Locking doors at night

[SillyPanda]

I can’t believe I’m writing this but I’m at my wits end.

DP and I have an ongoing argument about whose responsibility it is to check all doors are locked at night.

My rule is that it should be the last person to bed.

His rule is it should be whoever used it last locks it at the time and therefore no pressure if someone (him) doesn't check at night.

I think my rule is ‘the best’ as it’s a safety issue and takes 2 mins to check.

I also co-sleep with DD and go to bed around 7.30pm with her. DP helps with this routine of settling her etc. and then heads out the front door for a cigarette. He mostly ensures this one locked afterwards but there have been occasions it’s latched (issue with door) so safe to say his attention to detail is low with this topic.

Most of the time I fall asleep with DD, sometimes I come back downstairs for a bit. DP is always with me then and we verbally agree who should check the doors if he decides to go to bed before me.

So many times I’ve gotten up in the morning (or middle of the night with DD) to find back doors unlocked. This always concerns me, and I mention it to DD he is always defensive about it or considers me to be stressing out to much and nothing has happened etc.

We also have 2 back doors with both handles that are a bit stiff, so easy to check and make a mistake - but my view is check properly and do the job correctly.

AIBU or not?

You need to install Yale locks so they automatically lock when closed, but an additional lock that should be checked by the last person to bed.

my partner is from rural Australia and therefore the concept of locking doors has been a long slow process, at least with a Yale you have some backup if the nightly locking ceremony does not occur

The problem isn't that you have two rules.

The problem is neither of you is following any of the rules.

Do both. If you use the door you lock it and then person last to bed checks it.

That way, you are sorted and it's not currently working at all.

I have a similar issue in my house as DP mostly doesn’t lock the front door. I always do when coming into the house straight away behind me even in the day, he doesn’t at all. He goes back and forth to smoke regularly so doesn’t see the point. I always lock and latch the door when I go to bed regardless if he’s still up. Seeing this, he does 97% lock the front door when he goes out just before bed if he’s up later than me.

My point is, I know it bugs me and it’s a safety issue for me. So I make sure I’ve locked them myself.

You need to be doing this too regardless if he goes out after. I’ve found it has built into a habit for DP to do it when he then goes out seeing it locked.

He needs to grow up. If he’s last to bed, he checks the doors, end of.

Does he not want to protect his family?

3 doors really doesn’t take much time. Whoever goes to bed last always checks our windows and doors are locked, it’s what normal adults do without needing a medal each time.

Maybe start a star chart for this little man.

Last to bed. 100%.
it’s too easy to nip pout to grab the laundry or put out rubbish, feed the cat etc to rely on the last one in rule. There was a case a couple of years ago when some horror of a man entered houses through unlocked doors at night to assault kids in their beds. I used to have family members who smoked and would forever be leaving the back door open. No way would I rely on last one in

We have exactly the same argument, this plus turning the heating down before coming to bed! So infuriating!

Your husband needs to give up smoking, then there’ll be no need to open the door again - problem solved! Plus there’ll be an extra few thousand in the family purse every year, and you could probably replace the door handles that are stiff.

Your rule is better once your 4 year old can open the backdoor. We had a rule of keeping everything locked up but now the kids open the backdoor all the time and leave it unlocked we have to check every night.

Last (adult) to bed does shutdown. As a single parent, that's obviously me, I do the little walk around the house, checking the patio doors if anyone's used them, the back door, the front door, turning out any lights left as I go.

This is normal.

It’s the man’s fault.

We always lock the doors after we've used it. However I check them before I head to bed, because my husband's of the mentality as yours. Once we had an unlocked door overnight, now I can't sleep unless I check them.

If you know he won’t check them, just lock up before you go to bed? He sounds like an idiot trying to make an excuse for forgetting to lock up, but for the sake of safety and peace of mind it’s not worth the battle is it?

Our front door is locked all the time, as soon as we come in it gets locked. But as I'm the last one to bed, I check it on the way past to make sure. I have the back door wedged open all day, so I'm the one who closes and locks that, although on a couple of occasions, I've found it unlocked on a morning when I've got up, if my husband has been out the back. Thankfully nobody can access the back of our house easily.
So I'd say last one around at night should lock up!

I put YABU because unless you have a concrete system you should both be checking them. Having said this, I personally assume doors get locked behind you and forget my husband neither does this nor checks them when he comes up to bed as the last one up 🙄

Surely that would be a job for security?

But he neither locks it after him or checks if he's last to bed - so his argument is pointless!

We go with last to bed locks up. It's the only way to be sure everything is locked.

Most peoples idea of security is pretty woeful. They neglect the obvious and lack the ability to think like thieves.

A lot of people also believe that if people want to break in they will and there is nothing they can do about it. This is true. If someone wants to get into your house they will no matter how hard you try to secure it.

OTOH most thieves want to be able to get in quickly and make off quickly with small items which are valuable stuff (hint keeping all your jewellery in the jewellery box on the bedside table is a really bad idea). The last thing they want to do is encounter people, because the penalty vs. the gain simply doesn't stack up.

Thieves go for easy targets and if your house looks secure then they will pass it up in favour of one that looks easier. In short, you make yourself a victim. Thieves are far more likely to rob houses with poor security. And that is great news for anyone who makes the effort to make their house reasonably secure.

Even the back door?

This wouldn't work in our house. People are coming in and out without keys all the time and we have pets which come in and out all day. I'd be up and down like a blue arsed fly!

You co-sleep with a four year old? You go to bed at 7.30pm? There are much worse things going on in this marriage than who locks the doors at night.

I'm just amazed people don't have their front doors locked all the time . The UK must be a sneak thief paradise in the summer .

To those not locking doors when inside, remember it invalidates your home insurance should you be burgled. You’d be far better leaving keys in the door or on a Command hook near the door if you’re worried about fire.

EVERYONE should be locking the door behind them so it becomes habit and the last person to bed should be checking as well.

Do not leave your keys on a hook by the door!

It’s far better than leaving it completely unlocked! Lesser of two evils.

I don’t have anyone to argue with about it, but it would be last person to bed who checks - makes sense to me. But I very rarely lock my back door, it’s nearly always unlocked, unless I’m going away. If my daughter is staying over she always locks it, then in the morning I’m always surprised when I go to open it to let the cat out.

There is access through my back gate, but you wouldn’t know that unless you live in one of the other houses that share the hidden alleyway, so I’ve never even considered that anyone would try and get in. And anyway it’s so overlooked by nosy neighbours that anyone looking out of place is immediately filmed and posted on the local Facebook group - this also applies to suspicious looking cats, dogs and pigeons 😁

My front door has a Yale lock so it locks itself, I would make sure that was locked otherwise though, but mostly so my friend who lives round the corner can’t just walk in unannounced!

Hopefully nobody on MN knows where I live 😁 but I can’t remember the last time we had any crime here, maybe because it’s neither a naice area or a rough one 🤷🏻