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AIBU?

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Original poster

My DH has changed my baby’s name….

549 replies

Lilysienna1 · 15/03/2024 21:52

… or at least, he’s TOLD everyone a different name. I’m pretty sure I am not being unreasonable. This is more of what would be a reasonable response. Because right now I’m ready to LTB.

I have recently given birth to our 3rd and final baby. I had a difficult birth, and have just got home from hospital after a 10 day stay.
As we did with previous births, we’ve not allowed any visitors and as I’ve been so unwell, I’ve actually only bothered with my
phone to snap a few photos, in between sleeping and feeding etc. Not announced the birth on social media, and only spoke with my mum and sisters.

I arrive home today and started opening cards and presents that family and friends (from DH side) have dropped round. All with congratulations on the birth of ‘Georgina.’

This would be lovely, if her name was Georgina. However, it isn’t or at least it wasn’t. We had agreed on Emmeline. Georgina was a top contender, but I just didn’t love it as much as Emmeline. DH had not expressed how much he loved the name Georgina - he was very much ‘I like all the names on the shortlist. You can choose.’ Which I did. Emmeline.

so of course, I confront him on it. We didn’t share any names with friends and family, so I knew they hadn’t just taken a wild guess. He looked a bit sheepish and said ‘I was going to tell you. I just don’t think I can imagine calling her Emmeline. Georgina is a better fit.’
Oh and ‘Everyone agrees’ he said. (his mum then basically)

‘I was going to tell you’ doesn’t really cut it here does it? I will admit neither of us were really using her name in the hospital, we were calling her ‘little bean’ which was a silly but sentimental name we had for her when she was just a bump. But of course I’ve said Emmeline a few times and I’m sure he has as well.

He said he was really sorry, but ‘everyone’ was asking for a name and he felt he had to make a decision (that we had already made) and so he ‘went with Georgina.’
He says he can understand why I am upset but as we both like Georgina, why can’t we use it. Seeing as she doesn’t ‘feel like an Emmeline.’

if this had been discussed, then sure, we both have to feel comfortable with the end name, but that decision can’t be with one parent alone, behind the other ones back. He says I was too unwell to really decide. Yes, I was unwell. But perfectly capable of a conversation.

oh and his mum has already ordered ‘Georgina’ a personalised baby blanket 🥴

OP posts:
Original poster
Lilysienna1 · 15/03/2024 22:19

I know it’s not really the point of the post, and this is extremely outing- but never mind, if you know my DH, you now know he’s a bit of a knob… but, one of the main reasons for Georgina not making the Final Cut was because we BOTH had said, with our only other daughter being named Henrietta, it felt a bit like ‘they must have wanted sons then’… if that makes sense.

I also personally wasn’t keen on ‘George’ becoming a nickname of the future- and I really think you have to like all the very likely NN’s that might materialise!

I would definitely still be up for discussing the name if he had said how he felt, or just waited until I was home. I find it infuriating that during all the conversations he has had with MY family, he’s not once mentioned ‘Georgina’ - so in my mind, he obviously knew this wasn’t an acceptable move, or why not tell my family?? Whenever I spoke to my mum and sisters, they never put pressure on me to announce the name. Henrietta was 2 weeks old when we settled on her name.

She’s still very much ‘little bean’ right now if I’m honest, but I just don’t feel I can agree to Georgina, mostly on principle.

OP posts:
Confusedmeanderings · 15/03/2024 22:19

F

yourlobster · 15/03/2024 22:22

Even if I loved the name, absolutely no fucking way would I call her Georgina now. What a twat!

He also needs to send a message to all his family explaining the fuck up. You can write it. 😉

TheTimeIsNowMaybeNow · 15/03/2024 22:22

I'd be fuming and her name would not be Georgina

Untethered · 15/03/2024 22:22

Lilysienna1 · 15/03/2024 22:19

I know it’s not really the point of the post, and this is extremely outing- but never mind, if you know my DH, you now know he’s a bit of a knob… but, one of the main reasons for Georgina not making the Final Cut was because we BOTH had said, with our only other daughter being named Henrietta, it felt a bit like ‘they must have wanted sons then’… if that makes sense.

I also personally wasn’t keen on ‘George’ becoming a nickname of the future- and I really think you have to like all the very likely NN’s that might materialise!

I would definitely still be up for discussing the name if he had said how he felt, or just waited until I was home. I find it infuriating that during all the conversations he has had with MY family, he’s not once mentioned ‘Georgina’ - so in my mind, he obviously knew this wasn’t an acceptable move, or why not tell my family?? Whenever I spoke to my mum and sisters, they never put pressure on me to announce the name. Henrietta was 2 weeks old when we settled on her name.

She’s still very much ‘little bean’ right now if I’m honest, but I just don’t feel I can agree to Georgina, mostly on principle.

Sounds like he saw an opportunity to act the big man. What a twat.

Louisa and Henrietta would be a good pair of names!

gm2023 · 15/03/2024 22:23

Not the same at all but a friend announced her baby’s name to me (and everyone else) as Jessica. A few days later she changed her mind and said baby was now Emily. It really didn’t matter one bit to anyone else and we all complimented her on the new name. So I want to say - do not worry about sending out a message saying baby’s name is actually something else!

DrunkenElephant · 15/03/2024 22:24

I would be furious too.

