To have still gone out yesterday?

[KettleOFish]

I had a mother's day meal planned yesterday with my mum and my child.

DH was never going to come, but he didn't seen to mind, probably just happy to get some time to himself.

Until DSC ended up being with us yesterday. Their mum ended up doing some over time on Sunday so they came Sat night (didn't find out until Saturday) and stayed all day yesterday. Which is fine.

However, DH then expected me to want to spend the day with all the kids instead and was pissed off that I still went out with my mum and child and left them at home. I also went back to my mums after the meal for a while instead of going home (probably petty but it annoyed me that he expected me to change my plans).

He thinks I've been unreasonable not to do something that involved all DC on mothers day. I disagree as I already had plans and I just wanted to spend the day with my mum and my own child.

I can see your point, but think of the kids; they don't get to spend Mother's day with their mum, then their step-mum whisks off their step-sibling for a lovely lunch.
So yes, yabvu. I mean, it's hardly fostering blended family relationships is it?

I don't think you are being unreasonable at all. You told him you had plans and he bombarded those and didn't care how you thought at all.

He does not understand respect or boundaries.

Now it is not a divorce job but do make it clear. I have the right to stick to my plans unless it is an emergency. I matter too.

And yet, if you were reporting that dsc did nothing for you for mother's day posters would tell you that you're not their mother and therefore shouldn't be expecting anything.
Seems.like a situation you just can't win.
Yanbu.

Agree with this. I’d have altered my plans and definitely included my step-child.

He got a 1-1 day with his DSC. He could have done something special with them.

YANBU. You already had plans. The step-children being there with their own father shouldn't change that.

How old are the 2 children?
What did the dsc want to do?
Impossible to know if you were reasonable or not without this info OP, although I fully understand you wanting to spend the time with your own mum and child.

So he was annoyed about looking after his own child ? Surely that gave them the perfect opportunity to have some one on one time . Sounds like he just wanted time to himself and couldn't be bothered.

Why should your Mother's Day with your mum and child change, because someone does overtime with less than 24 hours notice?

Your DH is BU for being annoyed! He was fine with it when it was you going and leaving him to his own devices, but when he's got to look after his other DC suddenly it's a problem? No chance - he's a cheeky bugger! He could have used that for some great 1-1 time with his kids. You're not their mum, why would he expect you to want to spend time with "all the kids" rather than your actual mum on Mother's Day?! Wild.

Op already had plans. There was no need to change the plans.

This was the perfect opportunity fordsc to spend quality time with their dad . Dad just couldn't be arsed doing something himself by the sound of it as he was perfectly happy for op and child to go out before his child arrived.

Why couldn’t he do something nice with his child - a lunch out or a film or something? Perfectly fine to say “oh - great - it’ll be great to see you. Kettle is taking sibling to see sibling’s gran, so would you like to do x or y?”. Ridiculous to expect you to change your plans.

Do DSC get you a Mother’s Day present or card?

i think YANBU. Does this short notice change happen often, that would annoy me. I’m glad you already had plans out of the house

Why should she change her plans just because their mum decided to work instead?

She'd already planned a day with her mum and child. The SDC had a whole day to spend with their dad. Sounds perfect to me?

As long as you offered them the opportunity to come with then no problem. You are all a family so should be inclusive. If dsc and dh didn’t want to go for lunch then no problem yanbu.

So absolutely fine when he thought he'd be left on his own, but not fine when he had to parent his kids

You weren't unreasonable

Oh come on! Kids don't care about Mothers' Day and they don't care about having lunches in restaurants.

Yanbu. Someone doing overtime at the last minute is nothing to do with your plans. Why is he unable to amuse his own child himself? Sounds like he just wanted help.

And no, DSC didn’t need an invite.

Would you have welcomed the children with you if he’d come with you?

I agree it would have been nicer to spend the day all together, but that would have meant your DH and step children joining you, not you ditching your Mum.

YANBU

YANBU why should you have to change your Mother’s Day plans with your mom and child, for the sake of DH and his kids. It’s not your problem if their mum changed plans and didn’t spend the day with them. It’s up to their dad to step up and spend time with them

Totally depends on your boundaries as a step parent. If dsc mother wants to do overtime then it's up to the dad to pick up the slack not you. Would they even have wanted to spend the day with you or your mum? Sounds like your dh was just grumpy because his childfree day got messed up, well tough because ultimately dsc is his kid not yours.

No I didn't that's his point and yes he was wanting to come too.

I'd already booked a table for me and my mum and child. Tbf I probably could have come straight home after but I didn't want to and it had abboyed me that he'd made a fuss and because I'm supposed to just lump it whenever his ex clicks her fingers at the last moment.

Step 👏 mothers 👏 aren't 👏 free 👏 childcare👏

You're absolutely fine. It's not your fault the kids mum couldn't be arsed with her. It would have been weirder for her to go and celebrate mother's day with you

Would they even have wanted to spend the day with you or your mum?

They do really like my parents so possibly but I know my mum was looking forward to it being us as well.