I cannot handle my boyfriend's dog anymore

[Applecake123]

Hi everyone, I hope you are all fine!
I'm in urgent need of advice, first of all, I want to highlight that I love all kind of animals, and I don't have anything specific against any breed.

I'll tey to make it short and explain the situation, I meet my boyfriend a year ago and we had a long distance relationship, we'll visit each other each month and I must say I am happy with him, he's hard working, he's a great person, and the most important, we incredibly connect.

Two months ago we took the desicion to move together, since I discovered I got pregnant. Everything has been wonderful, he bought a house, were we are both living together, bit here is the issue;
I have two cats, who are we'll trained and have never bitten or misbehaved. My boyfriend has a 10 years old pitbull who's not trained and, unfortunately (I did not noticed this before) not very well maintained, worse part the dog is incredibly aggressive towards other animals. Until now we did try to introduce them, and my cat's are really into getting close to the dog, but everytime the dog sees the cats he just wants to run towards them and attack them.

I'm terrorised that the dog will hurt my cats, and we are into the limit were it's either the dog locked downstairs, or my cats locked in the room (which makes me terribly angry, my cats spend days and nights locked in the room with me, without access to their litter box, because the dog cannot behave).

Plus point; the dog pee and poop everywhere in the house, it doesn't matter if you just walked her for 30 minutes, she will come back, rest and pee. She did her necessities in the couch, in the bed from downstairs, and the other couch.

Maybe here I am a bit not tolerant, but I was always very high demanding with myself and how clean my house was, plus now I am pregnant and I smell things five times more, so for me is like living in a house were it constantly stinks of dog pee, poop or just dog smell (yes, my boyfriend doesn't bath the dog, so it smells terrible, I can't even eat while the dog is near me, it just makes me sick).

This whole situation is making my life miserable. I know I sound extreme with this situation, bit I just cannot continue living this situation, seeing my cat's locked In a room because the dog cannot behave, but first of all, I cannot think of my child playing on the same place were the dog did her things.

I have tried to help my boyfriend as much as I could, I understand that this whole situation is also stressful for the dog, and it's been a month we are here, but all I do is clean every day 2 or 3 times the dogs pee and the poop. (My boyfriend is working, so technically is me cleaning it or being miserable with the smell)

I get it maybe the dog is not walking enough, and I have considered walking the dog myself to fix the issue, but the problem is that the dog pulls so much when walking, that I cannot control it, this dog goes crazy when he sees an other animal, and its so strong I'm afraid I wouldn't be able to control it, and I don't want the dog killing an other animal, I am not even allowed to walk the dog (it's a dangerous breed, so it's supposed to be walked by my boyfriend only) and I'm pregnant, I don't want the dog to make me fall or have an accident.

It's just like, the dog doesn't want any solution but just to be an ass hole, she broke two dog muzzles, so the idea of introducing the dog to my cat's using a muzzle is non existent, and I won't take the risk of just letting them be and having one of my cats killed.

Now, I don't want to ask my boyfriend to get rid of the dog, it's been with him for 10 years, I deeply love my animals, and I couldn't imagine giving up one of my cats, but I am stuck.
I know it's completely impossible to train the dog, she's too old, I'm pregnant and cannot really help (I barely stand to survive my own sickness) Andy boyfriend doesn't have time to train the dog, he works all day and comes back home extremely tired.

Any ideas of how to survive this? I'm literally crying every night thinking I will lose my boyfriend and my baby will lose growing with he's dad. I don't want that, but I don't want to live a miserable life, or force my cat's to live locked in a tiny room.
I need help desperately.

One the house needs a deep clean to get rid of the dogs pee incidents. Or the dog will go and pee in the same areas again. You could try putting the cats in a dog crate so they can meet each other without them getting hurt. It takes time for them to get used to each other. The dog may be urinating for territory reasons with the cats arriving.

Op did you move from the UK to Spain?

Have you got supportive family back home? It sounds like you are in a really vulnerable situation - new country, no family, no job, no rights to the house.

What are the laws about having a baby in Spain with a Spaniard and moving the child back to the mother's home country if things don't work out?

What a bloody mess. You’re so vulnerable. As your baby will be when it’s born..

That man holds all the cards.

Can you not afford to rent your own place?

this is a horrible situation for you. You need to think very clearly about how serious this is.

Your baby will not be safe around the dog.

For the next paragraph I am assuming Spain is not your home country, apologies if I am wrong on that. When the baby is born, you will not be able to move your child out of Spain without the father’s permission. So if the relationship fails, you will be trapped in Spain unless you leave your son or daughter behind. Is that a future you are prepared to have to face. Read the accounts of some of The Hague Mothers ( refers to The Hague convention)

Your first decision is that. Do you want to stay in Spain knowing you cannot leave without your baby if your relationship fails. I personally, having spoken to several Hague Mothers, would not risk this. I’d return to my home country whilst pregnant.

Your second decision is to tell him to get rid of the dog or you will leave him. This is your baby’s safety. It’s also untenable for you to live around dog piss and shit and aggression.
There is no compromise here. The dog goes or you go.

