I cannot handle my boyfriend's dog anymore

[Applecake123]

Hi everyone, I hope you are all fine!
I'm in urgent need of advice, first of all, I want to highlight that I love all kind of animals, and I don't have anything specific against any breed.

I'll tey to make it short and explain the situation, I meet my boyfriend a year ago and we had a long distance relationship, we'll visit each other each month and I must say I am happy with him, he's hard working, he's a great person, and the most important, we incredibly connect.

Two months ago we took the desicion to move together, since I discovered I got pregnant. Everything has been wonderful, he bought a house, were we are both living together, bit here is the issue;
I have two cats, who are we'll trained and have never bitten or misbehaved. My boyfriend has a 10 years old pitbull who's not trained and, unfortunately (I did not noticed this before) not very well maintained, worse part the dog is incredibly aggressive towards other animals. Until now we did try to introduce them, and my cat's are really into getting close to the dog, but everytime the dog sees the cats he just wants to run towards them and attack them.

I'm terrorised that the dog will hurt my cats, and we are into the limit were it's either the dog locked downstairs, or my cats locked in the room (which makes me terribly angry, my cats spend days and nights locked in the room with me, without access to their litter box, because the dog cannot behave).

Plus point; the dog pee and poop everywhere in the house, it doesn't matter if you just walked her for 30 minutes, she will come back, rest and pee. She did her necessities in the couch, in the bed from downstairs, and the other couch.

Maybe here I am a bit not tolerant, but I was always very high demanding with myself and how clean my house was, plus now I am pregnant and I smell things five times more, so for me is like living in a house were it constantly stinks of dog pee, poop or just dog smell (yes, my boyfriend doesn't bath the dog, so it smells terrible, I can't even eat while the dog is near me, it just makes me sick).

This whole situation is making my life miserable. I know I sound extreme with this situation, bit I just cannot continue living this situation, seeing my cat's locked In a room because the dog cannot behave, but first of all, I cannot think of my child playing on the same place were the dog did her things.

I have tried to help my boyfriend as much as I could, I understand that this whole situation is also stressful for the dog, and it's been a month we are here, but all I do is clean every day 2 or 3 times the dogs pee and the poop. (My boyfriend is working, so technically is me cleaning it or being miserable with the smell)

I get it maybe the dog is not walking enough, and I have considered walking the dog myself to fix the issue, but the problem is that the dog pulls so much when walking, that I cannot control it, this dog goes crazy when he sees an other animal, and its so strong I'm afraid I wouldn't be able to control it, and I don't want the dog killing an other animal, I am not even allowed to walk the dog (it's a dangerous breed, so it's supposed to be walked by my boyfriend only) and I'm pregnant, I don't want the dog to make me fall or have an accident.

It's just like, the dog doesn't want any solution but just to be an ass hole, she broke two dog muzzles, so the idea of introducing the dog to my cat's using a muzzle is non existent, and I won't take the risk of just letting them be and having one of my cats killed.

Now, I don't want to ask my boyfriend to get rid of the dog, it's been with him for 10 years, I deeply love my animals, and I couldn't imagine giving up one of my cats, but I am stuck.
I know it's completely impossible to train the dog, she's too old, I'm pregnant and cannot really help (I barely stand to survive my own sickness) Andy boyfriend doesn't have time to train the dog, he works all day and comes back home extremely tired.

Any ideas of how to survive this? I'm literally crying every night thinking I will lose my boyfriend and my baby will lose growing with he's dad. I don't want that, but I don't want to live a miserable life, or force my cat's to live locked in a tiny room.
I need help desperately.

He either rehomes the dog or you rehome yourself. You can't just introduce 2 cats into an old dogs space and expect them to tolerate it. And your child is likely to be in danger too. I love dogs, more than I like most people, but I can't believe you didn't think this through better.

Well, this is what happens when you blindly rush into a serious relationship without giving it thought.

"Technically I cannot move out, I'm pregnant, in a new country, with no job, and unfortunately I don't have family to help me."
You can move back to wherever you were living before you moved in with this random boyfriend?

You cannot raise a baby in a home with a dangerous breed dog, and you cannot raise a baby in a home where a dog deficates indoors, so you cannot live with the dog.

This man is not managing to care for a dog, so he's unlikely to be much use at caring for a baby. It would be best all around if you find a suitable place to live alone with the baby.

Unfortunately I'd suggest you rehome your cats too, as they are going to become stressed, from moving, terrorised by the dog, moving again, arrival of a noisy baby, your lack of income.

You’re delusional if you think that the welfare and safety of a human child is less important than a dog. You just can’t handle the thread not following your batshit narrative

Poor dog, I can see exactly where this is going.

What YOU need to do is ask your parents for the money for the flight back home, you should never have moved yourself and your cats into that situation - you must have known he had the dog before you chose to move in with him ?!!!

then you accidentally got pregnant, and you have no job - I suppose you gave it up when you moved to another country ? thus your lost your independence.
oh dear what a mess.

and you have only been together a year.

He can’t even take proper responsibility for a dog, what makes you think he’s capable of raising and taking responsibility for a child?
Your cats will be toast.
At best your child will be living in a shit ridden house. At worst, attacked by an out of control dangerous dog.
Sorry just no.

You could suggest you rehome the cats and the dog. None of whom are being looked after properly.
Get rid of the sofas etc where the dog did its business.
Clean and make your house ready for your baby.

I have two questions

1. Why do you allow any animal on the beds?
2. How does one become accidentally pregnant in this day and age?

It's a ticking time bomb for how long it will be until the dog gets to one or both of your cats and kills them.

Would you qualify for any benefits in your home country (are you from the uk?) Is there somebody whose sofa you can sleep on?