I’d be registering baby with a name I liked and I wouldn’t tell him or his family what it was. They’d have to guess. A modern day Rumpelstiltskin, just without the gold.

I am petty though.

TheRainItRaineth · 15/03/2024 22:25

My great grandmother had quite a lot of children (more than 10). Every time she had one she asked her husband what he wanted to call the baby, agreed, added her preferred name as the middle name and often some more middle names too, and never called the baby anything but the middle name. They were all known by their middle names until they died. Just saying.

However, in this day and age, just tell him you don't want Georgina and you'll have to agree on either Emmeline or something else.

AdoraBell · 15/03/2024 22:25

YANBU. Absolute dick move. As suggested register the baby with the name you agreed and announce it. I wouldn’t apologise, leave it to him to apologise or explain that he had pulled a dick move by announcing a name that you had not agreed rather than the name you did agree.

AutumnCrow · 15/03/2024 22:25

If my DS did this to his lovely DP, I'd tip him in a lava flow.

He and his mother sound bloody exhausting.

Upinthenightagain · 15/03/2024 22:25

The audacity! I would be handing the man his arse on a plate. Knobhead.

LordPercyPercy · 15/03/2024 22:26

Emmeline even rhymes with Little Bean.

Strawberrycheesecake7 · 15/03/2024 22:27

My grandad actually registered one of my Aunts with a different name than the one he and my grandma agreed on. They never changed it and my Aunt still has this random name her dad chose for her at the last minute. My grandparents are still together in their eighties now and my grandma tells it as a funny story but I imagine she was very angry at the time. She’s usually the one who makes decisions in their relationship as well so I don’t know what on earth came over him.

I don’t blame you at all for being annoyed, I would be too. I don’t necessarily think it’s unforgivable though if you work together to find a solution, but he absolutely needs to apologise for his behaviour first. I don’t think you should be forced to name the baby Georgina if you really don’t feel that’s her name. But at the same time if he really doesn’t feel that Emmeline is her name then that won’t work either. Though it was wrong of him to agree to it when it didn’t mean it. Ideally you both need to love the name and neither of you should be going along with it to please the other one. In my opinion the best thing to do would be to choose another name on your shortlist or go back to the drawing board.

StupidMove · 15/03/2024 22:27

Of all the things he could do to help you, when you were unwell, he unilaterally decided the name?!

I think this was a very odd and potentially controlling thing to do.

Anyway, I hope you are feeling better now. It sounds like you have been through some real trauma. take care. X

PuppyMonkey · 15/03/2024 22:27

Unbelievable. Literally.

All2Well · 15/03/2024 22:27

"Hello, everyone, thank you for your well wishes, cards and gifts for our baby girl. DH and I discussed names prior to her birth and settled on Emmeline. I was really surprised to find out he's mistakenly told everyone she's called Georgina! I wish he'd told me haha! To be fair we've been calling her little bean most of the time. I'm so sorry for DH's error. Anyway, little Emmeline is doing well and can't wait to meet you all for cuddles. See you soon!"

thirtyeighty · 15/03/2024 22:29

I'm fuming on your behalf. Make it clear how you feel, put all your energy into getting better and choosing a name you both agree on. Have a little party in a few weeks to welcome {insert actual baby name} with a big banner with her name on. Take lots of photos and invite those special to you to meet her. Take care.

Original poster
Lilysienna1 · 15/03/2024 22:29

He also tried to use the argument that ‘Emmeline doesn’t sound right with the other children’s names, as the others both have 4 syllable names.’

1- they don’t need to ‘go’ together. They are individual beings.

2- Georgina also has 3 syllables.

it’s been left as me sitting upstairs alone with ‘little nameless bean with the wanker daddy’ and I’ve asked for space to calm and rest and will have a rational conversation over the weekend. He really doesn’t have form for weird or controlling behaviour. Not sure if I should laugh or cry!

OP posts:
T1Dmama · 15/03/2024 22:30

I would text everyone ASAP saying that the baby is NOT called Georgina, and was going to be Emmaline but since SH has decided he doesn’t like it you will let everyone know the name once it’s been agreed.
tell MIL to cancel the blanket!!

mynamechangemyrules · 15/03/2024 22:30

This reminds me of my Gran's story of her name... he were all confused when we saw her initials once and she said her mum had told her dad the name and sent him to register it and he'd gone via the pub and registered 3 first names and none were the one my great gran wanted 😂
She ignored him (and the birth certificate!) and called her the name she wanted.
My gran completely ignored the birth certificate and was never known as anything other than the name her mother originally chose...

Emmeline is a better name anyway 😂

BrambleyHedge · 15/03/2024 22:30

My dad this. My mum sent him off to the registry office to call me 'B' and he registered me as 'A'. Thankfully I love being 'A' and hate the name 'B' but it was a crap thing to do.

AutumnCrow · 15/03/2024 22:31

PuppyMonkey · 15/03/2024 22:27

Unbelievable. Literally.

Is that blanket denial?

doubleshift · 15/03/2024 22:31

What do your other kids think their sister is called? Surely they've been told a name and been using it or telling people at school

Minikievs · 15/03/2024 22:32

Echoing all (most!) pp - Emmeline is a MUCH nicer name than Georgina

zazazoop · 15/03/2024 22:32

Think you both need to decide upon a new (third name) as you can't agree between those two.

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