Paying to attend a baby shower???

[Sunshinemarie]

A work colleague/friend has invited me to their baby shower which is £20 to attend! Is this normal nowadays? Just seems a lot when the expectation for baby showers is to take a gift aswell.

If it's a group going for a meal then fine to pay for yourself. You order what you want and pay for it.
But if it's a buffet like you would have at a party for a wedding or birthday then surely the host pays. How is it different to a wedding or birthday party?

surely the 'fun' comes from....interacting with one's friends? I have never in all the baby showers I've attended JUST talked about the prospective baby for 2 hours...maybe a few polite enquiries and then the rest of the time it's just a general chat, exactly as it would be if the 'reason' for a meeting was a birthday or a new job or just a catch up with friends.

Have you really never met friends for a coffee or gone out for food and not drunk? You can only envisage being able to have fun and enjoy yourself with a drink in hand? Seems sad....

Eughhhh baby showers and gender reveals. Why o why do people have them. Narcissistic imo

Generally I work on the assumption the host pays. I find asking guests for money a bit awkward.

Baby showers have been shoehorned into our culture for no good reason whatsoever. Ditto those flashy Gender Reveal events.

Some years back I worked in local government and it was an unspoken rule that gifts for baby were NEVER given until the baby arrived, the reasoning being that until the birth giving presents was very much like tempting fate. It seemed logical to me.

That sounds absolutely ridiculous.
"I invite you to pay for my baby shower". Absolutely NOT!

Reminds me of all the horrendous "bridezilla" stories.

this is probably one of the most misogynistic things I've read on MN.
Because of course the only thing 30 year old women do as a group is squeal and get sentimental about cute ickle babies.

Every baby shower I've been to has included some chat about the mother's welfare, obviously, because giving birth is actually quite a big deal....and then the rest of the time we've just chatted, and laughed, as normal, as we would about anything else. Jobs, politics, partners, holidays, families, as we would if the impetus for the get together was a birthday or Christmas or someone's new job, or new house, or going travelling, or whatever....pretty much exactly as a group of MEN, or a mixed sex group would do.

But then I seem to be quite rare on MN for actually liking my friends and enjoying celebrating major life events with them rather than seeing them inviting me as some sort of reluctant and miserable obligation.

Seriously, for those of you who think the people inviting you to baby showers are such grasping, greedy, selfish, bores.....why are you friends with these people in the first place? Or have you never actually been to one and are just basing your assumptions of what they consist of from accounts of other posters on MN who have also never attended one? I don't understand why people are getting so het up about the audacity of an invite that you can just say no to if it's not your thing!

It's no different to being expected to pay to attend a 30th/40th party 🤣

YANBU

I was once invited as a guest to a baby shower of a close friend, bought an expensive gift. On arrival was handed an apron by her mother who chastised me if I served the guests (her friends) tea too slowly or took a moment to sit down and speak to anyone.

I’ve loved all the baby showers I’ve gone to, but maybe I just have nice friends? They provide food and drink, play a few silly games and generally just catch up. It’s nice.

It is different if having in your own home a small baby shower and having food and drinks and all provided free but in a hotel I would expect to pay unless they are extremely wealthy. It is not a lot 20 and am sure must get some food and tea/coffee etc. Wouldn't bother me at all as not a lot of money really. We never had all this crap with baby reveal, then baby shower, now hen weeks abroad, it is gone ridiculous really and all for show.

I think baby showers are really bizarre as a concept anyway.

I’ve attended a few and find it really odd playing games like ‘guess the size of the bump’ and get cakes with baby faces or whatever on. Or nappy cakes etc.

I get everyone wants to wish the family well etc but… before it’s arrived?! What’s wrong with waiting until it’s arrived and a little gift then?

it’s consumerism gone mad and another expected cost.

I would decline it, £80 all in. Pffffft.

After the birth the woman is busy looking after a small baby. Doing it before allows her to properly join in.

When I had my first in 2022 I invited people for an afternoon tea at a local place which I asked people to pay for (£12) but told them they didn’t need to bring a gift. I couldn’t afford to pay for everyone.
i suppose it depends on what you see baby showers for. For some I know it’s to set mum up with things for baby, but for me it was to get my favourite ladies together for an afternoon before my life was consumed with a small child 😂. No one seemed to have an issue with it!

I have no issues paying if it’s an afternoon tea/meal/something similar. Wouldn’t expect to pay if it was at someone’s house, but would absolutely expect to help with food!

If it’s not for you, don’t go.

Well yes I think it's normal if you are going to a hotel or restaurant.
I had a baby shower in a restaurant that friends insisted on throwing and we all paid for ourselves.

I’ve only paid for one baby shower and I didn’t mind. It was a lovely afternoon tea out. But I have had three myself and always just done tea and cake at my expense. i say to people no games, no eating out of a nappy. Just a last chance to see you all before the newborn period puts me at home with a baby on the boob for three months. Also my babies were all born in nov/dec. I truly did hibernate til the new year each time.
I also wasn’t fussed if people said no. Baby showers aren’t inherently bad. Any kind of excessive selfish consumption is. You can celebrate pretty much anything without it turning into a big expense with lurid grabbing

It depends, I’ve been to afternoon tea for a couple of close friends at a hotel and didn’t mind paying for that because they are close friends and it was a nice opportunity to see them (we are a group of uni friends who live 2 hours apart) so it was a get together that happened to be a baby shower.

If I didn’t know someone well enough to want to go for lunch just as a social occasion I wouldn’t be going to their baby shower but then I also didn’t have lots of friends.
I have a few close ones so anyone who’d invite me I’d probably want to go.

Wow, having a baby really has turned into a great deal of fuss and attention - gender reveals and baby showers!? Women just had a baby when I was born in the 70s - it was just something women did

I think whoever is organising it would pay. That might be a group of friends getting together to organise it, the mother or other family members. It feels like an odd event to organise for one’s self.

Each guest shouldn’t be asked to contribute though. Unless it’s a lunch thing and everyone just splits/pays the bill as you normally would.

Just read more and it’s at a hotel so lunch/afternoon tea. Yeah think it’s fine that everyone pays for themselves for something like this.

I always think in these scenarios, if you feel put out, or that you’re going out of obligation then don’t go, you obviously aren’t that close. Same with gift - I have zero hesitation about buying a friend a baby gift. What a joy in fact.

If you are close, I don’t see a problem with paying for your lunch to see your friend before her life changes with the baby.

I have been to a few afternoon tea ones where you paid for yourself but at those ones people didn't bring gifts. It was really a meal out with the expectant mother. The buffet ones that I've been to, people took gifts.