:09

The dog being a pit bull has zero to do with it. They can be theost amazing loving pets!! The issue is it's had no training and no effort put into it! I have a cane corso puppy and am trying for a baby and fully know he wouldn't pose a risk to that baby 🤷‍♀️

Right... good luck with that 🫠Totally insane to get a Cane Corso with a baby on the way. I bet the poor dog will be rehomed very soon after baby is born. Why out of all the hundreds and hundreds of breeds choose a massive guarding breed who is stronger than any human and you have no way of controlling if it snaps?

Scirocco · 11/04/2024 19:58

XelaM · 11/04/2024 19:51

Right... good luck with that 🫠Totally insane to get a Cane Corso with a baby on the way. I bet the poor dog will be rehomed very soon after baby is born. Why out of all the hundreds and hundreds of breeds choose a massive guarding breed who is stronger than any human and you have no way of controlling if it snaps?

Edited

Cane Corsos are what certain groups of people are getting now that there's the ban on XL Bullies. They're big, aggressive, and high-energy. They're protection and guard dogs (widely used by dealers and organised criminals too). Utterly unsuitable to have around a small child.

Concannon88 · 12/04/2024 00:29

XelaM · 11/04/2024 19:45

A Jack Russell killed a baby in the UK a few years ago.

That was 12 years ago. No small breed dog has mauled anyone to death in the uk in the time since. Bigger breeds are more dangerous than small breeds.

PumpkinsAndCoconuts · 12/04/2024 09:10

Concannon88 · 12/04/2024 00:29

That was 12 years ago. No small breed dog has mauled anyone to death in the uk in the time since. Bigger breeds are more dangerous than small breeds.

I adore dogs and have a bit of a soft spot for larger breeds.

but I honestly can’t wrap my head around the fact that we even need to have this kind of discussion.

the likelihood of a pomeranian killing a child is obviously considerably lower than the likelihood of a Jack Russel doing so.

and the likelihood of a Jack Russel killing a child is considerably lower than the likelihood of a pitbull being involved in a deadly bite incident.

Whether a dog - or any other living animal - is dangerous generally comes down to two factors:

  1. Having the physical potential to do harm. Larger / more powerful dogs vs smaller / weaker dogs.
  2. The likelihood of that potential being actualised. Whether the dog will actually bite aka use its power in a manner that is likely to cause physical injuries and or death.

A chihuahua may want to maul you but generally lacks the ability to actually maul - let alone kill - a human.
The likelihood of a Jack Russel biting you is pretty high but the bite generally won’t be deadly.

but the odds change rather significantly when the dog involved happens to be a large and powerful breed. Which is why a cane corso is objectively more dangerous than a jack russel.

Talking about how small breeds can be agressive and involved in bite incidents is therefore fairly (maybe even intentionally?) misleading in a conversation about dangerous dogs / dog breeds… Hmm

dawngreen · 19/04/2024 20:22

At the end of the day dogs react to noises, and it can worry them. Some dogs could not care less, and sleep. People need to watch their dogs reactions to stuff.

Farmwifefarmlife · 19/04/2024 20:32

Kennel the dog outside?

OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 19/04/2024 20:44

@Applecake123

Did you have the conversation that weekend, as it's coming up now to being 4 weekends ago ?

or have you made the decision and taken your cats and left him !

Longtimelurkerfinallyposts · 19/04/2024 20:58

Why does the dog get free run of the house, to shit and piss wherever it wants?
Why can't it be locked in one room, rather than the cats? Or even better, live in a kennel outside? (It is totally normal for many dogs to stay in an outdoor kennel rather than inside the home, esp in Spain and rural areas)

I don't understand why your boyfriend has been so blase about the situation, and why you two didn't discuss how living together would work (for you and all your pets) before (a) he bought the house; (b) you got pregnant and decided to have a child; (c) you decided to move to Spain, with your cats and away from all your friends & family, to live in the house?

Mere1 · 06/03/2025 06:05

Landlubber2019 · 25/03/2024 23:35

Move out, you have no trust in the dog and therefore must not be around when baby arrives.

Agree.

CandidRaven · 06/03/2025 06:49

I'm more concerned you will be having an untrained, aggressive dog near a newborn baby, I would prioritise my baby over anything and if he can't/won't rehome the dog then I'd be seeking to leave the situation before the baby is born, please keep your baby safe you do not know how this dog will react to having a new baby in the house

FarmGirl78 · 06/03/2025 06:51

You will be bringing a small, defenceless, wriggling, screaming child home to a house with a dog that attacks small moving things that irritate it. This is a recipe for death, never mind disaster.

You need to protect your child. Not in separate locked rooms. Not with anything off the vet. But with a completely different house. You need to leave.

OnlyHerefortheBiscuits · 06/03/2025 06:58

Zombie thread. @Mere1 why did you comment on this thread year old thread??

OP's baby must be born by now!

Nellsbell · 06/03/2025 07:30

A pit bull is a banned breed here. The dog is old possibly hence the peeing. Has a dog trainer worked with the dog? Can the cats be in a downstairs room with the window open so they can get outside. This sounds like a stressful situation. My bigger concern would be introducing the dog to the baby. Is the dog just unfriendly to animals or do you have a bigger issue?

OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 06/03/2025 07:44

The Op never did return to her thread, that she started a year ago.

Despite her stating she would have a talk with the boyfriend, and move out with her cats until further notice.

I suspect she stayed, has had the baby and is now stuck in a country that she can't leave with her baby ?

and she will have rehomed her cats.

Joystir59 · 06/03/2025 07:47

Why on earth are you choosing to live in his house or bring a child into this dirty dangerous situation. I'd give your bf a clear time limited ultimatum. The dog must go or you will.

ForeverLoveCeltic · 06/03/2025 23:39

I am so sorry that you find yourself in this intolerable position OP, surely if he cares for you and his unborn child he will get rid of this dog. I don't what country you're in but this breed is banned in the UK.

ForeverLoveCeltic · 06/03/2025 23:51

Where does the OP live?

OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 07/03/2025 00:20

As the Op was ( at least ) 2 months pregnant in March 24, the baby must be at least 6 months old now.

@ForeverLoveCeltic Spain

ForeverLoveCeltic · 07/03/2025 00:37

Silly me to not have checked the dates.

steff13 · 07/03/2025 01:27

ForeverLoveCeltic · 06/03/2025 23:51

Where does the OP live?

Spain

pinklepea · 09/03/2025 06:12

How has it gone? I'd love to see an update on situation. Reading post was hard to see solution so hoping it's all worked out well x

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