My DH has changed my baby’s name….

[Lilysienna1]

… or at least, he’s TOLD everyone a different name. I’m pretty sure I am not being unreasonable. This is more of what would be a reasonable response. Because right now I’m ready to LTB.

I have recently given birth to our 3rd and final baby. I had a difficult birth, and have just got home from hospital after a 10 day stay.
As we did with previous births, we’ve not allowed any visitors and as I’ve been so unwell, I’ve actually only bothered with my
phone to snap a few photos, in between sleeping and feeding etc. Not announced the birth on social media, and only spoke with my mum and sisters.

I arrive home today and started opening cards and presents that family and friends (from DH side) have dropped round. All with congratulations on the birth of ‘Georgina.’

This would be lovely, if her name was Georgina. However, it isn’t or at least it wasn’t. We had agreed on Emmeline. Georgina was a top contender, but I just didn’t love it as much as Emmeline. DH had not expressed how much he loved the name Georgina - he was very much ‘I like all the names on the shortlist. You can choose.’ Which I did. Emmeline.

so of course, I confront him on it. We didn’t share any names with friends and family, so I knew they hadn’t just taken a wild guess. He looked a bit sheepish and said ‘I was going to tell you. I just don’t think I can imagine calling her Emmeline. Georgina is a better fit.’
Oh and ‘Everyone agrees’ he said. (his mum then basically)

‘I was going to tell you’ doesn’t really cut it here does it? I will admit neither of us were really using her name in the hospital, we were calling her ‘little bean’ which was a silly but sentimental name we had for her when she was just a bump. But of course I’ve said Emmeline a few times and I’m sure he has as well.

He said he was really sorry, but ‘everyone’ was asking for a name and he felt he had to make a decision (that we had already made) and so he ‘went with Georgina.’
He says he can understand why I am upset but as we both like Georgina, why can’t we use it. Seeing as she doesn’t ‘feel like an Emmeline.’

if this had been discussed, then sure, we both have to feel comfortable with the end name, but that decision can’t be with one parent alone, behind the other ones back. He says I was too unwell to really decide. Yes, I was unwell. But perfectly capable of a conversation.

oh and his mum has already ordered ‘Georgina’ a personalised baby blanket 🥴

I am actually gobsmacked!

I think it’s intended to be seen as ballsy, no nonsense and decisive.

In some of the contexts it just sounds unhinged …

WTF? 😆 He can't do that. WTF is wrong with him?!

Dick would be better.

OP

It could be worse. I was chatting to someone one day at the pub and the other person mentioned her friend's name which was something like Noonoo.

Apparently the mother was a hippy and on the way to register her daughters took something that caused her to make the decision to name them Twin1 and Twin2 and let them decide their own names.

Writing this out I'm now wondering how true this is.

So his mother changed the name not him! That’s even worse.

I would come up with a name, and say her middle name is Georgina and he got mixed up.

can I suggest a name to you? Just from my own very strange and wonderful experience with a third and last baby name, is there any chance her name could be Abigail?

Do not bow to his mother’s pressure - because let’s be honest that is what this is. He wouldn’t have changed her name unless he was given green light by his mother. You have a dh problem here. I would say you change this now without compromise. Send out a round robin email and apologise but correct people. Let him look an idiot.

My sister is a different name to that on her hospital wrist band's. Dad registered her as something different. Mum saw the funny side and my sister named her first daughter her original name. Georgina is a beautiful name btw and the original for my sister!

This 100%!

This would be the end for me. There is no bigger red flag than disrespecting a new mother. You have just grown an entire new human being in your body and birthed her safely into the world. You are a fucking goddess. Your wish is his command. If not now, then when?

MN stories about mistreatment during pregnancy and childbirth and early motherhood absolutely enrage me. This is womens unique gift to the world, the thing that men cannot do. I have no idea how we allowed it to become so devalued.

Then like a poster said she's now Emmeline Georgina and she can tell the funny story of how her middle name came to be when she's older.

My DF chose my name but spelt it wrong when writing to relatives. It became it cute story.

