My partner doesn’t want to meet my son

[MintWasp]

Looking for advice on starting new relationships with children involved.

I’m a divorced mum of a 5 year old boy, who I share custody of.

Fairly recently, 6 months ago, I started a relationship with someone who lives abroad. They are open to moving country and say they like children.

Since we started dating we’ve seen each other 5/6 times for long weekends and we talk every day. We also work together.

We’ve exchanged the love word and are both talking about trying to build our relationship. However my partner doesn’t want to meet my son yet, and says it’s too soon. I would like them to meet but would introduce my partner as mummy’s friend. Nothing serious.

We’ve both said we want to spend more time together and there is no barrier on my side, apart from that I have my son half of the time. My partner lives and works abroad away from home, and often spends weekends alone or travelling back to their home country when I’m not available. I’ve invited them to come and stay a few times when I’ve had my son with me and they’ve refused. I find this hard as I want to be together no matter what.

I feel like if this continues much longer I’ll have to end the relationship. I want to be with someone who accepts me as a mum and enjoys spending time with my son.

Am I being unreasonable in wanting this to change? Is it too soon? Or is this a red flag?

Thank you for listening 🙏🏼

You're waving a big red flag, yes. It's far too soon.

Also the relationship sounds like a non-starter. You've got the commitment of a child (not a barrier!) and this dude lives abroad. As it stands, you've chosen an option you'll have to work hard at as there are extra complications. But that's what you've picked for yourselves. The answer is not to introduce your child to him.

We’ve exchanged the love word

FFS, are you 12?

He's trying to get to know you, why should he want to meet your son yet?

You've met him 5 or 6 times

Because of the pronouns used in the OP's first (and only) post, I think 'my partner' may be a woman. Not that it makes any difference to the narrative.

you are coming in far too strong. This is a person you are dating. Not your partner.

it works in a bubble - you haven’t spent a lot of time together and your relationship might not withstand the test of the real world.

Your boyfriend/girlfriend is right to our off meeting your son. It’s clealry too early.

This is a bloke you have met a few times, not a partner. Why on earth are you even thinking of letting him meet your child ? This is real life not a fairytale.

I’ve had a partner with kids and six months was way too early. I saw his insistence in us meeting so early as a major red flag and held out for a lot longer. You’re still in the starry-eyed phase, you’ve no idea what he’s really like to be with if he’s travelling so much, even if you do work together and look, just chill out, you have plenty of time to explore this relationship before bringing your son’s young and very vulnerable emotional attachments into it.

On the plus side, I think your guy sounds like he has a sound head on his shoulders and he appears to be good at setting and maintaining appropriate boundaries, despite pressure from a new girlfriend. So, you’ve learned that, I guess?

Too soon. Ridiculously so, in fact I wonder if this is some kind if reverse and the so-called partner is actually pushing to meet the OP’s child and she isn’t comfortable with jt.

I find this hard as I want to be together no matter what.
Relax woman. Perhaps he's picking up on this 👆 and is seeing his own red flags.

To be fair I live with my husband and spent more time with the builder doing the work on our house 😂

My friend used to introduce her child to boyfriends way too soon, at 5/6 they get attached so quickly, the child was so upset every time the relationships ended.

6 months full time relationship wouldn't be too soon for casual type introductions but 5/6 meet ups is way too early in a relationship.

You've met him 5-6 x? He's really not your partner, he's someone you are seeing.

I wonder if maybe you were really looking forward to being in another serious relationship and kind of dreamed what it would be like, a new partner, new figure for your dc. The thing is you are rushing to that hope/expectation instead of being in reality right now. You aren't a bad person, just take it slow. Your dc has probably the most to lose if he begins to like 'Mummy's friend' and then it doesn't work out.

It’s too soon but also how much will your cultures clash? I was born and raised in England but culturally DH and I have some differences but they are easily surmountable and no religious differences.

Yes, you’ve spent probably at most 24 days together if this is the case.

Too early, especially as long distance/casual relationship.

He’s not your partner.
If you lived in the same country, 5 dates would equal a month, maybe even less.
YABU.

This. I would run a mile from someone who is so desperate for me to introduce their child after 6months. Do you think children are stupid op? 'Mummy's friend' who stays over?
After 5minutes of knowing you?

It's too early honestly he's right

5 to 6 long weekends & you've already exchanged the L word. It's far too much too soon. You barely know one another. Sorry.

You have your son half the time. Meaning you don’t have him the other half. Thats plenty of time available to see a boyfriend/girlfriend.

Theres absolutely no reason the partner needs to meet your child ‘as a friend but who sleeps over’.

You have spent (at a guess) 20 days with this person. You don’t know them as a partner. You don’t know them in the same way you would if you were dating and seeing eachother a few days a week.

Wanting to introduce your child, because you want to see your girlfriend/boyfriend more is entirely about you and not what’s best for the child.

You've had 6 dates with this guy over 6 months
You're the red flag, not him

It's too soon. And you haven't been together all that time - you haven't had time to get to know each other yet. You partner is being wise and more considerate towards your child than you are.

Way too early, and thank goodness this guy seems to have his head screwed on well, unlike yourself. You must put your child first and above your own ‘wants’.

He’s completely right here it is far too soon you’ve only met him 5/6 times for long weekends what difference will waiting another 6 months make. The only red flag here is you.

They are not your partner, they are your boy/girlfriend of only 6 months. You should really be assessing whether potential partners are safe to be around your child.
You also need to understand what red flags are and avoid those situations.
https://www.nspcc.org.uk/keeping-children-safe/

https://www.freedomprogramme.co.uk/online.php