Paying to attend a baby shower???

[Sunshinemarie]

A work colleague/friend has invited me to their baby shower which is £20 to attend! Is this normal nowadays? Just seems a lot when the expectation for baby showers is to take a gift aswell.

i imagine that someone else asked to arrange her a baby shower and said can you set this group up and then leave. That’s pretty normal for hen & stag parties and baby showers.

The problem is though is that there is not necessarily a host. The person who it is for is often unaware that it is even happening.

About as tacky as you can get to invite someone to an event and ask them to help pay for it. If you can't afford to host an event, don't invite people to an event. Very ill mannered indeed.

Another American here… from the north if that matters. No paying for a party that you are invited to with the expectation of presents is gauche

Baby showers are typically a light brunch-type buffet, wine and champagne only… women only…stupid but easy games, present opening… and done. 3 hours tops. Hosted by the BF of the new mum

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The last one I went to was a little different in that it was co-ed at a fancy venue (that one set of parents own) and was a weekend affair (a lot of people traveling in, including the parents to be) and was officially hosted by the sisters of the mum2be.

There was a fair amount of drinking because of the venue and most were staying on-site due to travel… but the respectable part had concluded earlier in the day and parents2be left to do more family stuff with her family.

I think we bought pizza late in the night for everyone who was still around for a couple of hundred $ but technically the actual baby shower had ended long before.

The post says she asked everyone to organise it for her (and pay for it) though.

I work in a venue and we do more baby showers than any other event, including hen parties, they're really popular.
And they are spendy, one recently wasn't far off a grand because of extras and the numbers attending.
And some of the M-T-Bs are more demanding about things than some of the brides I've dealt with.

Obviously they're a reason my wages keep coming so professionally I like them. Personally I wouldn't attend one and certainly wouldn't pay to!

Hello friends, I'm holding an event at which you shower me with gifts for my baby. By the way, you have to pay to come too.
See you there
love
Cheeky Fucker

The host is the person/people putting on the party?
I'm sure most mums to be have known about their baby showers.. but perhaps that's just my circle. It usually involves the mum wearing a white dress, some kind of sash and having a bouncy blow dry!

No? Is this a real thing? I am gobsmacked. I think this is rude, grabby, tone deaf, entitled and well, tacky.
If you take a gift to the shower are you supposed to get another one when the baby’s born?

I buy a gift when the baby arrives (safely). My mum terrified me with ominous warnings of “bad luck” re getting baby gift before it was here. I know it’s dumb superstition but I could never shake that one although I am generally rational. I will happily add to work based collection for treat for mum at start of maternity leave, but that’s it.

Won’t be attending say baby showers.

I think most people have a baby shower to spend time with their friends/celebrate and not to receive presents

If there are no presents, it's not a shower. The idea is to "shower" the mom to be and baby to come with presents. It's a cultural thing in the US and actually grows from an "it takes a village" type of notion.

I don't usually give another gift after the baby is born if I have given a shower gift, with some exceptions. I have given a second gift for nieces, nephews and Godchildren.

"I'd like to have some friends round for tea & cakes on Saturday afternoon from 2pm till about 5pm. Can you make it?"
Or
"I'd love to meet up for afternoon tea in xyz venue, let me know if you can make it and I'll book a table for us all. They've a set menu of £20 a head, hope that works for you?"

Both sound lovely. I get the US baby shower thing, but our UK version always sounds grabby because its not been the norm till now.

Baby showers just feel like begging to me. I’d have been mortified if someone set one up for me.

But I don’t think what you’ve said is our UK version. Well, not in my experience and many others on this thread in the UK.

Is there still an expectation for a gift? I thought that was the whole point of a baby shower. However, as I said upthread, perhaps this has evolved over time/not in my circle.

I'm in no way defending baby showers as I'm not a fan for various reasons, but presumably one reason they're more likely to happen at someone's house in the US is that the houses are much bigger. The reason so many are afternoon tea type affairs here is because no-one has space to host more than a handful of friends and/or family!

It's cheeky. Just decline if you don't want to go.

That is so beyond classless I can't even think of a comment. YANBU

Just another excuse for entitled narcissists to grab some attention, thankfully never been to one.

I find them a vulgar and unnecessary and wouldn’t attend, and absolutely wouldn’t pay to attend! Another American import. Nope. We celebrate when the baby actually arrives here 😂

I noticed they now do gender reveal parties for puppies and kittens too! The world has gone mad!!!

I'm so sick and tired of being asked to cough up endlessly these days and in a COL crisis too. If its not a hen it's a baby shower and then an actual baby's born shindig, or a convoluted wedding or a housewarming gift list because theyve just bought their first house. Can we just get back to hen does down the local pub?

I wouldn't mind but 80% of these relationships fail anyway

Honestly, I wouldn't go!

I am so glad mine were born pre the baby shower trend!

I’ve proudly never been to one. Just decline it.

I would decline that. I really don’t like baby showers and I definitely wouldn’t pay to go to one, regardless of venue or how much i’m being fed. You invited me, you pay. People don’t seem to accept that many women don’t actually find baby showers enjoyable.

ugggh, this is so cringe and indulgent. Did they also have a gender sex reveal party? Maybe a lavish wedding, expensive hen and engagement party too.

decline, if they’re real friends send a card and gift after the birth.

I think if you are hosting an event and inviting guests then you should pay for your guests. So on that premise, I would decline the invitation & send a gift for when the baby arrives. The mother to be essentially wants a lavish party paid for by others. I feel the same about ridiculous OTT multi event hen do's which eventually results in fall outs.