My DH has changed my baby’s name….

[Lilysienna1]

… or at least, he’s TOLD everyone a different name. I’m pretty sure I am not being unreasonable. This is more of what would be a reasonable response. Because right now I’m ready to LTB.

I have recently given birth to our 3rd and final baby. I had a difficult birth, and have just got home from hospital after a 10 day stay.
As we did with previous births, we’ve not allowed any visitors and as I’ve been so unwell, I’ve actually only bothered with my
phone to snap a few photos, in between sleeping and feeding etc. Not announced the birth on social media, and only spoke with my mum and sisters.

I arrive home today and started opening cards and presents that family and friends (from DH side) have dropped round. All with congratulations on the birth of ‘Georgina.’

This would be lovely, if her name was Georgina. However, it isn’t or at least it wasn’t. We had agreed on Emmeline. Georgina was a top contender, but I just didn’t love it as much as Emmeline. DH had not expressed how much he loved the name Georgina - he was very much ‘I like all the names on the shortlist. You can choose.’ Which I did. Emmeline.

so of course, I confront him on it. We didn’t share any names with friends and family, so I knew they hadn’t just taken a wild guess. He looked a bit sheepish and said ‘I was going to tell you. I just don’t think I can imagine calling her Emmeline. Georgina is a better fit.’
Oh and ‘Everyone agrees’ he said. (his mum then basically)

‘I was going to tell you’ doesn’t really cut it here does it? I will admit neither of us were really using her name in the hospital, we were calling her ‘little bean’ which was a silly but sentimental name we had for her when she was just a bump. But of course I’ve said Emmeline a few times and I’m sure he has as well.

He said he was really sorry, but ‘everyone’ was asking for a name and he felt he had to make a decision (that we had already made) and so he ‘went with Georgina.’
He says he can understand why I am upset but as we both like Georgina, why can’t we use it. Seeing as she doesn’t ‘feel like an Emmeline.’

if this had been discussed, then sure, we both have to feel comfortable with the end name, but that decision can’t be with one parent alone, behind the other ones back. He says I was too unwell to really decide. Yes, I was unwell. But perfectly capable of a conversation.

oh and his mum has already ordered ‘Georgina’ a personalised baby blanket 🥴

Like others I’ve been trying to figure out how this could happen and the only thing that spring to my mind is that he has been pressurised by blanket buying Gran into it as it is their preference. Does he have form for conforming or any other Mil issues? This isn’t a bash at mil but what other conversation could have happened? Oh what’s the babies name??? Eeeerrrrrr (pressure pressure pressure) Georgina! Rather than oh we haven’t decided and have two names.

the names themselves actually don’t matter, it’s the fact he felt the need to actively decide for both of you on something so significant but did say to your family….

definately call him richard - dick for short for the foreseeable, and have another discussion about names not being pressurised by a bloody blanket!

My dsis had a different name for a few days, my dad changed his mind and said it was another name, so the swappped the names over and made the original name the middle name

your dd will suit Georgina, make emmaline the middle name and you’ll have a story to tell her when she’s older

Well what does OP feel about which name she “just looks” like?

I LOVE Emmeline and can’t imagine any little newborn not suiting it perfectly. I can possibly see that later on Georgina might sound more grown up, but I have always thought it is quite a masculine name so if they worry their girls’ names sound a bit boyish, I do think that is a valid concern. To me both Georgia and Georgiana are more feminine if either worked as a compromise ( and the latter does have four syllables if he’s going to be a syllable pedant!)

But I’d be fyoooriooouus OP!

This happened with my MIL and everyone calls her by her middle name. Except her mum called her by her first name!

Do registrars not visit hospitals regularly to register births with names and dates soon after birth any more? Do you like Georgia?

I'd refuse to use Georgina out of principle because I'm a petty bitch.

Georgina is a fucking awful name, please register her as Emmeline asap

I was on a slightly different track, if you'd read the post I'd responded to.

