Who's wrong dd or dh?

[Autienotnaughtie]

We are going out for a meal today, me, dh, fil, mil and our 3 dc (one of whom is a adult)

Pil are coming to our town so we are organising, I tend to leave dh to make arrangements when it's stuff for his parents as otherwise I end up doing all organising.

Dh is a very last minute person, I use to end up stepping in if I thought something might not happen if I didn't. Now I just leave him to it.

On Friday adult dd asked dh if he had chosen/booked where we are eating. He hadn't. She wanted to know as she is following a healthy lifestyle/exercise plan and likes to plan her meals/macros/exercise accordingly. She has lost a lot of weight, is looking and feeling great and we are trying to support her in this.

She asked if he could choose so she could plan her meal. He said he wanted to ring his parents first. A bit later she asked if he had chance to ring his parents he said no. When I got in from work (about 10pm) she said in front of dh she had asked and he hadn't done it. Dh snapped at her and said he would ring tomorrow and would text her.

I spoke to her later and she was upset he had snapped and couldn't see what she had done wrong.

I spoke to dh (on Saturday after dd had left) and he said she shouldn't have to plan her meals in advance and we shouldn't be encouraging it. I replied it's nothing to do with us and we should be supportive of her trying to be healthier. He replied he shouldn't have to do things on others terms. I said I can't understand why he would deliberately put someone else out just to get his own way. He got annoyed.

Who was unreasonable dh or dd?

This is harsh next time do it yourself.

Yes just to say it was Friday tea time and we are eating lunch time today. So less than 48 hours

Husband is being a dick. Don't understand people saying DD is being precious. She's not asking weeks in advance!

I think DH is BU. As someone said upthread, the dietary planning is a red herring. Regardless of that, DH is a lazy sod who expects everyone to wait for his proclamation of venue, then he turns nasty at a perfectly reasonable question. Ideally I would want to know in advance, even just a few days, to nose at the menu, think about getting there and parking etc and to look forward to it (or not!). I suppose the get together is now somewhat spoiled

No don't do it OP. Youll be left with all the invisible labour and he can carry on being lazy..win for him. His parents..his job

We book last-minute meals/plans all the time. Sometimes in life, things are last minute, and I don't think he should have to do anything according to her demands. She'll learn you can't control everything in life over time. It does sound a little like an eating disorder. Unfortunately, I've had friends be the same in the past, and they were ED. Xx

Regardless of whether your DD wants to plan her meal, he should have booked with a couple days notice, just to ensure you get a table at a suitable time. Sundays can be busy for lunch, some places aren't open etc.
If I were you I'd just say a place you know you all like and book it myself. It takes seconds. I would have anxiety not knowing we had a table somewhere. Tell DH to keep his nose out of DDs diet or eating habits. Would he rather she was obese? He's being a bell end.

DD doesn’t need to be ‘attractive’ to her parents. All she wants is to know where they’re eating, she’s not demanding a particular restaurant or a particular cuisine so she’s not entitled at all.

Your post has a whiff of jealousy and misogyny because OP said dd looks and feels great. You need to look into your motivations.

All dd wants is to know where they’re eating, she’s not demanding a particular restaurant or a particular cuisine so she’s not entitled at all. It’s really not much to ask.

The posts attacking this young woman who is taking care of herself after struggling with her weight are vicious and misogynistic.

They’re both being annoying, just opposite ends of the spectrum since DD is being really rigid (how hard would it be to make a sensible choice on the day, really) and DH sounds lazy but is dressing it up as ‘spontaneous’ and will likely cause everyone to have to go to a worse restaurant because tables for 7 aren’t necessarily going to be available somewhere good as such short notice. Next time I would put DD in charge of choosing the restaurant. That way she can easily plan her diet and no one has to rely on DH to make arrangements.

He replied he shouldn't have to do things on others terms. I said I can't understand why he would deliberately put someone else out just to get his own way. He got annoyed.

You have a controlling dick of a husband. You have always had one but it's been a slow drip, drip, drip so you haven't noticed. He doesn't want to do things when others ask but he is more than happy to potentially screw up things for SIX other people. Open your eyes OP, he's a nasty man. Poor DD.

How is it being rigid to want to know where you’re eating?!

People saying she has ED because she wants to check the menu?!
This is nonsense. OP clearly stared she needed to lose weight and is doing so under a nutritionist.
I have ED and don't need to meal plan.
It's clear the man is being difficult, not the daughter.

If I do that I end up doing it every time with every event. I am not the organising fairy. I also work/have other responsibilities. It's very simple to book a restaurant.

Plus I got back at 10pm on Friday so bit late to start booking. At that point it was getting sorted Saturday regardless. But dh had finished at 1pm that day (or he could have done it in the couple of weeks previous)

I'd say DH is being lazy and a little annoying.
At the same time, I can see his frustration with DD's eating habits. It's wonderful that she's losing weight and feeling healthy but it does seem slightly obsessive - having to plan her meal in advance. No matter where you go I'm sure there's a healthy option she'll be able to have, even if she has to ask them to amend or omit something from the menu. I'd feel a little concerned if my DD was stressing about a meal more than 24 hours in advance.

Your DH is the 100% unreasonable one.

Your husband is the one being unreasonable by leaving it until the last minute, especially when he knows others would like to know the details sooner rather than later.

@Autienotnaughtie I totally get you. It was his responsibility and he shirked it, trying to diet shame your daughter in the process as some sort of excuse. I guess when it's something like that I'd just be horrified if the in-laws turned up and we had to traipse from place to place in search of a table!
Is it because he doesn't want to see his parents?
If not then I guess it's just indicative of his massively disorganised and awkward nature.

You see all the people determined to excuse your DH's uselessness at booking a simple meal@Autienotnaughtie ? Isn't it a wonder. Didnt take long for someone to suggest you should just do it did it? Good for you for leaving it to him and good for your DD for changing her mindset and looking after her health. You will have noted that posters do not like that either. An increasing amount of posters on this site are so misogynistic it makes my eyes water.

It is rigid isn’t it? To have to study the menu 2-3 days in advance then plan your other meals that weekend around it. How else would you define it? Good for her that she’s lost weight and embraced healthy eating but it certainly isn’t a flexible diet she’s on. Hence why I’d let her choose the restaurant next time, and I’m sure she’d do a better job than her Dad who sounds useless in this respect! But honestly I would find it a bit annoying if I had a family member or mate on such a rigid diet because I like doing a spontaneous meal out sometimes; just not when it’s a table for 7 for Sunday lunch as at least round here the good places get booked up weeks ahead!

How is it being rigid to want to know where you’re eating?!

There's a difference between wanting to know which restaurant and having to know which restaurant so you can study the menu and plan your entire weekend of food and exercise around it.

I like looking at menus in advance too, but not to the extent that not knowing would stress me out and ruin my entire weekend.

Being rigid in the context of this thread means imposing your requirements on others.

DD is not imposing her dietary needs on anyone.

Lots of people like to look at the menu a few days before the meal. It only seems to be an issue on this thread to diet shame OP and because she dares to look and feel great.

All he had to do was bloody pick the phone up!
I'm not on a diet but I always like to look at the menu before we go somewhere, just to get an idea of what I might like. Your DD is following a nutrition plan, so absolutely not being unreasonable! It's not like she was dictating where to go!
Your husband was a lazy arse!

I always view it as deliberate incompetence

I think she wanted to enjoy a treat meal but wanted to know how much of a treat it was going to be in advance. If it was just a case of her ordering a healthy option she wouldn't need to know in advance.