My partner doesn’t want to meet my son

[MintWasp]

Looking for advice on starting new relationships with children involved.

I’m a divorced mum of a 5 year old boy, who I share custody of.

Fairly recently, 6 months ago, I started a relationship with someone who lives abroad. They are open to moving country and say they like children.

Since we started dating we’ve seen each other 5/6 times for long weekends and we talk every day. We also work together.

We’ve exchanged the love word and are both talking about trying to build our relationship. However my partner doesn’t want to meet my son yet, and says it’s too soon. I would like them to meet but would introduce my partner as mummy’s friend. Nothing serious.

We’ve both said we want to spend more time together and there is no barrier on my side, apart from that I have my son half of the time. My partner lives and works abroad away from home, and often spends weekends alone or travelling back to their home country when I’m not available. I’ve invited them to come and stay a few times when I’ve had my son with me and they’ve refused. I find this hard as I want to be together no matter what.

I feel like if this continues much longer I’ll have to end the relationship. I want to be with someone who accepts me as a mum and enjoys spending time with my son.

Am I being unreasonable in wanting this to change? Is it too soon? Or is this a red flag?

Thank you for listening 🙏🏼

I would also say it is too early, I agree with him

Too early. Agree with him.

6 months of a part time relationship is way too early.

Definitely too early. 6 months is nothing. Your relationship might be in a completely different place in 6 months.

Your partner is right - you’ve only had 5/6 long weekends. If this relationship is forever then revisiting the issue in 6 month time won’t do any harm.

Honestly, I think you’re the red flag.

And just to add I am in a relationship with someone who also has DC.

We waited 2 years before meeting each others kids and we have waited 6 years to look at moving together.

Blending families and adding new partners is a massive decision not to be taken lightly.

It is too soon. You hardly know this bloke, but he seems sensible in this respect.

You’ve only met up in person 5-6 times and you aren’t happy that he doesn’t feel ready to meet your 5 year old son? 🙄

He’s absolutely right.

Six months is an bit early, but I would expect it to be fairly soon, eg in the next few months. Otherwise you could end up investing a lot of time in this relationship only to find out that it isn't going to work (if he doesn't get on with your son). Can he give you some idea of when he's expecting it to happen?

I would say the red flag is waving from your side. Too much too soon.

It's great he doesn’t want to meet your son, because this is not yet a partnership. You’re still getting to know each other, so it’s sensible he delays this until he’s confident it will actually go somewhere.

You've only seen each other six times since you started dating.

Of course it's early - way, way too early.

Is this really going to work given the distance involved? I'd go against the grain and say that he doesn't really see a future with you.

I agree with him. If he lives abroad, how much time have you spent with him in the 6 months you've been 'together'?

Edited to say I've just seen you've seen him 5/6 times?! Are you mad thinking about introducing him to your son? Maybe wait until he decides if he actually wants to move to your country and go from there

I dont think 6 months is early, but I do think 5-6 times is early.

He’s absolutely right and very sensible (assuming it’s a he as you’ve been deliberately vague about that).

You're the red flag, love. You are trying to move way, way too fast.

I agree with others, it's way too early to introduce your son.

You've only seen him 5 or 6 times so , in reality, you're not even in a proper relationship.

Well done to him for watching out for your son. He is right it is way way too soon and that it before you take in the fact that it is a part time relationship.

You've met 5/6 times. He's right, it's too soon

I say he's smart enough to know that they barely know each other, and he's sensible enough to know it's far, far too soon to involve a small child.

You're pushing the introduction so you can get deeper into your relationship. That is the wrong priority. You need to take your time and see if the relationship has legs first before you even think of introducing them. Your son comes first.

I agree it's too early. DP considered meeting DD to be the ultimate commitment and didn't want to do it until we were both 100% sure. He was ready after about 9 months, I waited until about 11 months. And that was with us living close to each other and seeing each other at least twice a week.

Also, he's not your "partner". He's a bloke you've had 5 or 6 dates with.

Big red flag 🚩 stating a man you’ve seen 5 or 6 times is your partner… that’s a bit bonkers.