To have still gone out yesterday?

[KettleOFish]

I had a mother's day meal planned yesterday with my mum and my child.

DH was never going to come, but he didn't seen to mind, probably just happy to get some time to himself.

Until DSC ended up being with us yesterday. Their mum ended up doing some over time on Sunday so they came Sat night (didn't find out until Saturday) and stayed all day yesterday. Which is fine.

However, DH then expected me to want to spend the day with all the kids instead and was pissed off that I still went out with my mum and child and left them at home. I also went back to my mums after the meal for a while instead of going home (probably petty but it annoyed me that he expected me to change my plans).

He thinks I've been unreasonable not to do something that involved all DC on mothers day. I disagree as I already had plans and I just wanted to spend the day with my mum and my own child.

There's too much information missing. What ages are the children? How close are you all? How much time do you all spend together?

That is literally not what I implied:

But his kids should quite easily have understood that you already had plans and it was their plans that changed last minute.

What I mean by the rest of what I said is that's where I think it becomes a little more of a grey area, because his kids see you child going off for a meal when they didn't. Not that your child should have stayed at home at all, that's not what I said.

So the impression I get is that he didn't care what you did on mother's day, when it meant he got a day to himself. But as soon as it meant him having to solo parent his own child, all of a sudden he wanted to be included in your plans

DP would have seen it as an opportunity to spend the day with his dc, and would have started planning their day.

In our family we prioritise time spent with our own dc as well as collectively with our joint dc. I don't understand why it's so important to some people that you're all joined at the hip at all times and yet in families without step dc it would be fine for the parents to spend time with their dc separately.

You may not have meant it, but the implications of this sentence read differently to many of us...

Absolutely no way should your plans have changed, but I think that would be much easier to say if it was just you and your Mum without your DC.

Hints that OP should have made Mother's Day plans without her child. People will take issue with that, even if what you wrote isn't what you meant.

This would have been an issue if the dad was going too, but he wasn’t.

It’s the dad’s job to do something equally fun with his dc.

Like the thread about the dad wanting to go on holiday without his 4yo son, it’s a dad using his wife to give his sole dc family experiences without considering how it impacts his wife, their child and his wife’s mother.

He just didnt want to look after his own children alone.
They have a Mother. You are not it.

You have a Mother & Dc. Its your Mother's day, Enjoy your day

YANBU. He agreed to the change in plans for DSC which is his responsibility. Also - you'd not have been able to increase your booking on such a busy day anyway, so whether he would have wanted to come along with DSC to your meal is pretty irrelevant. Expecting you to cancel your plans instead would have obviously been unreasonable.

YANBU. You already had plans and DH had the opportunity for a 1:1 day with his child. No issue there at all in my opinion.

I would have expected DH to have come along if he wanted his children involved but it sounds as though he wanted you to provide childcare whilst he did what he wanted to do.

if he had said “can we all come” then yes maybe You’d be unreasonable to say no (but even in that case i personally think it’s okay, after all their mum chose to take the overtime)

but DH suggesting all the kids go whilst he puts his feet up on mother day? NO NO NO

He can look after his own kids, surely?! Lazy twat.

Ok well whichever way you want to look at it that's not what I meant at all. What I meant by the comment you've highlighted is that if it was OP and her Mum and he was trying to get her to stay in, 100% of the comments on here would have said as if! Because it's easier to say that when there's no kids involved. However, with kids involved it's not 100% of people, it's just most people. My comment literally meant exactly what it said, not any other meaning at all. Absolutely no way should OP have done mothers day without her child.

There’s no way they’d have been able to double the booking size anyway on Mothering Sunday.

OPs updates suggested he did all of a sudden want then all to do something together.

But she would have had to cancel the original plans as her table size couldn't be increased and it's nigh impossible to get a nice booking at the last minute on MD. Everywhere decent gets booked up in Feb. I couldn't even get a last minute table at a Hungry Horse yesterday until 19.45. So it would have meant either changing plans significantly for OP and her Mum or cancelling altogther and that's not on. She should be allowed to spoil her own Mum on MD.

Depends how old the children are? Seems like your own child got to go out for a meal and back to Grans but the other child was left out. That's very very mean.
I treat my Step Grandkids all the same
Just sure nastiness.. to teach your husband a lesson.. not considering the kids at all.

Crazy isn't it?
Disappointed both their own mother and their own child by cancelling a planned treat because, apparently, children's feelings are more important.
Just not your own child's feelings about the sudden cancellation of a nice treat with their mum and grandma.

It was supposed to be a treat for the OP’s mum. She was probably looking forward to some time with her child and her grandchild. Why should everyone have to compromise? The DSC have come to see their dad. He can take them out to do something nice and everyone would be happy. As a pp said, why would the DSC want to squeeze round a table for lunch with someone else’s gran? Surely they’d far rather do something they want with their dad?

My parents aren't their grandparents, they don't have that relationship although they do get on.

@Moier not everything has to be about the preferences of children, either one's own or other peoples's.
These kids aren't being treated badly, they just weren't included in the IP's pre existing plans. They were with their dad and perfectly fine.

Adults are allowed to do things just for themselves sometimes!

Oh, wise up. She didn't do it to teach her husband a lesson she stuck to her plans that were clearly made in advance.

Their actual parents are the ones who didn't consider their kids. Why are you not commenting on how 'mean' it was of the mother to chose work over her kids on mothers day?
The onus was on the DH to arranged something fun for the kids. He could have easily done something with the kids, he didn't need to keep them at home as they watched OP and child go out. If he had have said we are going to get McDonalds and go bowling/cinema/ice skating whatever they definitely wouldn't have felt hard done by.

THIS!!

sums it up perfectly

@Moier

what if there were no extra space at the restaurant? should they all have just stayed home do you think?

The reason you had to change what you were doing is because there was a child who needed to be loved and welcomed.

That's not some reason. It is the most important reason there is.

Of course you were unreasonable. It is unreasonable to be petty. It was unreasonable to be annoyed. You don't have the guts to blame the mother but you are prepared to hurt the daughter.

@Moier

oh and what about op’s mum who was presumably looking forward to a trip out too?

maybe op should have had everyone round to her house and cooked for everyone and then drove them all home?

You had a perfect excuse, you had already booked a table. If that wasn't the case then it would be more difficult. Sorry dss mum so financially struggling had to work on mother's day. Did she do something with dss when he got back to her?