Locking doors at night

[SillyPanda]

I can’t believe I’m writing this but I’m at my wits end.

DP and I have an ongoing argument about whose responsibility it is to check all doors are locked at night.

My rule is that it should be the last person to bed.

His rule is it should be whoever used it last locks it at the time and therefore no pressure if someone (him) doesn't check at night.

I think my rule is ‘the best’ as it’s a safety issue and takes 2 mins to check.

I also co-sleep with DD and go to bed around 7.30pm with her. DP helps with this routine of settling her etc. and then heads out the front door for a cigarette. He mostly ensures this one locked afterwards but there have been occasions it’s latched (issue with door) so safe to say his attention to detail is low with this topic.

Most of the time I fall asleep with DD, sometimes I come back downstairs for a bit. DP is always with me then and we verbally agree who should check the doors if he decides to go to bed before me.

So many times I’ve gotten up in the morning (or middle of the night with DD) to find back doors unlocked. This always concerns me, and I mention it to DD he is always defensive about it or considers me to be stressing out to much and nothing has happened etc.

We also have 2 back doors with both handles that are a bit stiff, so easy to check and make a mistake - but my view is check properly and do the job correctly.

AIBU or not?

It's just plain stupid. Don't do it.

I easily got back into my own house by hooking the keys off the bench in the hall where I'd put them to put my coat on before absentmindedly leaving without them.

"don't do this stupid thing, do this other stupid thing instead" is never good advice.

My rule is lock the door behind you.
We have six external doors plus the garage (which we go in and out of to leave and enter the house)
I categorically don't have time to check all doors when leaving the house so can only work on the assumption they are all locked and therefore same goes for night time ...

They don’t need to be right next to the door, just somewhere easily accessible. And it’s only a door with a letterbox or by an open window someone nefarious is going to grab your keys. It really isn’t stupid to leave a key near a door provided it can’t be reached from outside.

External doors should always be locked when not being used as an access point. Lots of opportunist thieves get lucky by finding an unlocked door at all hours of the day. They don't wait until night before trying to enter your home, they will do it whenever they have the chance. Plus you get the idiots who think it's funny to just walk into your home and stream your reaction to their followers.

A locked door won't deter everybody who means you harm, but it will put off some of them.

My back door is open for about 4 months of the year. Open, open, not just unlocked.

My front door is unlocked when we're in because people come and go without keys. I'm disabled. I'm not getting up answering the door everytime my dc comes back inside from being out.

Our house rule is that all doors are kept locked all the time. That way there's no issue about checking them at night, etc. It's just a good habit to get into. Not locking the door behind you when you come in is pretty lazy really, especially if you've come home from, say, work, and needed to use your key to unlock the door to come in, it's in your hand, so you lock it when you're in. Same with going into the garden, unlock the door, go outside, come back in and lock it. What's the issue??

Front door - we both tend to check it on the way past on our way up to bed. It's only a thumb turn thing anyway.

Back door, the rule is that unless it's actually open and letting air or cats in, then it's locked. There's none of this "shut but not locked" nonsense. The French doors have a patlock on them, so again, when the doors are shut, that is on.

My rule has always been lock any door that's shut. DH used to play fast and loose and would just check a door when he went out. He wasn't used to a back door though, so my rule became house wide the Saturday that he went to take the bins out and said "oh, have you been out this morning? the door's unlocked", to which I replied "no, I've not used the back door since last weekend" and he said "neither have I", then we realised the back door had been unlocked for a whole week! Thank heavens we live in a nice area!

It's not lazy if you don't want the door locked

We always do last to bed. Always lock the doors at night and keys put away.

Is the issue that he doesn't lock the doors at all?

If so then I'd lock all the doors before I went to bed and take the keys with me. Of course, this is unreasonable but no more than never locking the doors. You will have a row over this but there's one already brewing and he needs to accept that you're not his mum.

My hubbie checks every door before he goes to bed … it’s been our routine for 20 years as he doesn’t trust me 🤣

I nearly always go to bed before my husband and I struggle to lock our conservatory doors so he always checks it's all locked up before he comes to bed, sometimes I lock the front door on my way past though to save him time later. So our rule is last to bed really, but husband has a terrible habit of falling asleep on the sofa and coming to bed at like 3am but he does lock up before this as he knows I get paranoid, especially in summer when we have the patio doors open most days/evenings.

Whoever's last in from work. If my partner is early shift, I lock it when I get home from work around 4.30pm, as he's already home. If he's back shift, he locks it when he gets home around 10.30pm.
If we go out in the evening or whatever, it just gets locked as soon as we come back in.

I'm a single parent so I am responsible for security. Why are you in bed by 730 that up the weirdest thing about your post. Do you not have a life ???

No security at my work, and lots of workplaces I would think. It's not that hard to just lock a door if you're the last to leave.

Our doors are locked all the time except when someone is coming in or going out. I don't think either of us has ever checked them before going to bed. Maybe you need to get one of those doors that automatically locks when closed.

This is classic ADHD behaviour from your husband.

I’d be more concerned about the toxins left in the car when your kids get in the next morning

I never lock the door if im in, i dont think we ever lock the door for bed. Just last out for work in the day 😂

My front door you can’t open from the outside without a key, but dh takes the dog for a late night walk and then it is locked. Always checked though before bed anyway. One back door is permanently locked as we only use it in the summer, the other back door is locked as it can be open from the outside and our garden backs into an alleyway. All double checked before bed.

For me, it's the last person to use the door who should lock it and keep the doors locked unless you're using them.

If that isn't happening, then in theory the person going to bed should check.

But if your DP tends to lock the door after use (which it sounds like they might be given what they've said), and you don't (which again sounds like you might be), then you're causing the problem. If they know they've locked the doors the last time they used them, then they might not see a reason to check, because they didn't leave the doors unlocked.

Personally, I don't need to check if my doors are locked because I know they're locked, because I lock them when I get into the house and they remain locked until I go back out of them again. If it involved me checking before bed, I'm sure I'd get a routine doing that, but sometimes I might forget because I know I locked them.

I never lock the door behind me. It's only locked when everyone is out and everyone has gone to bed.

Is it though? Really? Does everything and everyone need a label.

Last to bed

Of course YANBU. You could easily lock them when you go to settle DC but he is then going to unlock them for a cigarette ! If you don’t smoke so it’s only him going out then it should always be his job . I’m the same - I don’t smoke , DH does … I always double check anyway but I would see it as his job if he’s been out. Luckily we don’t have this issue , he always locks doors .

it’s really important ! Imagine someone got in and burgled you - I’m not certain but surely if doors were unlocked so not sign of forced entry then any insurance would be void ?