Is being well-presented as a child important

[JulesLl]

For context I have 2 boys, 3 and 5, SIL has 3 girls 2, 4 and 6.

Today MIL, SIL and I went out for lunch. SIL lives in a village, her husband is deputy head of a private school in the village and they get 75% discount on each of the children's fees, she doesn't work.
A lady came over to chat to us while we were eating and keep complimenting her on how "well turned out" her girls are everyday, how it is rare to see and speaks volumes about her parenting.
Her girls go to the type of school where they have wool coats, felt hats and tartan pinafores. She also does her older twos hair in 2 perfect French plaits everyday with ribbons on the end! Her girls will be frequently seen in lovely smock dresses and Mary Jane shoes like something from call the midwife!
They do get dirty but she seems to do a remarkable job of making sure they are perfectly presented. Including perfectly white tennis clothes for their lessons!!
On the other hand, my boys go to state school, polo and sweatshirt type place. Their clothes are always clean at the start of the day but I don't think they look particularly smart, DS1 finds a way to look scruffy no matter what. I don't really care, they are kids. Weekends are joggers and tees.
Whenever MIL has them she puts them in smart clothes, especially if it's a day out with the cousins. They will all go to national trust houses with the girls in dresses and she will put the boys in chinos and polos.
MIL continued the conversation after the lady moved on, saying she agrees and she loves how pretty they always look and her dream was always to have little blonde granddaughters in lovely dresses. She then joked my boys could do with taking a leaf out of their book.
It got me thinking, is it important for kids to be well presented? Especially just for everyday things like school? Are your kids like this or more like mine and scruffy?
AIBU to wonder if I'm letting my kids down not putting more effort into their appearance?

I don't think it's all a private / state school thing. Some of it is a boy / girl thing. Some of it to do with parenting preference. I only had 1 DS, worked full time and it was always important to me. But we're all different.

My boys are definitely on the scruffy side. They're sports mad so outside kicking a ball every chance they get and have the muddy shoes and clothes to show for it.
I would love to have the well turned out kids I see around me because to me it indicates a really organised house. We're always rushing out the door with kids , I'm simply not organised enough to have time to devote to this ( I'd love to)

Well looked after - important
Overly groomed occasionally - Nice
Overly groomed all the time - very sad

Oh and I also have to add that imho boys in joggers is just awful. Horrible to see out of the house.

I think it's important the kids know how to be well groomed and the times when it matters (weddings), when it's a nice thing to do (special family dinner) and when it's upto them (everything else). Its also important to explain dress codes and give lessons on ironing. After that I leave it to them to decide and use own judgement.

And what should boys and men be wearing on their lower extremities, according to you? Nicely pressed chinos? Spray-on skinnies? Kilts? The kind of slacks they advertise in the back of Sunday supplements?

Children should be in clean comfortable clothes at the beginning of the day.
If there's paint/ mud/ food on them at the end of the day it's been a good day.
They're meant to be playing and learning - They're not dress up dolls.

Children should be clean and in clean and activity appropriate clothing, but brands and such do not matter.
That said, yes, above a certain age I do think it’s important for children to learn the importance of maintaining a presentable appearance, both boys and girls.
I am shocked at some of the clothing some young adults consider “smart, office attire” and what they show up to interviews in. A job interviewer IS judging how you present yourself, as are most people you meet on some unconscious level.
A smart, turned out appearance (and not standing out for the wrong reasons!) can also directly impact self confidence. Whether it’s that when you look good, you feel good, or whether you are being treated more favourably by others that in turn boosts your confidence, but I don’t think it’s a bad thing to take some level of pride in your appearance. It would never harm your career at the very least.

What about for those with sensory issues?
My DS6 refuses jeans because he doesn't like the feel of them, he tolerates joggers and shorts!

I have an aunt and a friend who both put a lot of effort into their dc being well turned out. I would say I did a better job at it when I only had 2 dc. By time 3rd and 4th arrived...well my standards have slipped.

But I also always let my dc be kids. They may have hair nice and tidy, ironed clothes etc., but they are also found in big puddles, having a whale of a time with mud pies and aren't under pressure to stay clean etc.

I dress my DD’s in Mary Jane’s and pretty dresses etc. I always have comments on how beautifully dressed they are and suchlike.

But gawd, the ironing. The laundry. All these frills and ribbons take a lot of looking after, it’s tiring and tedious. So, to balance it, there are days when we aren’t going anywhere I let the kids go feral. Honestly, they are stigs of the dump. Food in hair, naked, dirty. Yep.

