My DH has changed my baby’s name….

[Lilysienna1]

… or at least, he’s TOLD everyone a different name. I’m pretty sure I am not being unreasonable. This is more of what would be a reasonable response. Because right now I’m ready to LTB.

I have recently given birth to our 3rd and final baby. I had a difficult birth, and have just got home from hospital after a 10 day stay.
As we did with previous births, we’ve not allowed any visitors and as I’ve been so unwell, I’ve actually only bothered with my
phone to snap a few photos, in between sleeping and feeding etc. Not announced the birth on social media, and only spoke with my mum and sisters.

I arrive home today and started opening cards and presents that family and friends (from DH side) have dropped round. All with congratulations on the birth of ‘Georgina.’

This would be lovely, if her name was Georgina. However, it isn’t or at least it wasn’t. We had agreed on Emmeline. Georgina was a top contender, but I just didn’t love it as much as Emmeline. DH had not expressed how much he loved the name Georgina - he was very much ‘I like all the names on the shortlist. You can choose.’ Which I did. Emmeline.

so of course, I confront him on it. We didn’t share any names with friends and family, so I knew they hadn’t just taken a wild guess. He looked a bit sheepish and said ‘I was going to tell you. I just don’t think I can imagine calling her Emmeline. Georgina is a better fit.’
Oh and ‘Everyone agrees’ he said. (his mum then basically)

‘I was going to tell you’ doesn’t really cut it here does it? I will admit neither of us were really using her name in the hospital, we were calling her ‘little bean’ which was a silly but sentimental name we had for her when she was just a bump. But of course I’ve said Emmeline a few times and I’m sure he has as well.

He said he was really sorry, but ‘everyone’ was asking for a name and he felt he had to make a decision (that we had already made) and so he ‘went with Georgina.’
He says he can understand why I am upset but as we both like Georgina, why can’t we use it. Seeing as she doesn’t ‘feel like an Emmeline.’

if this had been discussed, then sure, we both have to feel comfortable with the end name, but that decision can’t be with one parent alone, behind the other ones back. He says I was too unwell to really decide. Yes, I was unwell. But perfectly capable of a conversation.

oh and his mum has already ordered ‘Georgina’ a personalised baby blanket 🥴

My Grandad changed my Dad's name on the way to the registry office (without my Nana) and came home and said he had changed it. My Nana must have been fuming.

It’s bad enough that he told everyone a different name to the one you agreed on but his response to being caught out is awful! He’s trying to manipulate you into giving in.

I’m not one who agrees that women get the final say because they grew the baby. Not in an equal relationship with two reasonable people. My DH and I could both reject the other one’s suggestions if we really disliked it. We both agreed on the names and neither of us would dream of changing it unilaterally. Unacceptable!

This!

@theresnoonequitelikegrandma I started being known by my middle name in my 30s! It's never too late to use a name that feels more like you.

@LenaLamont

"Who gives a shit? Until he's the one who gestated the baby and had a very difficult birth, he can keep his gob shut."

What a load of old shit. Good luck to your husband 😂

I think I'd have to choose a different name because that one would feel so tainted, even though I would have gone with Georgina if he'd just said he had second thoughts and didn't like it any more. That's properly daft!

He needs to tell everyone that's not the name and give you space to decide at the very least. That might allow you to go with his choice if you do like it.

DO NOT under any circumstances agree Georgina to even be a middle name! They will just steamroll over you and call her by the middle name then and she’ll still be Georgina to your in-laws.
I would also put Emmeline at least as a middle name even if you agree to call her something else in the end. He should get 0 rewards for being such a prick.

@Shiningout

My Mum has one name in her B/C and grew up being called another name. She didn't even know until she was much older.

My Grandparents attempt at appeasing both sets of their parents 🙄🙄🙄

@Lilysienna1 From your various comments, he sounds enmeshed with his Mum & extended family.

Tell him he needs to be less of a fucking WetWipe & more of a husband. The baby's name is EMMELINE as agreed.

MIL can change the name on the blanket or not, up to her, but you're not naming your child Georgina because of a bloody blanket.

'Everyone agrees'. I'd be seeing red!! It's not their baby & what's he doing discussing it with them.

