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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

My DH has changed my baby’s name….

549 replies

Lilysienna1 · 15/03/2024 21:52

… or at least, he’s TOLD everyone a different name. I’m pretty sure I am not being unreasonable. This is more of what would be a reasonable response. Because right now I’m ready to LTB.

I have recently given birth to our 3rd and final baby. I had a difficult birth, and have just got home from hospital after a 10 day stay.
As we did with previous births, we’ve not allowed any visitors and as I’ve been so unwell, I’ve actually only bothered with my
phone to snap a few photos, in between sleeping and feeding etc. Not announced the birth on social media, and only spoke with my mum and sisters.

I arrive home today and started opening cards and presents that family and friends (from DH side) have dropped round. All with congratulations on the birth of ‘Georgina.’

This would be lovely, if her name was Georgina. However, it isn’t or at least it wasn’t. We had agreed on Emmeline. Georgina was a top contender, but I just didn’t love it as much as Emmeline. DH had not expressed how much he loved the name Georgina - he was very much ‘I like all the names on the shortlist. You can choose.’ Which I did. Emmeline.

so of course, I confront him on it. We didn’t share any names with friends and family, so I knew they hadn’t just taken a wild guess. He looked a bit sheepish and said ‘I was going to tell you. I just don’t think I can imagine calling her Emmeline. Georgina is a better fit.’
Oh and ‘Everyone agrees’ he said. (his mum then basically)

‘I was going to tell you’ doesn’t really cut it here does it? I will admit neither of us were really using her name in the hospital, we were calling her ‘little bean’ which was a silly but sentimental name we had for her when she was just a bump. But of course I’ve said Emmeline a few times and I’m sure he has as well.

He said he was really sorry, but ‘everyone’ was asking for a name and he felt he had to make a decision (that we had already made) and so he ‘went with Georgina.’
He says he can understand why I am upset but as we both like Georgina, why can’t we use it. Seeing as she doesn’t ‘feel like an Emmeline.’

if this had been discussed, then sure, we both have to feel comfortable with the end name, but that decision can’t be with one parent alone, behind the other ones back. He says I was too unwell to really decide. Yes, I was unwell. But perfectly capable of a conversation.

oh and his mum has already ordered ‘Georgina’ a personalised baby blanket 🥴

OP posts:
Sapphireblueeyes · 18/03/2024 11:37

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 15/03/2024 21:55

I'd register the birth myself asap and put out a group chat message correcting everyone and apologising for the confusion
☝🏻 This & congratulations 💐

SoupDragon · 18/03/2024 11:52

Sapphireblueeyes · 18/03/2024 11:37

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 15/03/2024 21:55

I'd register the birth myself asap and put out a group chat message correcting everyone and apologising for the confusion
☝🏻 This & congratulations 💐

Alternatively, they could discuss it and come up with a different name. Like they did yesterday.

QueenOfTheEntireFuckingUniverse · 18/03/2024 12:17

What a lovely update. And a beautiful name.

Congratulations @Lilysienna1

Sugargliderwombat · 18/03/2024 12:20

Ahh a happy ending!!! A rarity on mumsnet. Congratulations its a lovely name and lulu is sweet too x

Gnomes24 · 18/03/2024 13:09

My Dad did this to my mum in almost similar circumstances. I have 2 birth certificates. 1 with the name my dad chose and 1 with an additional name my mum put in to make the name flow better. I am the proud owner of 3 names, but I am known by my third...which was originally my middle name they had both agreed on. Why didn't they just call me simply by that 1 middle name as they both agreed on it? I know it doesn't help you, but thought you might like to know you are not alone.

RoseMarigoldViolet · 18/03/2024 13:17

Louisa is lovely.
Good to hear it is resolved. Hope you are getting some sleep.

Razz50 · 18/03/2024 13:19

I would be absolutely fuming!! Also definitely register the birth yourself in the name you want.

Zodd96 · 18/03/2024 13:33

I would still register her as what you planned if his family complain then say oh we decided on Emmeline and he has not expressed how he didn't like the name and im sorry that you guys was blindsided just like I was if you give in then honestly he might do other things to undermine you which would cause more tension also he already gets to give her his last name when you done all the work if you have to compare the baby to cake baking and explain how you put in all the work and he gave you a pinch of salt or a spoon of baking powder but didn't help with the mixing or the baking and for at the end the baby to be named after him is already a slap in the face bug fof him to go behind your back and change the whole name is ridiculous and selfish and something he could of discussed its very sneakers well id be rethinking the whole relationship and al like other stuff he has done that I could compare this too that didn't seem so bad but now its escalated as you have let him get away with it all this time.

