To have still gone out yesterday?

[KettleOFish]

I had a mother's day meal planned yesterday with my mum and my child.

DH was never going to come, but he didn't seen to mind, probably just happy to get some time to himself.

Until DSC ended up being with us yesterday. Their mum ended up doing some over time on Sunday so they came Sat night (didn't find out until Saturday) and stayed all day yesterday. Which is fine.

However, DH then expected me to want to spend the day with all the kids instead and was pissed off that I still went out with my mum and child and left them at home. I also went back to my mums after the meal for a while instead of going home (probably petty but it annoyed me that he expected me to change my plans).

He thinks I've been unreasonable not to do something that involved all DC on mothers day. I disagree as I already had plans and I just wanted to spend the day with my mum and my own child.

YANBU. Why should you have to jump and change plans just because your husband (who didn’t even care enough to attend your original Mother’s Day meal) says so.

he was miffed because he had to look after his child and didnt want to do it alone. You were right to stick to your guns.

Tricky one - thinking from the children's perspective you really send a message that they are not wanted

However the dad has sent a worse message - his response should have been " ah brilliant @KettleOFish is out today with her mum and dd so we can just have some time together - just us - what shall we do "

I agree!
Nothing wrong with saying 'wife is out with her mum and dc today, they had it planned already no knowing you'd be here, but this is great it means we can have a special daddy and child day today, what shall we do? Cinema? Farm trip? Theme park?'

Please get over yourself! She didn't 'whisk' herself away. Your choice of words show what a bitter person you are. She merely stuck to her plans. Why should OP change her plans? The purpose is for mothers and their children to be together so that's what op did. Clearly bitter as you would rather take issue with Op rather than her own father who was probably too lazy to do something with his child and needed op there.

Am pleased you stuck to your original plans - so many women end up cancelling what they want to do, in order to appease their cheeky fucker husbands!
I would also have gone to my mum's afterwards.

Mother's Day is for you to spend with your child and your mum - it would be totally unfair on her to change the dynamic of the day because someone who is a total stranger to her, decided to do overtime!

Nothing stopping your h from doing something nice with his own kids.

I'd think he had a point if your step dc lived with you full time and had no mum of their own in their lives, but since they do, it's not your responsibility to help your h mind them, when you already have plans.

Your h is taking the piss.

The DSc's mother is taking the piss.

And so is your DH.

He should have said no.

That's an entire assumption on your part. Nothing OP has said indicates the kids were annoyed but DH was. Anyone with an ounce of common sense could have easily taken them out for lunch and to the cinema or something. Sounds like he just wanted an easier life.

Instead of patronising OP why don't you question why not hold their actual parents to the same standard? Why didn't step up and do something fun with them? Why did their mother chose not to spend the day with her kids?

lol this boils down to your DH not wanting to parent his children on his own - simple as that.

As he was more than happy to have some alone time before no?

He could have taken his children out himself and had some lunch with them - he could have easily dressed it up as it's a shame mum had to work and step mum is out with her mother too but lucky me as I get to have you all to myself!

So he was happy to have time to himself until his kid was there. At which point he wanted you to cancel your Mother's Day plans and rearrange them so you could also parent his child.

Nah he can fuck off with that.

You were being entirely reasonable OP, your husband not so much.
Hope you had a lovely day with your mother and child

Reading posts on MN it seems to be that Dsc always seem to be the priority and step mum is expected to drop all pre arranged plans to accommodate them to the detriment of her own DC, while the DH sits on his arse complaining that he actually has to parent his own kids 😡

Those who are saying you should have invited DSC - I don't know where you are, but in my part of the UK there is no way places would accept three extra heads on Mothers' Day. It gets rammed everywhere and booked well in advance!

Hahahaha, well done OP for sticking to your boundaries.

Shock horror, poor man had to suddenly look after his own dc because all the women decided to do something they wanted to do on Mothers Day. I'm pleased your own mother got her wish of spending time with her child and granchild.

Does your DH no longer have his own mother as he could have taken his dc to see her.

Your choice of words show what a bitter person you are. She merely stuck to her plans. Why should OP change her plans? The purpose is for mothers and their children to be together so that's what op did. Clearly bitter
@Ariona Give over - you think you have me sussed on that post
You have no idea
Bitter? That is pathetic

He's dreaming if he thinks any restaurant can accommodate three extra covers at the last minute!

The two days a restaurant is guaranteed to be full are Valentine's evening and Mother's Day lunchtime.

I remember Gordon Ramsay saying "any restaurant that isn't full for those two services should shut down now, they're never going to survive financially if they can't fully book the big two."

So it doesn't matter what he "thinks" you should have done, you had reservations and you kept them. He's a twit.

I think it was pretty mean of you not to let them come for lunch. You didn't even try and ring restaurant to see if they could accommodate the extra two.
Seems a bit mean spirited to me generally

You had your own plans in place, tough shit.

Up to him to entertain his kids.

Because admittedly I was looking forward to just spending the day with mum and DC.

I probably could have come home earlier than I did admittedly but it had annoyed me that a day that I'd planned turned into an argument because his ex decided last minute she wasn't having DSC so for some reason that means I have to change what I'm doing.

Your DH could have easily had a nice afternoon with his child watching films and ordering pizza, but he preferred to try and make you feel bad.
Yanbu.

This depends completely on his reasoning which only you will know op. Everyone on this thread hasn't got enough info and is projecting from their own experience from either way.

Either.

1. Does he always expect you to parent his kids. Is that what's about? If so, then he joins the many men who actually don't want partnerships, they just want sex and childcare, and don't care particularly which female does it.

Or

1. Is he actually a good guy, who was thinking about his children missing out on Mother's Day, because their own mother had to work, so he wanted to ensure they weren't sad about it.

Let's face it, it's probably 1.

But also op, you have twice blamed their mother for working. I expect your partner is trying to deflect to her too. But it's not her. It's entirely him. Assuming 1.

He wasn’t interested in coming when he had the entire day to himself to do what he liked.
Then suddenly had to entertain a kid by himself for the afternoon, and what do you know! He wants to come and be involved in your plans which he had NO interest in before.
YANBU.

I'm not blaming their mum, it just annoys me that her working at the last minute to DH means I should have to change what I'm doing.

I'm not left to parent his kids though no.

Their step-mum’s mother!

Seriously, what child is deeply disappointed to spend Mother’s Day at home with their dad, instead of having lunch with somebody else’s gran? No child ever.

YANBU.

You're not their parent, it's not your job to change your plans last minute.

He's just pissed because you didn't look after them Z