I presume they all have sofas???

just when you're feeling vulnerable, he dumps this on you. Jerk.

I wouldnt be apologising.

Tell him you are putting your maiden name if he wants Georgina after all it’s only fair you both get to choose a bit of the name by yourself.

Ha great idea. You and baby have your birth surname.

That was an arsehole move by your DH 🤨 I do love the name Georgina but I'm biased as my beautiful cousin is called Georgina! Emmeline is very pretty too. But I think you and DH will have to come up with another name that you are both happy with if he's not keen on Emmeline and you (understandably) don't want Georgina!

Register her as Emmeline but don’t tell anyone for a couple of weeks. By which time hopefully his mother will have had ‘Georgina’ tattooed all the way up her arm. As I believe happened to one MNer.

By the way I agree with you about not using another name which is the feminine version of a boys name. Henrietta is fab though .

I'd send round a family/friend group WhatsApp with a picture of your DD, saying 'welcome to the world little Emmeline'. If anyone acts confused, laugh and tell them that daddy is a forgetful prat and that Emmeline is the name that you both chose.

I think I’ve said this before here… but there was a weird ‘tradition’ in my family that he who got to the birth certificate first picked the name.

My aunt was supposed to be Susan… but gramps got to the birth certificate first and named her Suzanne. Gram was not too happy. I was supposed to be Margaret Mary… but my mum got there first and named me something different.

Can’t help you @Lilysienna1 Just a hearty congratulations and yeah… good luck. If nothing else it’s likely to be an old family funny story in the future

You like Emmeline, he doesn’t.
Surely it should be something you both decide

You could compromise and have Georgina as the middle name,as being her dad, he should have a say too?

Not that it makes it right, but is it at all possible that your MIL has told everyone the name? When we named DS we pondered shortening his name to a nickname. We never did in the end, but we constantly get cards and gifts from DH’s family and family friends addressed to the nickname because MIL told everyone that’s he name (think Henry, with a nickname of Harry - very different names but a known nickname).

I think it's absolutely terrible that he did this while you were ill.

He an arsehole discussing it with everyone behind your back and saying they all agree with him.

I would definitely not use the name Georgina now, it would always make me feel resentful.

He said he was really sorry, but ‘everyone’ was asking for a name and he felt he had to make a decision

So he just couldn't go with "we haven't settled for a name yet" and waited till you were well enough (to his standards). Nah, sounds like he decided to go with ask for forgiveness not permission route.

That was a cowardly and nasty move on his part. He has been completely disrespectful to you and to your relationship.

He could have told the people pressing him for a name that you were still talking it over.

I would call all the people who have sent a card and tell them the baby's name is actually Emmeline, and let the chips fall where they may.

Yeah I would be furious, but it's not too late to go with Emmeline (which I prefer btw), you haven't registered the birth yet, you tell people you changed your mind and they'll just have to deal with it

Its a pretty shit move from your DH to be honest. He took advantage of you being unwell and he knows he did.

FWIW I agree that Henrietta and Georgina sound like you desperately wanted boys. The next might as well be Nigella............but that said both Emmeline and Georgina are nice names.

I know somebody whose DH did this over thirty years ago except he registered the baby's name. They had decided on one name (Scottish name) and her DH went off to register the child and came back saying he had named the baby an English name. But that really was the least of the woman's problems because the DH caused her a great deal of stress in the years to come and she grew to hate him.

This is actually the most shocking thing I’ve ever read on mumsnet. My jaw is 😨

What a twat! How did he think this was going to go?!!

She‘s obviously definitely not going to be called Georgina now (I presume!)

OP YANBU!!

He did have a say! He said he didn’t mind and OP should cast the deciding vote

My starting point is there is no fucking way this baby is going to be Georgina because decent men do not treat their wives like that. Every single time I saw Georgina I would think oh yes I married an absolute wanker with no respect at all for me. Now you go call your mum or I will, and if you say it’s because I was too unwell to decide you need to pack a bag because yes I was unwell, and decent men do not shit on their wives choice of baby name because the wife is very unwell after giving birth to the baby. Frankly I could decide to call the baby my dad is a wanker right now and you have to suck it up. If you are suitably apologetic and go tell your family what you’ve done we can reconsider Emmeline but it’s Georgina over my dead body.