Locking doors at night

[SillyPanda]

I can’t believe I’m writing this but I’m at my wits end.

DP and I have an ongoing argument about whose responsibility it is to check all doors are locked at night.

My rule is that it should be the last person to bed.

His rule is it should be whoever used it last locks it at the time and therefore no pressure if someone (him) doesn't check at night.

I think my rule is ‘the best’ as it’s a safety issue and takes 2 mins to check.

I also co-sleep with DD and go to bed around 7.30pm with her. DP helps with this routine of settling her etc. and then heads out the front door for a cigarette. He mostly ensures this one locked afterwards but there have been occasions it’s latched (issue with door) so safe to say his attention to detail is low with this topic.

Most of the time I fall asleep with DD, sometimes I come back downstairs for a bit. DP is always with me then and we verbally agree who should check the doors if he decides to go to bed before me.

So many times I’ve gotten up in the morning (or middle of the night with DD) to find back doors unlocked. This always concerns me, and I mention it to DD he is always defensive about it or considers me to be stressing out to much and nothing has happened etc.

We also have 2 back doors with both handles that are a bit stiff, so easy to check and make a mistake - but my view is check properly and do the job correctly.

AIBU or not?

Front door would be checked by last to go to bed if all the adults are in. No rule in place it is just a common sense habit.What usually happens is that whoever lets the dog out last thing will lock the door when she comes in.
Back door is not used much in the evening and gets locked by anyone who happens to go to the bins. It occasionally gets forgotten but has a Yale lock anyway so is fairly secure.

His rule is it should be whoever used it last locks it at the time and therefore no pressure if someone (him) doesn't check at night.

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As a pp said how do you know you are the last to use it? So every try me locks up every time. Which takes literally 3 seconds to do. Then last to bed checks it. Easy and everyone can relax knowing the house is secure.

He's being a bit unreasonable

My advice would be make a big song and dance of checking the doors before you head up (this is actually what my partner and I do so we know the other ones checked). Then come down on him like a tonne of bricks if it’s not locked in the morning because you know it’s him not you.

It’s been a few years since I woke up to a stranger in my bedroom so I’ve mellowed a bit about it but when it was fresher if it happened again and it was him being sloppy with the locks I’d leave. If it was regular now I’d probably still leave.

I can't believe you go to bed at 7.30..... that aside, it's last one up here. Having said that, I don't trust DH, and will often get up to check, especially in the summer when all the doors and windows are open all day. I also check the gas rings and the garage to make sure the fridges are closed. I also often return to the house after getting in the car to recheck windows and doors. Getting me to leave the house for a holiday is a nightmare 😂

Both. you lock a door after you go through it then they all get checked before you go to bed.

Whoever uses it last should lock it but the last person to go to bed should check it...

The front door locks behind itself so no probs here.

OP, H does need to remember to lock.

@aodirjjd that sounds scary!! What did they want?

For holidays, get everyone out the house and in the car then go round making a little video for yourself checking everything is turned off. Then when your on the motorway thinking shit did I shut that window you’ve got it on your phone. Alternatively you can take photos if that’s quicker but it does same thing!

Our front door locks itself. I’m usually up in the night and check the door then.

I’m not sure. They nicked a laptop but they walked straight past my handbag /car keys /wallet which were casually on the sofa and walked to our bedroom at which point we woke up and after some shouting they left (walked didn’t run though!).

Honestly I think they might have wrongly concluded I lived alone which was a horrible thought. Or maybe they presumed the house was empty and were coming to look for jewellery.

To be honest I think you just don’t want to take any responsibility for locking the door for some reason. You say the last one up when it is clear that most of the time this won’t be you as you usually go to bed at 7:30pm. And then on the rare occasions he does go up before you, your “last one up” rule doesn’t apply any more as you have to have a discussion about it to agree who will lock up.

If you are this bothered about it, I don’t know why you don’t lock up after yourself when you use the door.

We have a joke in our house that my husband is "in charge of security" he checks before we go out and before we go to bed. (Tend to go up together)

If I say I've done it he still checks.

I'm surprised doors aren't locked all the time with small children in the house. I know several people whose little ones have opened the front door and wandered off by themselves.

Both of you should be checking.

My parents' house was broken into while they were both asleep upstairs. They both forgot to check the door when they went up to bed and they stole a handbag, purse, car keys and the car. My dad also found his laptop by the door and reckons he disturbed them when he got up for the toilet and they scarpered.

My point is - don't make it some silly rule that person X has to check - because if something happens, it will impact both of you.

Of course YANBU OP. Last adult to bed should be doing a final check that everything is locked.

@aodirjjd ah, theft; still very unnerving!

@SillyPanda probably best to just lock it when you go up, you seem to have very different bedtimes so it might remind him to relock it afterwards if he goes out.

Still can't believe that man managed to get into the Queen's bedroom at BP, you would have thought security was second to none.

He is a lazy fucker but.....you go to bed at 7.30? Really? Could he be holding onto some resentment about this and punishing you by forgetting to lock the doors. I would be so pissed off if my DP went to bed at 7.30.

Would he forget to lock up his workplace?? It's laziness and also probably being petulant because he's been called out.

Have same issue with DH he never locks the door. ( used to live in middle of nowhere as a kid)
He never thinks to check back door but I'm the one that uses that most and I often come back to find a window wide open in summer!!

However since having a baby I have managed to train him a bit , when holding sleeping baby I nodd to keys and say ' darling I can't lock door baby is asleep can you' and then I ask him to check back door and windows. Baby is 5 months and DH he locks the front door 9/10 times now without me asking.

It used to annoy me that DH goes straight to bed after brushing teeth and I was left to potter about checking doors, doing a quacking tidy after dinner ect getting work bag ready.

I would imagine the majority of people don’t lock up their workplace to be honest. I don’t really see why he is any more lazy than OP.

This. Whoever is last downstairs checks the door is locked but even if I’m not last to bed I check as part of my own winding down

Both. Can’t imagine leaving the door unlocked, far too many opportunists around.

Just have the default be that the door is locked. It’s only unlocked when someone needs to open it. Not that hard is it.

Ugh, I empathise; my DH is the same. He rarely locks the door, nor turns out lights properly, if he’s the last to go to bed. I go to bed at a normal time btw (11:30pm or so) so the 7:30pm bedtime of OP isn’t the problem here!

I tried to make it clear that, for DD and I, getting our stuff stolen isn’t the worst thing that could happen to us if a nefarious person broke in… I tried asking him how he would feel if something bad happened because he’d left the door unlocked and pointed out that we’ve had a number of attempted break-ins before, so it’s not just a theoretical risk. Sometimes this line of argument seems to work for a week or two, but then he reverts back to old forgetful ways.

I feel like locking up and checking the house is safe and secure is a normal thing for adults to do and it’s annoying to feel that I’m the only adult in the house who takes responsibility for this.

I’ve largely given up now and instead am training the kids to ‘do the rounds’ instead as I’ve got a teenager who is more of a nightowl than I am. They are much better at it than DH and the teen even (usually!) remembers to pop on the dishwasher before he comes up!

I can’t say I’ve ever checked the doors before I go to bed! and Certainly not windows, why do they need to be locked? If someone wants to get in a window they’ll smash it