My partner doesn’t want to meet my son

[MintWasp]

Looking for advice on starting new relationships with children involved.

I’m a divorced mum of a 5 year old boy, who I share custody of.

Fairly recently, 6 months ago, I started a relationship with someone who lives abroad. They are open to moving country and say they like children.

Since we started dating we’ve seen each other 5/6 times for long weekends and we talk every day. We also work together.

We’ve exchanged the love word and are both talking about trying to build our relationship. However my partner doesn’t want to meet my son yet, and says it’s too soon. I would like them to meet but would introduce my partner as mummy’s friend. Nothing serious.

We’ve both said we want to spend more time together and there is no barrier on my side, apart from that I have my son half of the time. My partner lives and works abroad away from home, and often spends weekends alone or travelling back to their home country when I’m not available. I’ve invited them to come and stay a few times when I’ve had my son with me and they’ve refused. I find this hard as I want to be together no matter what.

I feel like if this continues much longer I’ll have to end the relationship. I want to be with someone who accepts me as a mum and enjoys spending time with my son.

Am I being unreasonable in wanting this to change? Is it too soon? Or is this a red flag?

Thank you for listening 🙏🏼

At least the random bloke is thinking of your child!

He sounds pretty sensible to me. Six months is nothing. To say you love each other says things are moving fast so may be he needs you to not put any more pressure on him.

This isnt a relationship. This is a holiday romance. He isn't interested in meeting your child because he wants a shag not to be a family man

This entire thing sounds completely ridiculous to me. How can you even love someone you’ve only spent 5 weekends with?

absolutely do not introduce this person to Your child.

'I want to be together no matter what' -this is terrible, have standards. Only introduce your kid to your boyfriend/girlfriend if it's in the child's best interests.
Some person you've met 6 times is a complete stranger and should not be meeting your kid. Do better.

Far too soon. You've met the guy 5 times. I've been with my bloke for over a year but he still hasn't met my child. Stop rushing! If it's meant to be then you've got the rest of your lives to move forward.

6 months in a part time long distance relationship is too soon.

Introducing as "mummy's friend" isn't helpful to your child.

It's not so much the time that I'm thinking is the big issue but your level of commitment to eachother. You're still fresh and thinking about the future. But until you have the big "yes this is it, this is the life and family we want and we're all in" you don't pull your kid into it. Your kid doesn't meet anyone that you're not certain you're going to stay with indefinitely. Your kid can't meet a string of "mummy's friends"

Actually just read you've met him 5 times. Absolute insanity to bring your kid into this. Have you met eachothers parents? Friends?

But this person isn't your partner and they have been perfectly honest with you about children so you either accept this and carry on having a bit of fun or call it a day and look elsewhere.

Why the rush im with him on this 6 months 26 weeks its to early. I wait a whole year so I knew him before he met my child.
And tbh honest it would be soon for me to be calling him my partner.
You sound a bit rushy bit of a red flag your self .
You dont know him you know nothing about someone by meting them 5-6 times and calling them your partner.

You’ve been together 5 or 6 weekends and you want him to become involved in your child’s life. It’s way too soon . If you’re only together for weekends so far it’s basically like a holiday romance. You don’t really know each other as you are all loved up for the weekend and no time for “flaws” to surface. Sorry but I think you are rushing things and he is correct. But I do hope it works out well for you.

Love this 😂

I agree with the others op, sorry. You haven’t spent enough time with this man in person. I’m not assuming he’s dodgy, but I don’t think you can realistically call this man your partner.

How old are you?
To be this stupid you know nothing about him get your head out the clouds and be a mum put your child first.

I agree with others that the red flag is from your camp and I’m surprised after sharing essentially a few weekends together that you’d be fine introducing him so casually, or expect him to want to spend time with your son? He probably still wants to just spend time with you because you’ve barely physically dated, so yes any time he has in your company he surely wants to spend with you doing typical “date” things and not being thrust into play dates.

I think you're getting way ahead of yourself, concentrate on your little boy, I get you're giddy with excitement for this new bloke but honestly, slow down love.

We exchanged the love word really i do that every time the mail man walks straight past my door no bills today.
You can not be for real is this a real post.
He`s not your partner you have met him 5-6 times so what is it 5 or 6.
Are you 18 cause you sound younger.

Talk about love at first sight your be married next week.
I dont think op will be coming back to answer any of us.

I’m sorry but what relationship? You’ve seen him 5/6 times and you want to introduce him to your son? Seems like a wholly inappropriate situation and one that could get messy in many ways.

6 months long distance? You're not partners.

This isn’t a relationship. It’s 6 dates

Hi OP

I totally understand the feelings of new love and knowing in your heart that you have met the right person. I've been there, sometimes you just know.

The thing is though, your relationship is still very young and you haven't really had the opportunity to see the negative side of his personality yet as you are still in the honeymoon phase. You'll both be on your best behaviour and likely not true to character. I look back now at messages between me and DH when we first met and I can definitely see how we were putting on our best act so to speak. With him living abroad, you've not had the opportunity to see how he interacts with his friends, how he treats his parents and wider family etc.

I think in these unique circumstances, it would be wise to give it longer before introducing him to your child. Children get attached very quickly and if it didn't work out, it could have a negative impact on their mental health. Additionally (and I don't mean to sound negative, just cautious), you need to keep in mind that considering you don't really know this person, you don't know yet if they are safe to be around your child in that capacity.

I think for your child's sake, you both perhaps need to spend a couple more years or so getting to know each other until you get to the point where there is zero doubt in anyone's mind about the future of your relationship.

If anyone is the red flag here it’s you OP. He’s 100% right and to be thinking of introducing your child to a man you’ve met 5 or 6 times is bonkers.

Good on him, he seems to realise that if you've only met for 5/6 long weekends, say 20 days, meeting your DS would be highly inappropriate.
He seems to be acting sensibly

He's not a partner he's a boyfriend. You hardly know him why on earth would you introduce your child to him. You need to work out what your relationship is, wait for it to be a serious long term commitment and then introduce your child with an open mind that it STILL might not work out for the three of you

Six months is a bit too soon, especially as you haven't spent that much time together. Give it a bit longer and see how it goes.

I understand him not wanting stay with you while your son is there.
And I understand the logistics of meeting your son for an hour or so given the distance may be tricky.
But not wanting to meet him at all is a bit of a red flag that he doesn't see this as seriously as you do....I think maybe he sees this as more of a casual relationship.