Paying to attend a baby shower???

[Sunshinemarie]

A work colleague/friend has invited me to their baby shower which is £20 to attend! Is this normal nowadays? Just seems a lot when the expectation for baby showers is to take a gift aswell.

@PinkPelicans your poor DIL and family. Devastating 😢

I was thinking the same. For that price I woudln't be expecting very much or for it to be of a good quality. Even the word venue sounds like an institution, very drab. I wonder who enjoys this kind of thing (apart from the MTB and the gifts)

It adds up if a lunch then a present. I think most people buy another gift after the birth. Not my thing.

I think £20 is fine, I would happily spend that on a lunch to wish a friend well before she had a baby. And, y'know, enjoy myself.

In my group of 4 we had a lunch or dinner out before each baby, just us women, no DHs or DCs who'd usually be there. The pregnant one didn't pay and the others brought a few decorations and little gifts to treat her. Mostly gifts for her as none of us like buying for a baby who isn't safely here yet.

It's nice.

Yes, I’d gladly spend £20 on a lunch with friends, IF I got a say in where we were going, was able to drink what I wanted, didn’t have to spend the whole time talking about one friend being pregnant and pretending to be infinitely interested and didn’t have to also buy a gift for her simply because she got pregnant. I’ll buy a gift FOR THE BABY once it arrives.

Lunch is standard. Buying gifts and decorations for the lunch is not necessary.

It sounds more tasteful than the others though, and perhaps more enjoyable for the friends who can order wine if they like and talk about other subjects.

I think it's pretty standard with a big group not to get a say in the venue, the organiser or birthday boy/girl makes the call.

I'm sure all of the conversation won't be about the pregnancy.

In my experience, not all of the conversation at a baby shower is about pregnancy /babies. Some of it probably would be but that would probably be the case if I went out for lunch with someone in their late pregnancy anyway but lots of it will be on lots of other stuff too, same as any lunch.

I used to think this but then realised that if something did happen then I would be totally devestated regardless and whether or not I had a baby shower would make no difference. Not saying anyone should have one; I really didn’t want one for this reason but then had a surprise one and it was nice.

You couldn't pay me to attend one.

New parents receive gifts for their baby when the baby is born.

It is also sad to throw away the gifts that would have been intended for the baby that was lost. It feels in poor taste to celebrate a baby that hasn't even made it safely into the world, and I feel uncomfortable about it personally.

The gatherings I've been to have been more about wishing the pregnant woman luck and sending her on her way than celebrating the baby if that makes any sense. A moment to show her some love.

@postcard Thank you.

That is true. At my baby shower i recieved a newborn photo shoot as the gift so yes it would have been wasted but nothing to throw away.
that being said, I bought plenty of stuff in preparation for the baby and getting rid of that/putting it away for a future baby would have been incredibly sad anyway and I am not sure anything from a baby shower would make much difference in the scheme of it. Fortunately I haven’t been in that situation so could be completely wrong and apologise to anyone who has been if that’s not the case.

Honestly some people on here are sooo miserable !! It’s a nice excuse to get together and make your friend feel special.

I really do question how some people on here have any friends at all with all their whining about weddings / hens / baby showers and making out like it’s a huge inconvenience. Surely you want to be there to celebrate your friends major milestones ?! Is the issue that people get invited to things by people they aren’t really that close with and that’s why they feel resentful?!

OP, are you a close friend?? For a close friend I think you’re being UR as it’s a nice thing to do. If it’s one of those where everyone the MTB has ever met has been invited then I can understand why you might not be so keen to go.

Say what now 🫣.

I’ve never attended a baby shower, birthday party or anything else where I’ve been expected to pay towards the venue, and I hope folks in my circle don’t start getting ridiculous ideas.

How embarrassing 😳.

Fuck me.

There really are some miserable joy vacuums in the world.

Can't imagine they have many invites to turn down for any events.

I cannot imagine getting het up about paying 20 quid for my own lunch, spending a few hours with people I'm assuming I call friends, to celebrate any joyous event.

I also would never begrudge shockhorror buying a small token gift for either the mother and the baby, and then another gift when the baby is safely here.

People seem to have very warped views of friendship, I can only assume they've never experienced it.

People get annoyed at being expected to shell out loads of money for hen do’s and baby showers because often it’s an activity they don’t want to do with people who they don’t know / like (except for the hen / mother to be) in a location that is inconvenient. It’s not like being invited to other activities with friends where it’s fine to say you don’t want to go because it’s not your thing, too far away or too expensive etc.

Personally I have no problem turning down invitations to hen do’s or baby showers and have done in the past where they’ve been massively inconvenient or whatever. But other people find it puts them in a really difficult position as they don’t like letting people down.

Yes, for a BIRTHDAY!

A birthday is every year. A baby is a much bigger deal, if it's ok for a birthday, why on earth wouldn't it be ok for a baby.

By paying towards the venue it is probably actually paying for the food/drink you are getting a cafe/restaurant. So you’ve never been out for someone’s birthday and paid for your own meal or drinks?

I am glad my friends aren’t high maintenance like this! Many have four plus children. If we organised a baby shower for every child each of us have had we would never leave the ‘venue’ and would be several stone heavier and in vast amounts of debt!! 😂

I think showers are for Princess types having just the one child. Trust me anyone that has multiples would not have the will, patience or energy!

What you find nice, doesn’t apply to everyone. To me constant baby talk is miserable and I don’t have friends who need their specialness to be acknowledged by the way of gifts and being the focus of attention in any imported way they can find. I can celebrate my friends milestones without tacky shite like this.

Because A. People don’t tend to arrange parties where they ask their friends for cash AND gifts for every birthday, and B. It’s our culture. Baby showers are not, they are an import that attention seekers have jumped on. Just because I and others don’t do baby showers, doesn’t mean we don’t acknowledge our friends having children, you know there’s a middle ground?

I’ve attended a birthday dinner and paid for my meal, yes. In a restaurant that is sometimes expected, and sometimes the celebrant / family covers meals and drinks.

A baby shower, nope. Never paid a penny to attend one, but then I’ve never attended one in a hall or restaurant either 🤷🏽‍♀️. They’re normally kept at someone house.

Of all the events I’ve attended where persons hire a hall, cater and all the extras that come with that, no - I have never paid. I’m only expected to turn up, and I usually take a generous gift.