To have still gone out yesterday?

[KettleOFish]

I had a mother's day meal planned yesterday with my mum and my child.

DH was never going to come, but he didn't seen to mind, probably just happy to get some time to himself.

Until DSC ended up being with us yesterday. Their mum ended up doing some over time on Sunday so they came Sat night (didn't find out until Saturday) and stayed all day yesterday. Which is fine.

However, DH then expected me to want to spend the day with all the kids instead and was pissed off that I still went out with my mum and child and left them at home. I also went back to my mums after the meal for a while instead of going home (probably petty but it annoyed me that he expected me to change my plans).

He thinks I've been unreasonable not to do something that involved all DC on mothers day. I disagree as I already had plans and I just wanted to spend the day with my mum and my own child.

You absolutely did the right thing. Sounds like dh didn’t want to spend time alone with his own children.

This is why I couldn't have a blended family.

When he decided not to go in the first place, did he worry about hurting the OP's feelings?
I suspect not.

And it's okay to want to do something with your own mum and not include your partner. Particularly when he just wants to come because he cba to look after his own dc without help!
Couples don't need to be joined at the hip 24/7.

It would have been a great opportunity for him to do something with his child. Why do some men only want to do things when their partner is there too? He expected you to drop your own mum on Mother’s Day as his child came, sorry but no I wouldn’t have changed either.

No YANBU!

You already had plans, presumably you booked the restaurant, and as it's Mother's Day I doubt you would have been able to increase the number of people coming at the last minute.

I think if you've already got plans that's fair enough and DH should have taken them out

Glad you kept your plans. Yanbu
He didn't want to be alone with kids when he had a quiet day planned.
Wanted you to help look after them.
Typical
Lazy
Seen it for years with various friends DH etc

Interesting how a lot of blended families are so devisive.

Marry somone but can't be bothered much about his/her kids.

I knew I couldn't be a step parent, so didn't date anyone with kids.

Why put yourself in that position if not interested in the kids.

But the dad and DSC were all going to go not just loading the DSC on to the OP

So he didn’t want to come when it was just you and your child but when he has to have his alone suddenly he fancies it 🤔

Hello OP
You did the right thing. Mother's Day is the one day in the whole year that Mums get fussed over and prioritised.
You treated your Mum (correct priority) to a lovely meal out with her daughter and grandchild. As a Mum yourself, you also deserved a lovely day out on this day.

DP could have easily made it up to SC with an alternative treat/outing, but chose not to - and this is his decision and he cannot blame you for this. It is absolutely not fair to expect you to change plans with your Mum just because his Ex had to work. I would not give it a second thought.

Maybe OP's mum just wanted to spend time with her dd and dgd on Mother's Day.

And step children don't pick the situation they are put in!

If the OP had something like tickets to a Peppa Pig Afternoon Tea, with her Mother and Daughter on Mothers day... would people still think she should have included her step children?

Typical lazy man. Just wants to palm all the work of his kids onto you...under the guise of mother's day.

Their dad can do something nice with them!

It's not about Stepmum not being bothered with their partners kids. It's that Mr lazy dad doesn't want to have to actually do the work involved in actually parenting his own children and is annoyed when his wife doesn't play ball like he wants her too. That's the issue as I see it.

I don't disagree, I just think to include step children can have so many positives especially on a day like mothers day.

Unlike their own mother did, you mean?

It’s not mean at all, if their dad actually did something nice with them they would have had an awesome day. He didn’t bother.

This. No need for OP to change plans.

Surely if your DSC is your DSC then you have a mothering role towards her & your parents are expected to treat her as part of their family too? For me anything else is unreasonable.

you should have at least tried to change the booking from 3 to 5 people, and if that was not possible should have asked about changing it to 4 people & offer to your DSC to come.

they must have felt pretty rejected on Mother’s Day with their own mum unable to spend time with them & their step mum deciding that she just didn’t want to. It’s not very motherly.

Nope @EmeraldA129 OP is NOT their mother. But obviously this is MN where is you try to mother your step-children you are overstepping, and if you don't, you're neglectful.

And if they felt rejected, that was their own mum's fault.

Nope, she is not their mum, but I strongly believe if you enter a relationship with someone that has children then they come as a package deal & therefore she does have a mothering role. Why is she referring to DSC if she is not a Step-Mum?

If I was single I would never accept a man into my life that didn’t fully accept my DD & treat them in exactly the same way as any other children in our home & I would always do the same in return. It is only my opinion, but it is a valid one. Sorry you disagree but the op is looking for opinions & this is mine.

You're fine to have your opinion, but unless you have been a step-mum or in a blended family you have absolutely no idea what you are talking about.