Locking doors at night

[SillyPanda]

I can’t believe I’m writing this but I’m at my wits end.

DP and I have an ongoing argument about whose responsibility it is to check all doors are locked at night.

My rule is that it should be the last person to bed.

His rule is it should be whoever used it last locks it at the time and therefore no pressure if someone (him) doesn't check at night.

I think my rule is ‘the best’ as it’s a safety issue and takes 2 mins to check.

I also co-sleep with DD and go to bed around 7.30pm with her. DP helps with this routine of settling her etc. and then heads out the front door for a cigarette. He mostly ensures this one locked afterwards but there have been occasions it’s latched (issue with door) so safe to say his attention to detail is low with this topic.

Most of the time I fall asleep with DD, sometimes I come back downstairs for a bit. DP is always with me then and we verbally agree who should check the doors if he decides to go to bed before me.

So many times I’ve gotten up in the morning (or middle of the night with DD) to find back doors unlocked. This always concerns me, and I mention it to DD he is always defensive about it or considers me to be stressing out to much and nothing has happened etc.

We also have 2 back doors with both handles that are a bit stiff, so easy to check and make a mistake - but my view is check properly and do the job correctly.

AIBU or not?

Whoever is last to bed/last to leave the house is the person that checks all doors and windows are locked in our household.

However, I personally also lock doors behind me if I've just used it however neither DH or the children do this, which is why we have the last to leave rule!

We usually go by the last one to bed is the one who checks. I can understand why you are angry the door was unlocked, I would be too!

His rule is it should be whoever used it last locks it at the time and therefore no pressure if someone (him) doesn't check at night

I agree with him, we lock the door behind us when we come in, I can't imagine coming in and leaving it unlocked.

How can you possibly know you are/will be last to use it?
Unless you keep them locked at all times....which isn't a bad habit to get into.

Last to bed/person leaving to go out checks the doors are locked. (This is usually my OH if we are both going at same time)
If they are already locked then great...the point is its a "check"

we verbally agree who should check the doors if he decides to go to bed before me.

So your "rule" isn't actually that the last person to bed locks the doors.

If I go to bed last, I check the doors. My husband never checks, rather ‘assumes’ 🤷‍♀️

Last person to come upstairs in our house. But in all fairness, we pass the door before we come upstairs so we both do it

It's both in our house. Lock the door behind you when you come in, and one of us checks on going bed.

We both check the front door on the way past.

Back door is whoever is out there last.

The last person who goes to bed should check doors and windows. However if I come into house after 9pm and I know nobody else is going out again I'll lock the front door. It really shouldn't be an argument and takes 1 minute to check.

I can't imagine leaving a door unlocked. You both need to get into the habit of locking it once you close it.

We have a Yale so only chub lock at night. Last person to bed here.

We had this back and forth bickering over who’s responsibility it was to check and then we got burgled because we didn’t lock the back door.

now we both check it before we go to bed. Even if that means one of us following the other round. It just makes it a joint responsibility. We also have a downstairs alarm set so if anyone opened the doors we’d know about it.

we don’t have the issue of nipping out for a fag though. When I go to bed even if he’s hours after me it’s very unlikely the door will be reopened .

I would blow my top at finding at door unlocked in the morning now. It was an awful experience.

Our back doors are always locked unless someone is in the garden or it's a hit day. In this case the key is left in the lock so it's easy to tell it's not locked. Otherwise the key is put away(somewhere easily accessible).
Our front door is automatically locked when shut due to the Yale lock. At night we put the safety chain on - again easily visible and checked by whoever is last upstairs. Even with young adults coming in at all hours, the front door is always secure when I come down the next day.

Thanks for the replies!

Just to add some clarification on all the doors.

3 doors:
1 front door - this is not the main issue here. He comes in and out of it a night time for cigarettes.

2 back doors - these are the issue. They are at the back of the house, we don’t pass them on the way upstairs and these are used for letting the dog in and out during the day and the evening.

I am pretty paranoid and have both locked 99% time whilst I’m in the house in the daytime.

The issue is that on the one time I forget he doesn’t seem to want to take any responsibility for checking it.

Therefore the rule of last to bed covers any gaps, but he doesn’t buy into it.

I also grew up in a house where doors were locked all the time. His experience was the opposite. I can’t help but think that is what is driving the problem here a bit as well.

Both. Get out of the notion of "my rule" vs "his rule". The aim here isn't to win but to protect your home, so it's everyone's responsibility to lock and to check.

Whoever closes the door locks it, in this house - I don’t want the door unlocked all day any more than I want it open all night.

I am pretty paranoid and have both locked 99% time whilst I’m in the house in the daytime.

That's not paranoid behavior that's completely sensible and should be the norm.

Surely if you're going up at 7.30 he's letting the dog out after that before going to bed each night and so should be locking the doors every evening?

@aodirjjd this is what I’m concerned will happen. And also what I think will be the only thing that changes his mind.

I also feel like a crazy person insisting they are checked at night.

Thought it might change when we had DD (nearly 4) but it didn’t really. He’s slightly more apologetic now instead of always defensive.

Also he switches up where he smokes in the winter vs summer. Now he’s going out the front door to his car as it’s winter, soon it will be warmer and he’ll go down the garden to smoke in the shed and will therefore leave the door unlocked whilst he’s out at night and probably forget to lock when he comes back in.

Doors being locked behind you is a fine rule but he doesn’t even do that.

Its ridiculous.

We just always lock the door behind us when we come inside, they are never left unlocked. Nobody checks they are all locked at bedtime.

Both! Lock door every time we go in/out and last person to bed checks doors and turns lights off.

Well another one here who goes by both approaches, i.e. keep them locked most of the time but still check last thing.

However if you are routinely going to bed at 7.30pm :o then that does rather leave the onus on him.

There is an absolute no brainer answer here....

You check them when you go up. They are locked at that point. Either rule would then apply, his rule last to use it locks it = him. Your rule last one up to bed checks it = him. Either way, you'd be doing your bit and he would be doing his.

Same in ours

If my OH kept doing that I'd hide his laptop and other expensive stuff, and open the door wide and then I'd go back to bed and let him get up first.

ETA: I lock the back door when I go to bed and then he checks when he walks past, and in the front, which is downstairs, the door is always locked unless it is open and then I know it is open due to the wind closing doors in the house.