It depends on the teen. My dd has always been concerned about her appearance. She’d rather miss the school bus than have anything less than perfect makeup. A couple of months ago she was on FaceTime to a friend and the friend’s grandma asked why she was talking to an Instagram influencer. Friend was like , that’s ‘littledragon’. Edit - to add friend is a couple of years younger. Almost all of dd’s friends wear loads of makeup and take hours to get ready. Dd is 15 but even when 12/13, she took pride in her appearance, the same as when she was little.

Don't you have play clothes @Sako81 I never ironed these for starters.

My oldest used to bite holes in his school jumper collar, he has stopped now but the middle has taken over lol 🤦🏻‍♀️

Mine wear whatever is comfortable, and often dress themselves, so it's not exactly coordinating, but their clothes are clean and in good condition.
My daughter's hair is fine but curly and a bit wild looking 🙈

She does love sparkly princesses clothes but also her favourite jumper is a grey Minecraft one! Son will not entertain anything except joggers, he's all about comfort, and to be honest so am I!

Why? Are girls in joggers okay? What about if you're out running or playing in a park or doing sport?

I’m not sure wearing loads of make up and taking hours to get ready is where the bar for ‘caring about your appearance’ should be for girls. Especially if she’d rather miss the bus and be late for school than have her make up be not whatever the latest SM trend is.

I’d view that as a problem if it were my teen.

That's so odd. Do boys not play sport or run around outside the house? What do they wear if they are going on a walk or go on the beach? I think this might be relevant if you lived in a city but what about boys who live in the countryside where who cares what they wear as long as they are warm and waterproof. Or what about the boys that like wrestling their brothers...elasticated waists essential...

@Walkingwashingmachine - I don’t have joggers for my 4 year old. Until now he’s worn woolen leggings in winter, or lined elastic cords or similar. In summer regular leggings, cotton loose comfy trousers, shorts. All with elastic so easy on and off. In winter he always has rain dungarees over top at nursery or with us on wet muddy days out, or snow trouser sagen really cold ( it’s snows more where we live)

For my boys everything changed when they got older. Peer pressure is a wonderful thing! Trackie bots will be your world!!

You sound like you might be in Scandinavia where I know the kids wear wool leggings inside when they are little which I always thought was a good idea and did when my boys were 4 too! As did I when I was little!

@Walkingwashingmachine - yes possibly. Just showing that joggers don’t equal no playing outside. Ds is at forest school and in mud half his life, and seems fine without so far. I don’t know many teens so I can’t say really what they wear, but I think from walking around most teens wear Jeans, not joggers here.

Tbh I haven’t actually really seen joggers for small children in local shops, so it’s never really occurred to me to buy. You can obviously buy teen/ adult sizes in sport shops which are branded like Nike, adidas, but they are expensive for toddler and small child. Supermarkets don’t sell clothes here like they do in Uk.

Yes when my boys were 4 as I mentioned in a previous post, I dressed them in cords, fair Isle sweaters and gorgeous check shirts. They looked lovely! And cords are very functional for outdoor use. Until they clock that their dad also wears them and no one at school does...so enjoy it while you can!!!

@Caspianberg I also didn't mean to say that no joggers means no playing outside. I was responding to the previous poster who said that she doesn't like boys wearing joggers outside the house. Which I think an odd statement. So we may be at cross purposes.

Anyway my boys are big teens now and still love looking as scruffy as they can although there are signs of improvement. And one day of course they will be back in those cords....

You seem to be rather proud of what sounds like teenage anxiety about her unadorned appearance, rather than ‘pride’, if she would really rather miss the bus to school rather than not have ‘perfect makeup’? I think most parents would find that concerning. Maybe consider what you are teaching her about what constitutes ‘pride in your appearance’.

I find it interesting how lots of adults who were left to be scruffy as children now say they felt shame and embarrassment about it.

I think there's a time and a place for scruffy but I also think children notice when they stand out from their peers.

Like everything in life it's about balance. IMO kids should look well-presented at formal occasions, smart-ish for school and whatever they like at the weekend.

I do plait my daughter's hair every morning but that is mainly to avoid nits!

I suppose it's whatever your definition of "scruffy" is, which is subjective. Some.people think its wearing joggers outside the house and some people define it as being uncared for and unkempt which is more serious and may well damage people as adults.