OP if you don't act, eventually that dog will kill one or more of your cats and potentially harm your child. Or even you. Please get yourself out of there and move back home. No man is worth that.

Ok. You don’t work. He didn’t work for a long time. You moved countries. You live in his house. You’re already pregnant. He has a dangerous dog.

This is a terrible mess of a situation. I advise you to move home, have your baby there where you have family support and your baby and your cats are safe from the dog, and maybe reassess your decision making.

No way would I be bringing a baby into a house with an untrained Pitbull. I also wouldn't be having a baby with someone lazy they can't care for a dog. Baby trumps dog so if he wants to stay with you and be a Dad then the dog has to go sadly. So unfair on the dog.

The peeing is the last of your problems, your biggest issue is you're about to have a tiny baby with a dangerous dog ready to pounce as soon as he gets the opportunity

For the safety of your unborn child, you need to move out of the house, get some help to find somewhere else to live. Don't let me read about this dog attacking your baby. Can you and your partner agree to send the dog away for training ? This is a no brainer lady. Good luck

This is a disaster waiting to happen. If you think you lack options now, having no money, no job, no family, and being pregnant with a bf of one year (mostly long distance) in a new country - and a dangerous and unsanitary dog in the house (which is awful but is the tip of the iceberg it turns out), just wait till you've had the baby there and then you'll be truly screwed. Please get some sense and backbone, for your unborn child if not for yourself and your cats. This won't get better. However in love you might be, this guy raised his dog this way and doesn't have a problem with it. He is not great dad material and he holds all the cards. Get help and get your shit together. Pregnancy does not render you inert in this situation.

I'm almost certain I've read this exact same scenario before, except you hadn't moved abroad yet and every single person was telling you not to go.

If this is real you have made some extremely baffling life choices.

What an absolute mess. You need to move out.

Neither of you are good animal owners and I dread to think what would happen to your poor baby if you stay.

Ok, the dog is a minor side issue, to the real issue that you are going to be trapped in Spain once your baby is born.

You need to leave to your home country now.

I have spoken to women who are trapped jobless and friendless in foreign countries because they cannot return home with their children as the father won’t give permission. You cannot imagine the trauma of that. Of losing all sense of yourself, of losing everything you wanted for yourself and your future.

Don’t risk facing that for a romantic notion of ‘connection’. He is gambling nothing on this ‘connection’. You are gambling your life, autonomy and sanity on it. You are gambling everything.

Don’t delay and find you are too pregnant to fly. Put yourself and your relationship with your baby first and go.

You cannot be considering bringing a newborn into this situation. The dog could easily kill your child. The dog has to go or you have to leave.

Can you go back to your home country? If you don’t have a job or somewhere you feel you can live then that would be my suggestion.

How are you maintaining your visa status as an unemployed (legally) single pregnant woman?

That breed of dog is responsible for more deaths and attacks than any other breed. Especially when they are not trained.

I cannot believe you are going to bring a baby into the house where a dangerous dog is. Mind blowing!

You should move back to your country so you can keep your baby safe.

If the dog is dangerous and wees/poops everywhere, how are you going to keep the baby safe? After 6 months your child will be crawling along the floor, how can they Void all the wee and poop?! I'd ask him to put it down due to the incontinence. Also put the litter tray/food and water in the room with the cats. When he takes the dog for a walk, let the cats out to play. Make sure he takes an hour and to ring you when he's back.

Are you trapped and can’t move or are you independent and can? You say both which isn’t terribly helpful.

The time to decide you didn’t like his dog was when you were dating and could dump him. It was pretty stupid of you to get pregnant. You need to move out and as pp said, go back to your home country to have your baby.

Firstly, are you entitled to benefits? Have you ever worked in the UK? You urgently need your own money. Of course you can work while pregnant. Legally employers can't discriminate against this. If a health visitor were to come round and see an untrained, aggressive dog plus poo and piss all over the place, well, they could involve social services. You must try and find somewhere else.
I'd say to him me and baby cannot and will not live under the same roof as the dog.
He might change his tune if he knows you're leaving?

I think you’d be ridiculous to bring a baby into a house with an aggressive, untrained dog that shits and pisses everywhere but you don’t sound like the most sensible couple.
You need to move back out or get rid of the dog and do NOT get another one.

Your boyfriend is an animal abuser. I couldn't be with someone like that and I'm disturbed you think it is OK too and that you are choosing to have a baby in these circumstances. It's a total sh*t show. Literally.

Unfortunately I am, I lost my job months ago, and couldn't find one. We also moved together because we thought together would be easier.
And I don't think I will get a job being pregnant.

What a mess. Did you think about having a termination before having a baby you can't afford with a man you barely know? What about these decisions felt right to you?

Do you have family and/or friends? If so, where are they? I'd borrow money from them and get a flight back home. Then you can see what benefits you're entitled to and go on the waiting list for a council house.

You are being very irresponsible and stupid if you stay where you are.