Paying to attend a baby shower???

[Sunshinemarie]

A work colleague/friend has invited me to their baby shower which is £20 to attend! Is this normal nowadays? Just seems a lot when the expectation for baby showers is to take a gift aswell.

Yes it's normal if you're going out to a venue for a brunch, afternoon tea etc...
If the person inviting you is hosting it at their home. They usually cover the costs.

I no longer attend them on principle (my 30s was spent essentially paying out £££££ on my friends’ and colleagues’ weddings and births and it’s unlikely to ever be my turn). But I think there’s an increasing trend to treat them like hen do weekends where they cost money to attend - the last couple I attended there was a price of entry and the work ones I’ve turned down I’d say 50% charged for entry + required a gift.

I think the horse has long bolted, however tacky we Brits find baby showers.

Are you paying for a meal in a venue? Or a delivery of some sort? If not then it’s unreasonable, but if you are then it’s fine.

Personally, I covered all cost at my baby shower and have only been to ones that have done the same. Obviously, I’ve always bought a gift for the parents, but I wouldn’t imagine it’s the norm to pay to go to a baby shower? Maybe it’s evolving or I’m out of touch with the ‘hip’ ways of celebrating now 🤷‍♀️

The problem is that when y'all imported our American tradition of baby showers, you left out some important parts. First of all, no one hosts their own shower. In fact, it's questionable even for a close family member to host a shower. It should be done by friends. Secondly, you don't pay to go to a baby shower. The hosts (and there are usually more than one to help share the cost) pay for the party. The only exception to this might be a shower hosted at work, where people chip in to pay for the refreshments.

Also generally speaking, there is no alcohol consumed because the honoree cannot drink.

You'd have to pay me to attend one. Zero chance I'd be paying for one.

People always defend them saying it's meant to be a nice afternoon at home with cake and games. But loads of them seem to be out at venues where there's a significant cost. That trend doesn't really do the defenders any favours.

TG I have never been invited to one!

I can't even count the number of baby showers I've been to, considering that I live in the Southern US. My guess is somewhere around 30. I have never been to one in a venue other than a private home.

I disagree.

I am hosting a baby shower for my daughter, at a venue with an afternoon tea and I am paying for everyone.

Although I suppose it does depend on finances of course

What is the world turning into?
Whenever we have invited people, we always pay - what a joke

Bottom line, don't invite guests if you cant afford them - have some shame.

Thanks for the replies. This one is at a local hotel so assume the hotel will be providing some food. I'm not a huge fan of baby showers tbh, I didn't have one with my own. I didn't want anyone to feel under pressure to buy anything and also would rather know baby has arrived safely before celebrating!

A friend of mine set up a WhatsApp group of some ‘close friends’ then left the group and asked us to organise the baby shower including paying for everything!!!!! Unbelievable.

It’s the norm these days. It’s tied up with the whole entitlement thing. It generally follows on from someone recently married who had a 10 day hen’s in Ibiza costing thousands each, with dummy spit at anyone who didn’t feel they could go.

Previously we’d just have a cake and card on last day at work before mat leave, and health permitting friends would see if the mum to be wanted to go to lunch on the weekend, and generally her lunch would be covered. Small gift and card were given after babies safe arrival. Now unless there are presents at eleventy billion points people feel hard done by.

@Katherineryan1986 my mother didn't charge anyone either.
But some friends showers that I've been to do charge.
I guess it guess depends on who's hosting 🤷🏻‍♀️

This is a little cheeky tbh, sounds like guests are effectively paying for the baby shower she is choosing to have. I appreciate that times are hard and she may want to celebrate on a budget, but then perhaps she could do something low key at home. Why book a hotel? What are you thinking of doing OP?

So decline. If more people start declining invitations to things they think are ridiculous and unnecessary then eventually people will stop having them. But if everyone keeps accepting invitations and paying their £20 it will soon become even more the norm and more people will be guilted into it.

10 day hen 🤣

In my friendship group it’s a someone home. Core group of friends divide up providing things between us eg one sweet food, one savoury, one drinks, one party games. Additional friends outside out friendship are invited and if asked what they can bring we would say a bottle of alcohol (if drinkers) or nibbles.

I know of others who have gone out for afternoon tea and therefore the expectation is to pay your own way.

I really don't understand the issue. If you went out for lunch with your friends, you would pay, yes? So for this baby shower it sounds like you are also going out for lunch with your friends, one of whom happens to be pregnant. So why on earth should you not pay for yourself? Would you prefer your pregnant friend to pay for you?! Talk about CF!

If this isn't someone you would ordinarily want to go out for lunch with then you shouldn't have been invited and it's fine to just say you're busy and not go.

(and FYI I had my baby shower at my mum's house with a few sandwiches and cakes, which was lovely, and most of my friends have done the same. But we've had absolutely no problem going to the couple of showers we've been invited to at a restaurant and paying our own way, as we would at any other occasion!)

I was invited to one recently that was £10 a head to cover food/decs.

Generally if it's been in someone's house there's no charge.

I remember going to one about 10 years ago and paying about £12 each.

My thoughts exactly, by the time I've paid my £20, bought a gift, probably have to pay for drinks there and paid a babysitter it will probably cost me £80?! Which I just can't justify or afford so will decline.

The way I learned it, a baby shower shouldn’t be hosted by the guest of honor’s mother, grandmother, or sister, or the “in-law” equivalent of those roles. An aunt or a cousin hosting one is okay.

And, yes, very tacky to throw your own baby shower or make guests pay to attend. The cost of the shower is on the host, sometimes with money contributed from other people similarly connected to the mother-to-be. (Think: Aunt Sue organized the shower, and Aunt Linda and Cousin Jennifer paid for the decorations.)

I’ve never heard about a “no alcohol” rule, though.

Yes, the showers that I was invited to where the host asked for a price, it was for decorations/games/cake/venue, not a meal or tea as such (which would be fine).

That's really interesting to hear. Thank you.

It’s not just a new thing , my neice had one 18 years ago . She hired a small private room at a large entertainment venue and everyone had to pay so much per head to enter and have some nibbles supplied but also buy your own drinks . I personally think it’s cheeky as fuck .