Re: the OP - I think her DH has way overstepped the mark and if I were her I'd just refuse to use Georgina at all - even if he's rushed off and registered it. I'd still call her Emmeline. And if people query it say "Oh, we called her Georgina because MIL made such a fuss about it and trust me, it's not worth upsetting the old bat. But I hate the name so always use our/ my preference - Emmeline."

I would die on this hill.

Edit for grammar

Well I do agree with you anyway actually because some babies do just suit certain names . But how naughty of DH not to ask OP!

Im not quick to kick MILs on these threads because I think they are sometimes dammed if they don’t damned if they do BUT I do smell a bit of MIL interference in this one !

This is awful. You obviously can’t call her Georgina now or her name will forever be a reminder of how your DH went behind your back at a time when you were vulnerable in hospital. Of all the times a man could be selfish and put himself first ahead of his wife post-birth with his wife in hospital is surely the lowest of the low.

Either stick with Emmeline or find a new name but you cannot go with Georgina now or you will forever look at your precious daughter and think of what a self-centred man your husband is.

I think you should have agreed upon a name much sooner. It sounds like you have both independently picked a name without properly agreeing it. He should be able to veto Emmeline, not least because it is absolutely awful, but you should also be able to veto Georgina. Why don’t you talk and come up with a new name, hopefully before her first birthday.

Georgina and Henrietta for your 2 only daughters DOES sound like you wanted boys. I'd be fuming. He is a top wanker.

It sounds like you have both independently picked a name without properly agreeing it

No it doesn't sound like that at all.

there was a short list.

Emmeline and Georgina were two of the names on it.

DH said "I like them all so you pick"

OP picked Emmeline.

DH agreed to it.

As far as OP was concerned it was cut and dried until she found out that everybody knew her MIL's husband's decision before she did, and the name had been changed.

That is so disrespectful and totally inconsiderate.

Henrietta I really like, but together it does start to sound like you planned on Henry and George - then added feminine- sounding suffixes when they inconvenienced you by being girls and you hadn’t kept the girl section of the baby name book. ( But Henrietta and Emmeline has a totally different vibe: really pretty! )

Just text your DH's family in the group chat and say, "DH has been a terrible mistake. We agreed that the baby's name is Emmeline. Absolutely no idea where Georgina came from - that was never an option we discussed.

"Please welcome baby Emmeline!" and attach a photograph.

Make it painfully awkward for everyone involved so they don't dare use Georgina going forward.

What an idiot he is.

Totally not the point but Tara is so much a better name.

Agree, you can shorten it to Beanie, like Beanie Feldstein.

You liked the name, you still would have been up for a conversation about it. So forget about his family knowing and everything else in between, just have a conversation and pick the name that you both agree on. He doesn't like Emmaline he is ok to say that. He obviously shouldn't have told everyone her name was Georgina without a discussion with you. But it's just himself he's made look a fool if that doesn't end up being her name.

Whatever you do op, make sure you register her- do not let your dh go alone.
I have 2 friends who were registered by their father. Both of them chose completely different names to the ones they had agreed with their wives.
Both mothers disliked the names the father randomly chose.

DH has been a terrible mistake.

Indeed he has. Imagine being so stupid as to change a baby's name without checking with the mother. That man is truly a mistake.

Although, my great-grandad. His wife registered their first two girls as 'Ethel' and 'Bertha'. He had the measure of her then, and for the third girl, their ninth and last child, he nipped out to the registry office and named her 'Lily', which is much prettier.

eta: 'Little Bean'? My dd is still addressed as Bean, daily, at 41.

How about a new name so it doesn't feel like one of you "won" or didn't "win"?

Perhaps Georgia or Emily/Emilie?

Love Beatrice and Bea (n) and they work really well with Henrietta.

I really like Emmeline, and love the thought of Emmeline Pankhurst. Something special about a reflection back to a strong historical figure!

What a plonker
Personally I prefer it to Emmeline its still a nice name
Iike others I'd think a totally new name is the best neutral way forward