Fastfastfastsuper · 18/03/2024 13:34

Pipecleanerrevival · 15/03/2024 21:57

What an asshole. I’d change his name to Richard until he sorts this out.

...and call him dick for short

FlipFlop1987 · 18/03/2024 13:40

This has probably been pointed out as lots of replies but Emmeline and ‘Little Bean’ sound very similar so I’m really surprised he doesn’t like it!

I’d be absolutely fuming, yes it’s a joint decision and both have to like it but after all you have been through getting her here, Mum should always have the final say, if you didn’t want Georgina then that’s the end of it.

Bennetty · 18/03/2024 13:50

He's INSANE. I'd be livid and questioning my relationship with someone so clueless and self centered.

Dottydoll · 18/03/2024 14:11

Why don’t you give it a few days/week or so and then see how you feel? You may agree after a short while. And if you don’t it can go back to Emmeline.

BirthdayRainbow · 18/03/2024 14:20

This is one of those threads where the title needs altering to say All Resolved...

ensayers · 18/03/2024 14:26

Emmeline sounds like medical cream for piles

PinkIcedCream · 18/03/2024 15:05

FlipFlop1987 · 18/03/2024 13:40

This has probably been pointed out as lots of replies but Emmeline and ‘Little Bean’ sound very similar so I’m really surprised he doesn’t like it!

I’d be absolutely fuming, yes it’s a joint decision and both have to like it but after all you have been through getting her here, Mum should always have the final say, if you didn’t want Georgina then that’s the end of it.

Maybe you could bother to at least read all the OP’s posts next time?

They’ve discussed this and chosen a new name together.

MadMadaMim · 18/03/2024 15:56

Emmeline - much nicer than Louisa.

I'd find it hard to get over having to change the agreed name. Totally selfish, underhanded sly move.

SoupDragon · 18/03/2024 16:03

MadMadaMim · 18/03/2024 15:56

Emmeline - much nicer than Louisa.

I'd find it hard to get over having to change the agreed name. Totally selfish, underhanded sly move.

The OP disagrees and says she likes Louisa more.

MzHz · 18/03/2024 16:26

MadMadaMim · 18/03/2024 15:56

Emmeline - much nicer than Louisa.

I'd find it hard to get over having to change the agreed name. Totally selfish, underhanded sly move.

first rule of mumsnet baby name threads - the name people decide for their dc is absolutely fine. You don’t have to like it. You don’t need to comment.

Second rule of mumsnet baby name threads - don’t be a dick.

MadMadaMim · 18/03/2024 17:32

MzHz · 18/03/2024 16:26

first rule of mumsnet baby name threads - the name people decide for their dc is absolutely fine. You don’t have to like it. You don’t need to comment.

Second rule of mumsnet baby name threads - don’t be a dick.

What?

I'm not being a dick

Maybe go back to bed and get out the right side. The only dick behaviour is yours.

MadMadaMim · 18/03/2024 17:33

@MzHz and FWIW - at no pinbtsid I say I disliked ANY of the names.

MadMadaMim · 18/03/2024 17:36

@Lilysienna1 - I've clearly broken a rule I was not aware of and apologise. I did not mean to offend. Louisa is a beautiful name.

GuessThatGranny · 18/03/2024 18:02

I’m glad you both found a way through this - welcome to the world Louisa

Rosestulips · 18/03/2024 19:03

I like it. Congratulations 🥳

NinaPersson · 18/03/2024 19:12

I like the new name. Emmeline reminds me of semolina

StormingNorman · 18/03/2024 20:18

I’ve only heard of this once. In later years there was DV in the marriage. Only you know whether there was any controlling intent behind this or if he just handled the situation badly. What he does next is what’s important.

its not that uncommon for parents to try out different names once the baby arrives before settling on something. I have a birthday card with my brother’s now defunct name 😂 It won’t be a big deal to announce a new name.

I would take Emmeline and Georgina off the table and go with a third option you choose together.