Honestly no decent man would have an untrained pitbull, nor expect his pregnant partner to move in and live amongst so much dog shot and pee everywhere.

I'm an absolute dog lover but this dog needs to be euthanized. She can't stay and rehoming her won't go well.

OP, can I ask how far along you are with this pregnancy, and also how old you are? As quite honestly, if it's not too late, I would be giving serious consideration to terminating this pregnancy. You had a long distance relationship for a few months, moved to a different country, to live with a man who you barely know, and are now pregnant by him. You have no job, no money of your own, and are living with a potentially killer animal. None of these things bode well for raising a child with this man. As others have already advised, I think you should consider whether the pregnancy is really the right thing for you at this stage in your life, and whether it is, or isn't, I feel absolutely certain, that for your future life and safety, you should move back to live with your parents. This relationship has so many red flags you're drowning in them. Please do the sensible thing and leave this relationship before you ruin your life.

I think the point they are trying to make is that it is highly likely that neither the dog nor the foetus actually exist.

@MaloneMeadow I’m totally delusional because I think a creature totally dependent on it’s owner has the real threat of death because a grown woman with agency to sort out her own living situation wants it gone and has no patience for it.

The sad thing is I personally think think this all BS… but it will get and those of your kind frothing at the mouth and will make it even harder to shake the ignorant knee jerk reaction to dog breeds, thereby causing more unneeded death to animals.

So yeah… if the OP is real…this is a situation of her own making she is a functioning adult and and should do what she thinks is best. Move out and let the dog go on it’s merry existence

• the dog is not too old to train, no dog is too old to train, it's very hard work but as a father to be he has no other responsible choice but to train this dog

• mixing dogs and cats is also hard work and not always possible depending on temperament

• you will now have to choose between co-habiting with the father of your child and his dog (which he may not be willing to train) or leaving to live with your cats (I'd prob go with cats - and I love pit bulls but this untrained situation is stress you don't need in pregnancy - but obviously your choice)

• the dogs and cats cannot cohabit; the baby and dog also cannot cohabit if dog is untrained, it's not safe

• don't shoulder this whole burden alone - ask your partner what HE suggests you do about this situation. If he just says it will be fine, he's irresponsible/has his head in the sand and going to be useless so you may as well set up elsewhere with the cats asap

• your animals deserve the best life and they're being failed right now. If either of you does make a decision to rehome any of these very loved pets please make sure they go to good responsible homes to have a happy retirement with people willing and able to fulfil all their needs... I'm sure a good outcome for them will also be critical to reducing your stress about this bad situation

The dog is already being neglected. Better to let it go than live like that with shit quality of life and a rubbish, careless owner who can’t even be bothered to train or control it. I say this as I currently sit on the sofa with my own dog lying on my lap, I’m as far as you can get from ‘lacking empathy for defenceless animals’

I’m as far as you can get from ‘lacking empathy for defenceless animals’

Except if it ticks certain boxes in the breed category.. but go on patting your ‘acceptable’ dog and feeling righteous

The word wasn’t defenceless…

Sorry OP but what a foolish, ridiculous, preventable mess. You moved in with someone you barely knew after 9-10 months of long distance, and now you're pregnant, jobless and completely financially dependent on him? Him and his untrained and aggressive dog that it sounds like he isn't caring for, toileting or exercising properly. Unbelievable. Surrender your cats to a welfare charity because they have no life in that house and then get yourself out, claim any benefits you are entitled to and give your head a wobble. I wouldn't even expect a teenager to behave as blindly and thoughtlessly as this.

It's clear that I need to have a conversation again with my boyfriend, ask him to solve the issue, or I'll be leaving. Yes, I put myself into a difficult situation, but as well I am independent to take my stuff and leave.

I wouldn't have my child coexist with a dog who's peeing everywhere. I really hope there is a way to train the dog, and that we will find it.

Thank you for your response and help, highly appreciated

One more point - if 10 year old dog is becoming incontinent - no one wants to hear it , but is it coming to its natural time and it has had a nice life and time to be PTS. I am sure boyfriend won't want to hear that but I would do another vet's appointment and see how the dog is. Dogs can get to 16 or older , the bigger the dog ( I believe ) the shorter their life. But I am sure boyfriend won't want to hear this. To be clear I am not saying the dog should be PTS because of the baby , just the dog may have found her time to live on the farm if incontinent in the house.

My dog doesn’t pose a health + safety risk to a small baby, never mind a pregnant woman. No matter what breed you get, ‘dangerous’ or not they need the appropriate care and training which OP’s boyfriend obviously is not prepared to commit to if he’s 10 years in with an untrained dog. Do try a bit harder next time to make your (non-existent) point.

@BasiliskStare

' to live on the farm ' oh yes ! every Spanish farm is crying out to adopt pit bulls.

Now I have read it all !

Move home to your family. Seriously.
He's not a good man. He's continued to put your cats at risk. He's a dickhead.

Whether you keep the child or not, leave him. And if you can't afford to rent alone, go back home.

You obviously cannot raise a baby around a dangerous dog. But the issue is bigger than this. Your man has no respect for you. Here you are twisting yourself in knots making dangerous exceptions for him and he literally doesn't give a fuck about you.

Personally I wouldn't have his child.

But ffs protect your cats. The current situation is animal abuse. And a child in the home with that dog would be child abuse.

I believe that is a euphemism

You believe right.

So let’s go down this path.

@LoobyDop why would you stay with a man you are totally dependent on who puts his dog before your and his child’s well-being?

Shouldn’t you be preparing for the likely scenario where things get worse after the birth?

What are your long term plans with this peach of a guy?