Locking doors at night

[SillyPanda]

I can’t believe I’m writing this but I’m at my wits end.

DP and I have an ongoing argument about whose responsibility it is to check all doors are locked at night.

My rule is that it should be the last person to bed.

His rule is it should be whoever used it last locks it at the time and therefore no pressure if someone (him) doesn't check at night.

I think my rule is ‘the best’ as it’s a safety issue and takes 2 mins to check.

I also co-sleep with DD and go to bed around 7.30pm with her. DP helps with this routine of settling her etc. and then heads out the front door for a cigarette. He mostly ensures this one locked afterwards but there have been occasions it’s latched (issue with door) so safe to say his attention to detail is low with this topic.

Most of the time I fall asleep with DD, sometimes I come back downstairs for a bit. DP is always with me then and we verbally agree who should check the doors if he decides to go to bed before me.

So many times I’ve gotten up in the morning (or middle of the night with DD) to find back doors unlocked. This always concerns me, and I mention it to DD he is always defensive about it or considers me to be stressing out to much and nothing has happened etc.

We also have 2 back doors with both handles that are a bit stiff, so easy to check and make a mistake - but my view is check properly and do the job correctly.

AIBU or not?

Mine are nearly always locked at the front because I leave the keys in the door and it would be a pain if someone opened the door and swiped them, like a delivery driver or someone.

I often leave the back doors open in summer though.

It's funny because last time there was a thread on here about stuff like this there were loads of people claiming they never lock their doors.

Maybe they have all had their PCs/mobiles nicked ...

If I close an outside door, I lock it at the same time. I don't see any point in leaving it unlocked.

My husband likes to leave doors unlocked in case he "needs to go out again" (because it's an enormous effort to turn a key in a lock, of course 🙄). He argues that it is better to lock up when we go out/to bed. That would be fine if he always remembered. Unfortunately...

The only time I've ever been burgled, both the front and back doors were locked, and windows were either locked or inaccessible.

A locked window is no match for a crowbar, it turns out.

The last one who uses it locks it. If this is adhered to, why does it need an extra check before bed?

I'm sorry that it's happened to you and of course if someone wants to get in they still could but that doesn't mean people shouldn't still take precautions and lock their doors and windows in an effort to try and prevent such things happening. Not doing so because if people want to get in they still could is an odd sort of logic.

Oh no be been here…. I gave up and whilst he was in a boys holiday brought home a Staffordshire bull terrier pup on his return he demanded to know why it was there I quietly replied it was the failed door security back up 🤣🤣

Just lock the door when you go to bed. If your husband goes out, he can lock it when he comes back in. That way you’re both following your own rule and it won’t get forgotten.

A discussion probably to ask him to check as he never ever does

I never lock the doors when I go to bed, although the front door has a lock that locks when you shut it anyway (it can be double locked, but I've never bothered). I never lock the back door unless I'm going out.

I have a bit of a thing about not being able to get out of the house easily, and I actually feel uncomfortable about the idea of needing to find keys if I needed to get out in an emergency. When I stay in friends' houses, I have to make sure I know exactly where to find the keys if I need to get out. I live in a very low crime area, and every other house seems to have a dog that will bark at the slightest thing, so people getting in is not a concern.

I have no idea why I find the idea of being locked in so unpleasant (to the point where I feel uncomfortable just typing this!), but I had a series of recurring dreams about being stuck in a burning building when I was in my early teens.

Honestly @Sailawaygirl my DH just cleans his teeth maybe has a wee then he's in bed reading within 5 minutes. I seem to have endless chores to do on my way to bed plus I shower then too. It takes me ages til I'm in bed reading. I also check all the doors & windows & check gas oven turned off etc. It doesn't help we have cats & foster cats so litter trays need a final check & dried food gets a quick top up.

Last person to bed in our House!

Oh my god this is so dangerous.
Last year there was a story in the paper where a man used a ladder to get in an open bedroom window and sexually assaulted the child at your house they could just come through the door it's not happened to you but it could

I've said YANBU because your method is more solid (his can go wrong if one person runs out for emergency milk or bread in the evening and forgets to relock the door, for example), but technically both are fine. This sounds less about the locks and more about perceived unfair distribution of a chore he finds crappy and doesn't wanna do. I'd suggest having a conversation around that.

Start keeping the doors locked, so when dd is old enough she does accidentally let herself out unsupervised.

My In Laws were relaxed about it until a burglar came to their very quiet village and tried their door. Not a place you would ever expect burglaries. They managed to get MIL’s bag and other things, but thankfully they didn’t go upstairs (where they were asleep). I watch them always lock the doors now and I can see how they are more cautious. Burglaries can happen anywhere, please dont put yourself at risk.

I have window keys in every room (in a place I can easily grab) so I can always get out plus it wouldn’t be hard to break a window with a heavy object. If you’ve got smoke alarms all through the house too, i’d be much more worried about leaving a door unlocked.

And so what if you do wake up? I woke up they still stole my laptop and could have stolen keys if they hadn’t decided to come check the bedroom. If he had wanted to attack us he would have had a good head start. You are much more likely to be burglaed than to have a fire.

keep your daughter safe and get a new non-stiff lock.

Whoever is last to bed locks up but when everyone is in for the night and after every cigarette outside or whatever they should all be locked anyway. One night my back door was left unlocked after my father in law had been outside for a cigarette and forgot to lock it. We had our garage broken into that night and it still gives me the shivers thinking if they'd tried the door to the house they would have just probably wandered in. Maybe they did try but changed their minds? I try not to think of it to much. Just lock yours doors all the time please and definitely whoever is last up must check again.

And for those worrying about not being able to get out keep keys within reach of children so they can get out in case of emergency and make sure you've shown them and seen that they know how to lock and unlock! And if you've got a stiff lock but a new safe one! 🙄

Sadly your DP will only learn when he loses something of value due to this behaviour. It sounds like an unnecessarily dangerous situation.

We do a double check. I check they’re locked before I go to bed. It’s a routine every night. Check the car’s locked, front door, let the dog out, then lock the back door before I head up to bed. My husband does the same routine before he comes to bed so nothing is missed. The main reason we do this is that he often falls asleep on the sofa so it’s piece of mind that if he does, the doors have already been checked and locked.
we have an 18 month old daughter. I couldn’t sleep not knowing the doors were locked

It's not paranoid to lock during the day , thief's do day shift as well as nights.

I don't lock doors if I'm inside the house. I consider it a fire risk even if they keys are nearby.

Why do you consider it a fire risk but not a burglary risk? An opportunistic thief taking advantage of unlocked doors even in the daytime is much more likely than a fire?

Hadn’t locked our doors in years, but recently having decided to start, I check them before I go to bed, and anyone who uses one after that just locks that one behind them.
Tbh, if he’s not that bothered whether they’re locked, and you are, then I think the onus is on you to check.

I suppose it depends where you live how much of an issue it is. It’s usually last one upstairs in our house, but if you are concerned, check them on your way up. If he opens the door after you have gone to bed and doesn’t lock it then I would be annoyed. Strangely, my DH grew up in a rougher area and his parents always the door behind them, but since he has lived here he’s become very lax about door locking, even leaves cars unlocked overnight. 🙄