My partner doesn’t want to meet my son

[MintWasp]

Looking for advice on starting new relationships with children involved.

I’m a divorced mum of a 5 year old boy, who I share custody of.

Fairly recently, 6 months ago, I started a relationship with someone who lives abroad. They are open to moving country and say they like children.

Since we started dating we’ve seen each other 5/6 times for long weekends and we talk every day. We also work together.

We’ve exchanged the love word and are both talking about trying to build our relationship. However my partner doesn’t want to meet my son yet, and says it’s too soon. I would like them to meet but would introduce my partner as mummy’s friend. Nothing serious.

We’ve both said we want to spend more time together and there is no barrier on my side, apart from that I have my son half of the time. My partner lives and works abroad away from home, and often spends weekends alone or travelling back to their home country when I’m not available. I’ve invited them to come and stay a few times when I’ve had my son with me and they’ve refused. I find this hard as I want to be together no matter what.

I feel like if this continues much longer I’ll have to end the relationship. I want to be with someone who accepts me as a mum and enjoys spending time with my son.

Am I being unreasonable in wanting this to change? Is it too soon? Or is this a red flag?

Thank you for listening 🙏🏼

Well it's good he has your child's best interests at heart even if you don't.

In his shoes, I'd find you very off-putting and wouldn't take it any further with you.

I know! It's not only unreasonable but ridiculous to describe this man as your "partner".

I agree with him. It's way too soon also spending an entire weekend with your son in his home as stranger is not a suitable first introduction.

Also he is not your partner he's your boyfriend, you're dating and live in different counties and he has not even met your son yet (and rightly so). You are no where near being partners.

It's not to say that you will not, but you may or may not. Just relax and enjoy it and let it see where it goes.

This really speaks the truth. Instead of rushing to play families stop and think. No one knows anyone after 6 dates spread out over 6 months. He could be abusive or worse. Now lucky for you he's done the right thing and put the brakes to this so I doubt he is bad. But keep this in mind for the next one as I think this one will run and rightly so. It's lonely yes but your child comes first.

You want to introduce your son to someone you barely know. Are you batshit? If I were him, I’d view you as a red flag. It’s been 6 months! And you’re long distance… give a good think here.

Six months is way too soon, especially when you’ve only met him five times.

It’s a sad day when a stranger is looking out for your child’s interests more than you are.

The red flag here is YOU @MintWasp

you don’t know this bloke at all! Cool your jets and think of your safety and your dc safety.

I did actually dump someone I was seeing because he kept trying to get me to meet his ds.

Bet he's met everyone in your household though hasn't he 🧐

😄

If they've only seen each other 5 or 6 times, then it isn't really 6 months, more like the equivalent is about 3 or 4 weeks.

This made me laugh out loud 🤣

What did?

I’m really glad I posted this because the resounding advice is that I’m a maniac! 😂
And I need to ask the question of myself, why am I trying to rush things. And also reconsider what’s good for my son. I find it really hard to take relationships slowly. That’s obviously something I need to work on. Thanks for all the straight up advice and feedback. And to the person who said they’ve known their builder longer, that made me really laugh. I’m off to therapy 😂

Well you've just confirmed what I suspected from your OP 🙄

Someone posted that they’d known their builder longer. I accidentally hit “add post” instead of “quote”.

🤣 how would you describe this relationship milestone?

A very measured and thoughtful response OP. Well done for taking all our comments on board and good luck with the outcome.

Or they could be non-binary. But they’re not. You’re right, they’re a woman. Didn’t know if it would affect people’s thoughts about it. But I don’t think so.

Well done OP! Good luck with everything

Loved this 😂 although mortifying for me, made me laugh.

Makes zero difference! It's still way too soon!
Well done for taking on board feedback and hope this relationship does work out

I’ve invited them to come and stay a few times when I’ve had my son with me and they’ve refused. I find this hard as I want to be together no matter what

You are the red flag here OP.

I think you hit the nail on the head there. It’s lonely. Wonder if that’s why im rushing things? Thanks for the advice.

I think you've misread @KomodoOhno 's post.