My son was even registered with his nickname (my ex was a tool and I was still in the fog after birth) but you get a year to change it so I did.

All I will say is this OP. Make sure you are there when he goes to the registry office. Even if he agrees to the final name you will never know if he will spell it correctly. Mine didn't, and even DD hates his spelling (to the point she's done a deed poll). I should have left him then, he's been an arse ever since she's been born.

You'll look back on this in a few years and howl laughing, in the grand scheme of things it's not a huge deal. Enjoy your lovely baby. And don't let him go alone to register her birth, she'll probably end up being lumbered with Edward or something 🤣🤣🤣

YANBU this is such a dick move from him and I’d be seriously questioning the relationships future.

If he doesn’t like the baby’s current name, then it’s up to you to both decide on a new one.

Neither of you get to trump a name and going as far as telling family members so the other person feels pushed into accepting it, is absolutely awful.

I would get him to message all of his family and apologise and offer to reimburse any costs and admit that he lied to them because the baby doesn’t have a name yet.

I'm sorry he did that. My STBEH did this with our 1st child too.

Is your other child (i.e. the one who isn’t Henrietta or Emmeline/Georgina) a girl or a boy and who ultimately chose the first two children’s names?

Did you not tell the hospital her name was Emmeline? Did the midwife not ask? Did you not discuss it within minutes of her birth and confirm your choice with your DH? Did she not have a name tag on her wrist or a label on her bassinet? That's most strange. I've had three kids and I just can't imagine a situation where this just sort of happened due to a general lack of discussion on the subject within the first 24 hours of the baby's birth.

I can perhaps understand having that discussion and not managing to arrive at a consensus, so agreeing to give it a few days to see how various names 'bed in'. But I just can't understand not even having that discussion at all.

It's most odd.

You absolutely should not bow to this, as others have mentioned, it was his Mum who has forced this decision and sorry but that makes him a spineless twat which is what I would rename him.
Personally I really don't like Georgina, for me it sounds really old fashioned, your choice of name is lovely.
Good luck trying to have a rational conversation this weekend, not sure I'd be able to manage it with him...

Sorry, but no. It is controlling and not right at all. A baby's name should be a joint decision. If he can do this without discussion with OP, then what next? So so wrong.

Happened to a friend of mine. She wanted to give their son, as second name, her father's lovely but not very common name- and he said, no, NO family names. She was upset as she had recently lost her father and wanted to honour him, but accepted it and then chose 2 other names. When she was in hospital after C section, he registered the son in 2 family names. He did the same with their daughter a couple of years later. JUst NOT on.

And I've just seen you were in hospital for TEN days. I am amazed that the subject of her name never came up in that time. Amazed.

Did you veto all his choices with the other two or something, so he just made a unilateral decision to have his way this time, and to hell with it?

Agree OP, Henrietta and Georgina together are too much. Henrietta and Emmeline more balanced...

I hope you find the strength to stick with it!

I’m not always sure the turnabout method of naming is ideal. It’s fair in one respect but the problem is, even though dcs go on to live their live as individuals eventually, they do spend many years as a name mentioned in the same breath as their siblings, kind of like Tom and Jerry. I quite like the name Tom, but if they already had a sibling Jerry I’d go right off it as a possibility.

In the OP’s situation, regardless of who chose the other dc names, I think she has identified a valid concern that together (though both nice apart) Henrietta and Georgina sounds like a pairing of feminised boy names. Ultimately getting it right for the dcs has to be more important than the adults playing turn about.

I completely agree!

I am shocked at some of these replies, they must have a very low bar in life.

No one gets to go behind their partners back and rename a child, going as far as to tell other family members so the OP feels pressured into accepting it.

It’s absolutely awful!

It's possible. I was in for 5 days (complications with delivery) & baby was just known as BabyX on his tag. After discharge ExH went to the Register Office alone & came back & told me. I might have been able to challenge it legally if I'd been quick (I cant remember that bit) but I couldn't walk /drive so I gave up)