Who's wrong dd or dh?

[Autienotnaughtie]

We are going out for a meal today, me, dh, fil, mil and our 3 dc (one of whom is a adult)

Pil are coming to our town so we are organising, I tend to leave dh to make arrangements when it's stuff for his parents as otherwise I end up doing all organising.

Dh is a very last minute person, I use to end up stepping in if I thought something might not happen if I didn't. Now I just leave him to it.

On Friday adult dd asked dh if he had chosen/booked where we are eating. He hadn't. She wanted to know as she is following a healthy lifestyle/exercise plan and likes to plan her meals/macros/exercise accordingly. She has lost a lot of weight, is looking and feeling great and we are trying to support her in this.

She asked if he could choose so she could plan her meal. He said he wanted to ring his parents first. A bit later she asked if he had chance to ring his parents he said no. When I got in from work (about 10pm) she said in front of dh she had asked and he hadn't done it. Dh snapped at her and said he would ring tomorrow and would text her.

I spoke to her later and she was upset he had snapped and couldn't see what she had done wrong.

I spoke to dh (on Saturday after dd had left) and he said she shouldn't have to plan her meals in advance and we shouldn't be encouraging it. I replied it's nothing to do with us and we should be supportive of her trying to be healthier. He replied he shouldn't have to do things on others terms. I said I can't understand why he would deliberately put someone else out just to get his own way. He got annoyed.

Who was unreasonable dh or dd?

DH is being unreasonable. Whether your DD wanted to plan her meal or not its a perfectly reasonable question for her to ask him. He shouldve sorted it earlier.

It's not really being fixated on food, to have a preference.

If he's not booking till last minute, so you end up having to go to Pizza Hut or something, I'd also want to scour the menu in advance for something I'd be willing to eat.

They're both being a bit silly, but it's all quite minor tbh!

There is something to be said for those who immediately and indiscriminately turn their failing into someone else's.
It's just such a nasty and selfish way to operate. Says far more about the person doing it than the one they're using to protect their ego.

Calculating macros especially when eating out isn’t always that easy.. it’s not like just looking at the calorie count.

DH was being u reasonable.
I don’t think DD is being obsessive at all. Very popular and mainstream weight loss programs like slimming world and WW can let you save up syns etc to use on weekend and she just wanted to know to balance her weekend. And it’s very easy to fall off the wagon if you don’t stick to the plan. Well done DD for losing weight it’s the hardest thing to do and maintain. How hard is it to just pick a restaurant.

Your dd is in the right, DH is being a lazy nob.

I low-carb and need to know what options there are in the restaurant so I totally understand where dd is coming from.

Agree, The girl was overweight and is working with a nutrionalist. So it likely was quite a lot overweight, I personally would never deem to come on and start telling someone they should ease up or they have an eating disorder. are unreasonable and can’t beleive some of these other responses,

of course her family should support her, weight loss is tough at the best of times. Her father had one simple task. He should have done it.

Yes he did it yesterday afternoon

I think it's ironic that DH claimed that DD can't expect everyone to do things on her terms (plan ahead) while he's forcing everyone to abide by his (being spontaneous).

I agree!

I agree with this. If your dd is that rigid in her food choices, maybe she should sit this one out.

This is just terrible . You think she should miss out rather than her parents do something small to support her in her weight loss journey?

Where I live for seven people at the weekend you have to book early or be in and out at weird times. I'd have booked last Monday.

Poor @Autienotnaughtie stuck in the middle. If they end up at home DH DD should Cook

Yes he did book . I'm not sure if he got his first choice tho! But he wouldn't admit it even if that was the case.

I think dd wanted to have a nice meal but wanted to know in advance how to manage this.

I agree so would I!

How is it being rigid wanting to know where they are going so she can plan?
being rigid is saying I’m not coming as I’m on a diet

Not necessarily.

I like to know what's coming up myself. If we're eating out it depends on the type of food we're going for. Most places will have a choice of dishes I will opt for but there are other variables...I might decide to blow out if it's food I really like. I will begin to plan my meals and runs (in my head) accordingly. It's no big deal...it's just habit now.
It's called striking a healthy balance. It's not always possible to know in advance and I don't panic if I don't.
In this instance dd has done nothing wrong - she asked and took her dad at his word. He snapped because he is bad tempered and selfish. He deflected fault back on to her because he snapped.
Would see her efforts maligned before taking accountability.
Arsehole.

Bit sexist. Why should DD cook? DH should cook, he’s the one who would have messed up.

I can't believe he left it to the last minute to book a table for 7. Just why? The best places and the biggest tables get booked up well in advance.

I get the impression your DH has firm for not doing stuff like this until the last minute and you used to step in and now you don’t and your children I assume know this and have missed out on stuff. Your DD asked something fairly reasonable 2 days before the event and that was his reaction

I have strict dietary requirements because of my vegetarianism. Sometimes you end up in a duff restaurant and just have to wing it with an odd mix of a side salad and a starter of olives when everyone else is tucking into full blown meaty scrumptiousness. But that’s about personal choices and how life goes sometimes. I’ve even known post surgery diabetics improvise and make swap requests to the wait staff.

Your DH may have taken his sweet time in booking but imo that’s his prerogative. I say your dd is unreasonable because she’s letting her new diet affect her relationships and her social life. She may be losing weight but this entitled obsessive attitude is not healthy or attractive.

I agree with PP that they were both unreasonable. Your DD doesn't need to know a menu days in advance in order to make a healthy choice/ plan exercise around it. One meal won't make or break a diet. It does sound a bit obsessive to me (and I like to know what I'm eating in advance as well).

Your husband is crap for agreeing to book and then just not bothering. If he has said he would, then he should, rather than just disagreeing with it but not letting her know. Also as PP said I'd imagine booking for a group the day before is not going to end up with you being able to eat anywhere nice

DD is not being obsessive and when I’m following a diet I like to know where I’m eating so I can look at the menu and plan accordingly. It’s not asking for much for him to book a restaurant 24hrs in advance

DD doesn't need to know the menu that far in advance, I think she is BU.