Locking doors at night

[SillyPanda]

I can’t believe I’m writing this but I’m at my wits end.

DP and I have an ongoing argument about whose responsibility it is to check all doors are locked at night.

My rule is that it should be the last person to bed.

His rule is it should be whoever used it last locks it at the time and therefore no pressure if someone (him) doesn't check at night.

I think my rule is ‘the best’ as it’s a safety issue and takes 2 mins to check.

I also co-sleep with DD and go to bed around 7.30pm with her. DP helps with this routine of settling her etc. and then heads out the front door for a cigarette. He mostly ensures this one locked afterwards but there have been occasions it’s latched (issue with door) so safe to say his attention to detail is low with this topic.

Most of the time I fall asleep with DD, sometimes I come back downstairs for a bit. DP is always with me then and we verbally agree who should check the doors if he decides to go to bed before me.

So many times I’ve gotten up in the morning (or middle of the night with DD) to find back doors unlocked. This always concerns me, and I mention it to DD he is always defensive about it or considers me to be stressing out to much and nothing has happened etc.

We also have 2 back doors with both handles that are a bit stiff, so easy to check and make a mistake - but my view is check properly and do the job correctly.

AIBU or not?

I agree with DP—the reflex habit should be to lock behind yourself when you come in. I do live with kids and a DH, so I do wiggle the handle (not necessarily at bedtime) just to be sure, but I don’t always remember to check!

This was an ongoing issue in my house but front door being left unlocked, car not locked, keys left in the front door. It caused many arguments until i think one day i realised that my safety (emotional or physical) wasn't important to him. I always go to bed first (because i get up so early) and lock everything then but sometimes when he wakes me up getting into bed i go back downstairs to check everything. He complains that i don't trust him and he's 100% right.

I don't lock the door at night either, never have since DDs been school age and I'm happy she won't go outside at night. I have a fear of DD not being able to unlock it in a fire if DP and I are incapacitated. The lock is stiff and she can't turn the key. Even if it wasn't stiff I'd worry fear and dark and smoke would make it impossible for her to get out if it was locked. My bedroom is right next to the front door, we both genuinely wake up if the door opens.

OP I think the answer is you lock all doors when you go to bed, regardless of how early. If he then unlocks a door after that, he has to relock it. It's the only way you're going to have peace of mind.

I check, whether I'm first or last, husband checks whether he is first or last.

It's all of your job to ensure your home is safe, not on any one person.

It's always me who locks the doors. DH usually in bed before me and probably wouldn't be bothered anyway! To be fair, I've forgotten now and then too but we don't live in a high crime area and it seems unlikely that a burglar would climb over several gardens to get to ours. I'm more vigilant about locking up when DH is away working though

DP usually does ours but we go to bed at the same time so it's just habit. Though we have 2 front doors, one to porch that is left unlocked during the day and then the internal original door that has a latch so no one can enter the property. Surely whoever is last to bed is letting the dog out before you go to bed anyway so whoever does that should lock the back door? Seems like common sense unless you're not letting the poor dog out?

😁 I don't think the Queen would've thought that either .

He's an idiot who clearly couldn't care less about this.

Your house contents aren't insured if someone comes in via an unlocked door and steals your stuff.

I hear loads of people on my local NextDoor saying their home camera picked up someone snooping around their place at night and even trying their doors.

DH does it. We're in a routine and it works. He locks up, turns lights off etc while I get ready for bed.

Slightly off topic, but why does your husband go out of the front door to smoke? Won't that look a bad?

Why doesn't he go out of the back door and do it where no-one can see?

Only looks bad if you think that smoking is something you have to do under the cover of darkness? If you're not ashamed of it, you'll do it where you want, surely.

We always lock the door behind us whenever we come in and out the house. I wouldn’t be happy in my own home with a door unlocked. Im not paranoid but a burglar could try the door at any point in the day (we have open land behind us) and would rather not give them the satisfaction of finding an unlocked door.

So dont really need to do a final check as we always lock them when we are back in (but I do anyway just to be sure). I dont hold it against my DH that I always do a final check as I know he always locks them through the day. Your DH needs to learn to lock a door.

Brilliant idea. And yes, I always have that tummy flip moment half way to the airport.

Why would it matter if someone saw him?

I honestly thought that checking the doors are locked by the last person to go to bed was just a completely normal, standard thing that would never need to be discussed or argued over.

Apparently not.

On plus side, OP, I'm with you. The last person to go to bed locks up, shuts any windows that need shutting, turns off any relevant lights etc. In our house, it's also a final check to see if the dishwasher needs to be turned on but that is probably an "us" thing and not a universal thing.

I usually go up slightly before DH, if I lock the doors I tell him, if I haven't I tell him and ask him to.

In the past he has been known to leave the back door not just unlocked but wide open all night in the summer, so most of the time I do lock them.

@ZipZapZoom i find it weirder that people don’t know their doors and windows are already locked. You lock it as soon as you close it, then it’s always locked and you never need to worry.

The Queen??

He's being completely unreasonable, it takes 10 seconds just to check the door are locked before heading upstairs. We do both as well - lock doors behind us, and also do a check before bed and turn the porch light off.

we both check both doors before bed. i do it while brushing my teeth lol as i hate standing still while brushing (no idea why). that way if either of us is ill, forgets, away for the night etc we are BOTH in the habit of doing it every night

Because he opens it to go outside to smoke...

No he doesn't. Smoking is out of the front door which is not the issue.

In any case you seem to be missing my point in that post, which was that OP wants the "last one up" rule to apply, except when she is the last one up, in that case she wants a discussion about it.

Why is that weirder than not locking them at all?

The OP is locking the doors throughout the day and before going upstairs, how is she then supposed to know if it's unlocked or not once she's gone to bed?

the doors in my house are always locked

Whoever cares more and is more likely to actually lock or check the doors should do it.

There's too much at stake here to bicker about it.

Off topic, but you need to sort out your child's sleeping.