Is being well-presented as a child important

[JulesLl]

For context I have 2 boys, 3 and 5, SIL has 3 girls 2, 4 and 6.

Today MIL, SIL and I went out for lunch. SIL lives in a village, her husband is deputy head of a private school in the village and they get 75% discount on each of the children's fees, she doesn't work.
A lady came over to chat to us while we were eating and keep complimenting her on how "well turned out" her girls are everyday, how it is rare to see and speaks volumes about her parenting.
Her girls go to the type of school where they have wool coats, felt hats and tartan pinafores. She also does her older twos hair in 2 perfect French plaits everyday with ribbons on the end! Her girls will be frequently seen in lovely smock dresses and Mary Jane shoes like something from call the midwife!
They do get dirty but she seems to do a remarkable job of making sure they are perfectly presented. Including perfectly white tennis clothes for their lessons!!
On the other hand, my boys go to state school, polo and sweatshirt type place. Their clothes are always clean at the start of the day but I don't think they look particularly smart, DS1 finds a way to look scruffy no matter what. I don't really care, they are kids. Weekends are joggers and tees.
Whenever MIL has them she puts them in smart clothes, especially if it's a day out with the cousins. They will all go to national trust houses with the girls in dresses and she will put the boys in chinos and polos.
MIL continued the conversation after the lady moved on, saying she agrees and she loves how pretty they always look and her dream was always to have little blonde granddaughters in lovely dresses. She then joked my boys could do with taking a leaf out of their book.
It got me thinking, is it important for kids to be well presented? Especially just for everyday things like school? Are your kids like this or more like mine and scruffy?
AIBU to wonder if I'm letting my kids down not putting more effort into their appearance?

No it's not important, let kids be kids, they sound like something out of a Roald dahl book

No I don't think it's that important. And I think its fine for SIL to do that if she wants to. I also think it's easier for girls to look like this as how their hair looks/pretty socks/and so on. Much harder to do that with a boy.

Sadly I think this mostly comes down to a girl/boy thing. People love to comment on how pretty little girls look all the time. Whereas boys get strong/brave/adventurous etc etc.

Yes it is important. Children have a sense of pride, they know when they are well and thoughtfully dressed, on days out you take pics and they last as memories.

Look to the continentals for well dressed kids!

I knew kids like this. I bumped into one of them 10 years later (so 16ish years of age) and she was a full-on goth with dyed black bob, severe fringe, black eyeliner, countless piercings and enormous steel toe capped boots

It's important to some people and that's fine. It's not important to me personally.

I would suggest that being 'appropriately presented' is more important.

School uniform (whatever version it is) for school, joggers/hoodies for being out and about, sports kits for sports, smarter clothes for family events, weddings, posh meals etc.

Clean clothes, regularly showered and occasionally a hair brush works most of the time (with maybe a bit more effort for a more formal occasion).

The fact that it is "rare to see" indicates that it's not important to most people.

Well cared for and loved children have a 'shine' factor that very sadly uncared for or neglected children don't but its a huge spectrum. I don't think she was criticising just commenting. I actively try to pay more attention to children who look slightly neglected. That doesn't mean grubby kids though some kids can get grubby if you blink.

It depends what is meant by well-presented.

If you mean impeccably groomed and dressed up at all times then no we are not that sort of family.

But I'd say DC are well-presented because they are clean and dressed appropriately for whatever we're doing that day, just like me and DH. I'd not wear my scruffy allotment clothes out for coffee with friends and similar applies to DC with their messy playwear. We dress appropriately for the weather and the activities.

Depends what you think is important. Mine goes to school in a suit but hates it. Loves shorts and t. But mine always get grubby so lovely clothes are great but end up ruined. I was blonde child and mum dressed me up but I loved paint and mud!

The only kids I know that are always very well presented, are also not allowed to get dirty, which inevitably hampers how they play/learn. I prefer mine to be comfortable, able to properly play at a park, jump in a puddle, climb a tree etc etc If it's a family party or wedding, christening etc etc then they would be appropriately dressed and Id do my best to keep them looking 'presentable' but definitely not for every day, just sounds a bit sad for them (and only in the best interests of the adults, not for the kids)

I like my children to be clean and appropriately dressed. They always smell nice, their hair is always clean and their nails trimmed. They brush their teeth and wipe faces and hands before we go out. They are always dressed appropriately. My oldest likes his adidas tracksuit, my middle isn’t really fussed and my daughter loves dresses and tights. I think you can tell when a child is well cared for.

Not in the least important.

But that won't stop people who think it is important from judging.

Both mine have chewed the sleeves of their jumpers and the collars of their school polos into a frayed mess. It looks shit but it is what it is. I'm not replacing stuff if they are going to keep chewing it.

DS likes to live in joggers and football tops, DD would wear a sparkly party dress every day if she could. I battle her into jeans and dungarees occasionally so she looks more practical but try not to otherwise interfere.

Ds 10 goes to a normal primary.I make sure his shirts are bright white and his clothes are clean each day.I can't bear to see greying whites.

Clean hair and teeth. Non holey clothes.. Job done imo.
Dc should be raised to take pride in their appearance to a point..

It’s not important but I do like mine to look fairly smart. Hair is always done/styled and casual clothes are fine but they’re always clean and ironed. DS would wear a polo shirt/chinos if we were going for dinner.

Please tell me how you manage it! I very strict with my white washing but still polos seem to end up less than brilliant white!

Some of the nicest kids I ever met were home schooled. They never wore matching clothes and more often their hair hadn’t been brushed but, my God, the kindness and emotional maturity they showed was amazing

what values you want them to have? Always looking well presented on being kind, judging others for their behaviour and not their appearance?

My kids are massively scruffy. I have made it a thing to encourage them to be smarter. I want to say it doesn’t matter, but in reality, especially above a certain age I do think appearance matter and I think appearance can change how people perceive you (rightly or wrongly).

I think there is a balance. Kids don’t have to be perfect but I think having a basic standard, especially for certain situations, is a good thing.

my son refuses to wear any trousers that aren’t joggers outside of school. It’s a nightmare but luckily we haven’t had any weddings or similar events. Im
hoping as he gets older and interest in jeans might come.

Well I’ve tried but mine always manage to get filthy in about ten seconds 😂 can your SIL share her secrets?

I always say they start the day looking smart and clean and that’s what matters.

my littlest does go to nursery in clean but stained clothes because they always come home covered in paint etc anyway so I’m not going to ruin more clothes than necessary

I've always felt it important for the kids to be well presented when the leave the house in the morning but what happens after that doesn't matter. If they are look disheveled by tea time then that's fine. My kids are scruffy but I always make sure they leave the house in the morning well presented

It’s not important unless you are the insecure type who thrives on compliments from others. Does your SIL spend time and money on her personal grooming too and see her kids as an extension of her?

It will be interesting to see what happens to the girls at secondary. I wouldn’t be surprised if they wanted to be like others and wear the opposite to what they wear now.

Appropriate clothing is what is needed. If my kids ended the day scruffy and needing a good bath, it meant it had been a good day.

I'm wondering, though, OP, does your MIL have a stash of spare chinos and polo shirts for your boys?