My partner doesn’t want to meet my son

[MintWasp]

Looking for advice on starting new relationships with children involved.

I’m a divorced mum of a 5 year old boy, who I share custody of.

Fairly recently, 6 months ago, I started a relationship with someone who lives abroad. They are open to moving country and say they like children.

Since we started dating we’ve seen each other 5/6 times for long weekends and we talk every day. We also work together.

We’ve exchanged the love word and are both talking about trying to build our relationship. However my partner doesn’t want to meet my son yet, and says it’s too soon. I would like them to meet but would introduce my partner as mummy’s friend. Nothing serious.

We’ve both said we want to spend more time together and there is no barrier on my side, apart from that I have my son half of the time. My partner lives and works abroad away from home, and often spends weekends alone or travelling back to their home country when I’m not available. I’ve invited them to come and stay a few times when I’ve had my son with me and they’ve refused. I find this hard as I want to be together no matter what.

I feel like if this continues much longer I’ll have to end the relationship. I want to be with someone who accepts me as a mum and enjoys spending time with my son.

Am I being unreasonable in wanting this to change? Is it too soon? Or is this a red flag?

Thank you for listening 🙏🏼

I'd think it's a good thing he's not wanting to jump straight into playing happy families with a child.

You need to protect your son, and shoving strange men into his life is not the way to do it. Honestly, I think you need to take a step back and look logically at the situation. You have only met this man a few times, he is not your partner he's someone you're dating why are you so keen for him to meet your son?

Just because you're -"Dickmatized"- enjoying your new relationship, doesn't mean you need to go at a hundred miles an hour.

For me that would be way too soon. I think it's ethical of him to refuse at this point, and your pushiness about it would be a red flag for me. A five year old attaches easily, and if your boyfriend was going to stay for the weekend, not all the temporising about 'mummy's friend' is going to stop him regarding him as a person in his life.

Utter bollocks. OP has seen the guy 5/6 times and you're seriously saying she she be introducing her kid to him.

Jesus Christ

You want to introduce a bloke to your son who you've met 5 or 6 times?
You are the red flag and need to be far more aware of safeguards for your son.
He's not your partner, he's not even your boyfriend.

He's right. Stop trying to force these men on your children for goodness sake.

Sorry, just read the 5 or 6 dates bit , you’re right.

Not a chance I would let anyone near my children until I was in a relationship a year plus full time. The odd weekend here or there is not fair, and children know who is a friend and who is a partner they read body language automatically.

Listen to your boy/girl friend they seem to have a healthy approach.

Good for him. I can't see how he's a partner though. Barely a boyfriend after so few meetings.

Too soon to use the term "partner", I think.

At this stage if the game he’s not your partner. He’s a boyfriend. He’s right.

I don't necessarily think 6 months is too soon to have an informal meeting of a partners child where you're introduced as a friend and meet up at the park for half an hour or whatever but this is not a normal 6 month relationship is it.

Due to distance you've met this person 5-6 times. That is nothing really. And by the sounds of it, this meeting would involve staying with you for days at your home with your child not just a quick casual meet up.

I think he's right.

This isn't a normal relationship, it's one you're going to have to work pretty hard at to keep going imo (moving countries to be with someone is a huge deal), so I wouldn't rush meeting your child either.

He's not a partner, he's a man you've spent about a fortnight with over a six months time frame.

I've spent more time with the builder who's doing our extension.

You're the red flag here OP

6 months is too soon

😅

I agree with him. It's too early.

Thank goodness he is being sensible. It’s unfortunate that you, as the parent, are not.

You hardly know this man, of course he shouldn’t be meeting your child. He’s not your partner when you’ve only met him a handful of times.

This.

🤣🤣🤣

I met now dh when ds was 5. He didn’t meet ds until he was 8. Ds didn’t even know he existed or that I was seeing anyone.

It was what I liked about dh. He didn’t want to meet ds until we were sure about our relationship. He didn’t want to come into his life and then leave again. it made me like dh even more to be honest that he was putting my sons feelings so front and centre.

Obviously, I felt the same way. I didn’t want different men coming into ds life. I wouldn’t have intruded him to anyone for a few years, until we knew we wanted to get married etc, and even then, we took it slowly with Ds for another year (he loved dh from the second he met him though, he’s 21 now and they are still so close!)

😂 funny but so tragically true.

Your expectations here are totally inappropriate OP. If you were acting like this I would run a mile if I was in his shoes

I met my stepkids after 4 months but I'd known my DH for 20 years. He lived in the same town and on the week's he didn't have the kids (50:50 custody) he basically lived with me in my house.

It's not so much the time scale but the fact that you've hardly spent any time with this person. A few fun long weekends doesn't really give you a good idea of how things are going to work out long term.

He is being cautious because he isn't ready to form an attachment or possibly isn't sure about a long term commitment to you and or he is a decent guy being mindful that their is a child's feelings involved.

It's far too early to introduce him to your son given that your in a long distance relationship.

🤣

Absolutely. He’s not your partner @MintWasp, he’s your boyfriend.

You aren’t ready yet.

You are future building far too soon. Fortunately he’s a decent bloke and worth hanging on to! 🤣

You shouldn’t be thinking about him staying over when your DS is there until you are sure it’s a long term thing and that doesn’t happen until it’s been a lot longer than this. Ideally kids never have more than one ‘uncle’!

Enjoy it as it is. Don’t rush to blend families, have more children, move him in. Just enjoy it.