Locking doors at night

[SillyPanda]

I can’t believe I’m writing this but I’m at my wits end.

DP and I have an ongoing argument about whose responsibility it is to check all doors are locked at night.

My rule is that it should be the last person to bed.

His rule is it should be whoever used it last locks it at the time and therefore no pressure if someone (him) doesn't check at night.

I think my rule is ‘the best’ as it’s a safety issue and takes 2 mins to check.

I also co-sleep with DD and go to bed around 7.30pm with her. DP helps with this routine of settling her etc. and then heads out the front door for a cigarette. He mostly ensures this one locked afterwards but there have been occasions it’s latched (issue with door) so safe to say his attention to detail is low with this topic.

Most of the time I fall asleep with DD, sometimes I come back downstairs for a bit. DP is always with me then and we verbally agree who should check the doors if he decides to go to bed before me.

So many times I’ve gotten up in the morning (or middle of the night with DD) to find back doors unlocked. This always concerns me, and I mention it to DD he is always defensive about it or considers me to be stressing out to much and nothing has happened etc.

We also have 2 back doors with both handles that are a bit stiff, so easy to check and make a mistake - but my view is check properly and do the job correctly.

AIBU or not?

This is a weird argument. Why wouldn't you lock them and make it harder for someone to get in and take all your stuff?

Many opportunistic thiefs won't smash a window to get stuff but would gladly take it if it was made as simplistic as walking in through an unlocked door.

I always lock it when I come in, partly for safety, partly because delivery people would occasionally open the door to put parcels in the hall and I felt very uncomfortable about the intrusion!

DH usually forgets to lock it when he comes in, but we both check when we go to bed. No reason you can't both check it as it doesn't take a second?

Windows and doors should be locked by whoever opens them. I check the back and front door before I go to bed because your husband goes out for a smoke in the night he should check. As he's unreliable it might be worth changing the door locks so the latch on closing although it's still not as secure as locking it properly.

Ultimately, he needs to realise your insurance is invalid if the windows and doors are unlocked. Also he's making you all vulnerable .

My friend woke up to a noise and found a random rummaging through her draws. She had left a window open. It scared her and him shitless. He ran but it could have just as easily been a very different story.

Our front door is rarely locked. During the day, if the weather is nice all the doors are unlocked. We live in a very quiet village, but even when I lived in Manchester, I forgot all the time. I think it is a legacy of growing up with doors always open.

We always lock the front/back door when we come through it. Massively reduces the risk of it being forgotten about. We so rarely use our back doors though because our decking is falling apart and we haven’t got round to fixing it yet.

The front door gets a quick check as I go past and remember. I also press the lock buttons on our cars as they’re more likely to be left accidentally unlocked from experience. DH does the same. Everyone having responsibility for checking and the firm expectation that the door is locked after every use means it’s never left unlocked.

YABU to go to bed at 7.30... kids are perfectly capable of sleeping alone.

My doors are always locked, just habit. Surely last one going to bed should do a check around .

Partner and I used to bicker over this. It didn’t bother him as much as it bothered me. I just check all the doors/windows before bed now and I feel at ease. It’s just part of my bedtime routine.

In our house DH always locks both back and front doors. I make sure cats are inside before he locks up.

We keep all doors locked at all times, that way we don't have this issue. As soon as you enter the house lock it behind you, problem solved?

This.

either lock the door everytime you use it.
or the last one to go to bed needs to lock it/check it’s actually locked!

Why not lock the door every time you come in, then you won't need to bicker about it.

I agree last person to bed checks them, especially if one routinely opens door after the other has gone to bed.

I’ve never met a man who’s very bothered about door locking and I’ve known some who will quite happily sleep with unlocked doors. They think they’ll either wake up if a burglar comes (despite being able to sleep through a hurricane) or they’ll be able to take a burglar on 🙄 and they don’t have to worry about stalkers/rapists/murderers as much as women. What a life!!

Not even if they are the last employee to leave??

We do to but we currently don’t have a garden. Sounds to me as if the back door (to the garden?) is the main issue here.

It’s less common to lock doors facing the garden (or large verandas) all the time IME. Although it really is better from a safety perspective…

I check / lock all the doors when I go to bed, even if I am not the last person. Sometimes a door will be opened by my son (27) or wife, for our two very large dogs to do their thing, but they know which has been opened and therefore will always lock up after the dogs have returned. Each family unit to their own routine.

Last to leave last to bed

Of course they can but why not at least try to make it a little harder?

Also, insurers offer lower premiums for having window locks, car garaged etc. If you're not actually locking anything though they may deny a claim.

Next time he goes out for a late night cigarette lock him out and say you thought he was inside

My husband usually goes to bed a couple of hours before me, and he always checks that the back door is locked and double locks the front door when he goes up. But I can't imagine ever leaving the back door unlocked if we're not in the garden.

Last person upstairs checks the outer doors on the ground floor then closes all the internal doors on the ground floor. round our way, there are opportunists who go from house to house, on new build estates, trying the front doors so we make sure we check the doors.

I really really don't get this , whenever people come in the door it gets locked behind them , surely ? It's like surely when you go out the door you don't just totter off leaving the door unlocked , do you ?
Two adults in the house and you are both coming and going without ensuring the doors are always locked .🙄

We don't check at night, because all exterior doors are kept locked all the time.

I'd feel vulnerable if a person could just walk into my home.

I think it's both. If you are a household who locks doors, generally it makes sense that everyone who comes inside should lock the door behind them. But then whoever is last to go to bed should also go around and double check that all doors are locked.

We don't lock doors. We live in the middle of nowhere and have never locked doors, sometimes not even when we go out. But I never lock them at night unless dh is away (creeps me out then! it's dark and empty out there as nearest neighbour is about a mile away). But I'd compare it to turning off the lights. Everyone should as good practice turn out the lights every time they leave a room, but whoever is last to bed should also check that all lights are turned off before heading up to bed.

I lock the doors when I go to bed as my DH is forgetful but I also ask him to do it too, he puts the dog out later.

What more can you do?