Who's wrong dd or dh?

[Autienotnaughtie]

We are going out for a meal today, me, dh, fil, mil and our 3 dc (one of whom is a adult)

Pil are coming to our town so we are organising, I tend to leave dh to make arrangements when it's stuff for his parents as otherwise I end up doing all organising.

Dh is a very last minute person, I use to end up stepping in if I thought something might not happen if I didn't. Now I just leave him to it.

On Friday adult dd asked dh if he had chosen/booked where we are eating. He hadn't. She wanted to know as she is following a healthy lifestyle/exercise plan and likes to plan her meals/macros/exercise accordingly. She has lost a lot of weight, is looking and feeling great and we are trying to support her in this.

She asked if he could choose so she could plan her meal. He said he wanted to ring his parents first. A bit later she asked if he had chance to ring his parents he said no. When I got in from work (about 10pm) she said in front of dh she had asked and he hadn't done it. Dh snapped at her and said he would ring tomorrow and would text her.

I spoke to her later and she was upset he had snapped and couldn't see what she had done wrong.

I spoke to dh (on Saturday after dd had left) and he said she shouldn't have to plan her meals in advance and we shouldn't be encouraging it. I replied it's nothing to do with us and we should be supportive of her trying to be healthier. He replied he shouldn't have to do things on others terms. I said I can't understand why he would deliberately put someone else out just to get his own way. He got annoyed.

Who was unreasonable dh or dd?

[Theoscargoesto]

No one is being considerate. On a separate note, that’s how my DD, who had an eating disorder, would have reacted. A fixation on food exercise etc and a need to know these things, plus a lack of flexibility.

[pictoosh]

Dh. She didn't ask much but he couldn't be arsed. Then he turned it into her failing to deflect from his.

[Autienotnaughtie]

@Theoscargoesto

No one is being considerate. On a separate note, that’s how my DD, who had an eating disorder, would have reacted. A fixation on food exercise etc and a need to know these things, plus a lack of flexibility.

Dd was overweight she is now following a strict plan in order to lose weight and be healthier. She works with a nutritionist. She wasn't bothered where we eat she just wanted to know which restaurant so she could plan her weekend.

[Autienotnaughtie]

@Theoscargoesto but thank you it's always good to be aware of these things.

[Goodadvice1980]

DH is being unreasonable, he doesn’t sound very nice!

[TheSnowyOwl]

I think both of them want this to be on their terms without any flexibility.

[Saymyname28]

I don't think she's wrong to want to plan her meals. I always do that, I believe in my case its part of OCD. I think your DH is being shitty by being disorganised and leaving everyone waiting to know what they're doing till the very last minute.

Did he get round to booking anything yesterday?

[Mummame2222]

this is all so petty!! DH is lazy. DD can’t exactly expect everyone else to enable her mindset. She could know on the day where she’s eating and plan for it, she doesn’t need to know days in advance.

[44PumpLane]

I feel like your DH is being unreasonable. Your daughter is trying to make healthier choices and part of that is preparing in advance so she can balance her day.

Given the meal is today (Sunday) and he still hadn't booked anything by late Friday night, did he even manage to get you all in somewhere?

[Lifebeganat50]

They’re equally unreasonable!

whilst your dd taking responsibility for herself and her weight management is great…to a point…this level of planning is bordering on obsessive…advance planning is good, but his could easily tip into disordered eating…she has to have a balance too

Dh was being a bit of an arse!

[amy85]

Both...dd needs to learn to relax slightly with her food. Not planning one meal out of her week won't harm her progress. And OH needs to get more organised

[HeddaGarbled]

Both of them. I’d stay out of it.

[Changingplace]

DH is being lazy and inconsiderate- plus if he’s not booked a table will you even get in wherever he decides he wants to go now?

[Businessflake]

Your DH is being unreasonable and presumably hoping you will organise things if he doesn’t bother?

He sounds lazy and annoying.

[JMSA]

Personally I would probably host a lunch if people were making the journey to my hometown.
But you're not, and I don't understand why making a restaurant reservation is such hard work

[Mumoftwo1312]

Today is the meal - Sunday - and he hadn't booked by Friday evening? A meal for 7?

Dh is bu. Your dd's diet is a red herring.

If he isn't booking till the same weekend as a meal for 7, he's not going to have a great choice of places... I'd be wanting to know where we were going in advance too.

[Loubelle70]

YANBU. Hes just angry because hes too lazy to book beforehand so took it out on daughter.

[Candleabra]

I think your daughter is being inflexible and worryingly fixated on food. That said, your DH should have booked somewhere, even if just for the fact that it’s a Sunday and likely to be busy to fit in a walk up for 7 people.

[AhBiscuits]

If she were my daughter I would be supporting her. Choosing a restaurant and booking a table is not a big ask is it? He's being an arse.

[pictoosh]

I'm 48 and lost a significant amount of weight a few years ago. I eat healthily as standard and always plan around social events. I don't have disordered eating. I eat really well and maintain a healthy weight without missing out on anything.

He's being a shit.

[walkerscrispsarethenuts]

He should have booked before now anyway for a relatively large group.

He should also be supporting her. My son Is vegan so we take this into consideration when booking somewhere. It's not difficult.

[lifebeginsaftercoffee]

I would be concerned if my child was that fixated on food that they were stressing about a meal at a restaurant three days in advance.

I don't think your DH is unreasonable in wanting to "go with the flow" a bit more.

[Coconutter24]

Did your DH phone his parents the next day and make plans?

[Benchfulldog]

Well, I’m not on a diet but like to have a look at the menu in advance if we’re eating out. Have a couple of options in my head. I think that’s pretty normal 🙃

[WillYouPutYourCoatOn]

It's really not that big a deal to spend a few minutes looking at a menu, and choose something aligned with your weight loss diet.

DD could have easily done this, at the restaurant, alongside everyone else reading the menu and choosing their food. Absolutely no need at all to have it all in advance.

It wouldn't have killed DH to move a little faster on this, but actually this is DD being precious.