Paying to attend a baby shower???

[Sunshinemarie]

A work colleague/friend has invited me to their baby shower which is £20 to attend! Is this normal nowadays? Just seems a lot when the expectation for baby showers is to take a gift aswell.

I think us brits have only imported the grabby side of baby showers.

I arranged a baby shower recently. I didn't know anyone that was going. Made a WhatsApp group with them all and suggested afternoon tea with a private room hire. This was at a hotel out of town from me but near the mum to be.
Everyone was happy with this and we split the cost equally. I then paid for all the decorations and games.
I've also hosted one at home where I covered the cost.
I just threw the idea out there and everyone was happy to pay. If they weren't I'd have thought of something else.
Some people like to celebrate happy moments in life. There's far too much tragedy we will all go/have been through so why not.
There's no way I could afford to pay for everyone and no one expected it. Everyone's different with different budgets but luckily my friend's friends were happy to spend £30 to make it special for her which I was really grateful for.
We all justify what to spend our money on differently, just explain it's out of budget and they can change the plan or understand you can't be there.

Ha ha ha.

No.

If they want to throw a party just so they can receive a load of gifts they can fork out for it.

I have paid for literally every baby shower I've been to (A LOT!) apart from 1 that was small enough to be held at home.

I have no idea why people are so weird about feeling they are paying "for" hen parties/baby showers etc. as though they are doing some sort of massive favour to the hen/mother to be. What you are almost always paying for is the activity (x) whether that's a hotel room, a meal, etc. Why on earth is that weird or entitled?

The hen/shower might be the REASON you are doing x but you are just paying for yourself. I've never been to a hen/baby shower where anyone has made a profit - just where venue charges £20 for afternoon tea, therefore all guests pay £20. Exactly as they would if it wasn't a baby shower and they were just meeting at that venue for a catch up. Very few venues will just let large groups of people use their facilities without buying anything. If you'd be happy to just meet up with a friend normally and pay for your own food/drinks, why is it suddenly some sort of great imposition just because it's for a specific reason?

And if you're not happy to pay the set price, just don't go! It's an invitation, not a summons, to trot out the MN fave. If you're going to sit there begrudging paying the cost for your OWN MEAL then I'm sure the mother to be would just prefer you not attend.

It's a weird MN specific thing - in real life I have NEVER heard anyone moan about paying for themselves at any hen/baby shower/birthday meal etc. I can't imagine how entitled you'd have to be to assume that the bride/mother should pay for the pleasure of your company! I've been to hens where there were more than 30 people - that would be £600 at £20 a head!

Most of the baby showers that I have been to in the US have been fairly modest affairs, tea sandwiches, cakes and punch sort of thing at someone's home. I think it's important to remember that people are expected to bring a gift to a baby shower, so expecting them to pay to attend on top of that is a bit unreasonable, in my opinion.

Really don't see the issue. It's a party in a hotel so you pay for yourself.

I've been to showers at home and at venues.
Out at a venue I'd expect to pay for my food and drinks. Just like I would for a birthday dinner or similar.

I've never paid to attend a shower at home but I have brought food or baked cakes.

Never came across this. I'd be swerving it.

Definitely decline as £80 all in is a lot, but if it’s something like afternoon tea then I think it’s normal to pay for yourself. However, the mum to be should make it clear no presents are expected.

Generally paid an amount to cover my afternoon tea plus a share of the person who it is for. I don’t think paying something is unreasonable, if the host was to pay for it probably won’t happen as it will be difficult for that person to afford and it’s often the same people who will be happy to arrange for multiple people. Why should the ones who put in the effort to arrange also have to pick up the bill for everyone else

I really do see it as bad manners to invite guests and charge them! If I was invited I'd probably go and pay the £20 or whatever but I'd be cringing inside. Would never do it myself.

To add the ones have I have been to haven’t been about presents; just spending time together/afternoon tea/ some light games

Would you prefer to just not be invited to things? It’s cringe to also just expect everyone else to arrange and pay for things whilst you sit back and attend for free

As if!

Came to say exactly this - spent 10 years attending baby shower in Georgia + Texas in my 20s - and then when I came home to the UK I was horrified by the grabby / inelegant versions of them.

People can call them ‘tacky and American’ but I assure you the ones I attended in the USA were nothing like the ones over here….

So you pay to attend the party and buy a gift, do you also buy a gift when the baby is born and you visit?
People will start charging to attend weddings next.
If you host a party, you host it, you don't charge entry.

You're absolutely right. The ones in the USA are different.

Often a babyshower is not hosted by the person who it is for. If you host your own party then fair enough you pay for everyone but when you are hosting for someone else then it’s different and usually everyone chips in. Often there won’t even be a host but will be arranged collectively by a number of the guests

The ones I’ve attended didn’t involve giving a gift for the baby. Generally we all chipped in to get something for the mother to be like a pregnancy massage etc. I have then given the baby a present when I met them.
I think most people have a baby shower to spend time with their friends/celebrate and not to receive presents

Thank you - I never had a baby shower, there was no such thing when mine were born, so I do find it strange. I'm not completely sure about the point because I always take a gift and visit when the baby is born, and don't feel comfortable celebrating beforehand. Each to their own, though.

Right, so it's not gift giving? That's quite different to what I've read before on here.

If you'd be happy to just meet up with a friend normally and pay for your own food/drinks, why is it suddenly some sort of great imposition just because it's for a specific reason?

Because when you go out with friends it is not an invitation.usually, it's mutually agreed. "Hey shall we meet up?" "Yeah I can do Tuesday?" "How about The Bull?" "Oh I'm the other side of town, can we do The Bell?" "Sure, see you there".
Not: "You are.invited to a baby shower. It is in this place, at this time, to celebrate me, by the way it will cost you £20"

The ones I have attended have been a group of women having an afternoon tea and chatting. We have done things like guess the name/weight/date of birth of the baby. The one joint present and card has been presented at some point but is a very minor part of the event.
they have been organised on a WhatsApp group for all guests except the person it is for with one of two people taking the lead in organising/decision making but getting buy in from everyone on dates/location/gift.

mine was a complete suprise event for me. It was at my house due to Covid but the guests brought the food and drinks with them and decorations (my husband was informed so took me out whilst they set up/let them in/make sure our house was presentable for guests)

My two daughters, her sister in law, best friend and I just hosted a baby shower for my daughter a few weeks ago. We had it at a church hall. The girls did the games and decorations because my daughter loves stuff like that. Her father and I paid for the lunch. No one should pay to go to a baby shower. Just have what you can afford.

Omg this is shocking. When did people become so entitled?!

I disagree. You take your turn when it's your turn to host. And you cut your cloth accordingly- can be as simple or as lavish as you wish. You can do tea and cake at home for pennies which can be just as nice a party.- and no pressure on people who will have already had some expense in order to attend- perhaps a gift for you, travel to venue etc. Nothing is free to attend.. you always go to expense of some sort for special occasions!
I think it's nice to treat your guests.
No, its not that I don't want invitations, I said I would pay what they asked, I just wouldn't do it myself.
Different strokes for different folks.. we can't all be/think the same!