Do you like being a parent?

[rowin]

Hey all, I have just found out that I am pregnant. I am 26 and not quite sure if I am ready to become a mother but know that I do want children in the future.

I am going back and forth constantly, one minute I think that I definitely will be going ahead with the pregnancy and am ready for the next chapter.

The next minute I think about my care free life right now and lack of responsibilities and think that I can't do it. I see those my age who have children and it makes me feel quite down thinking that it could be me having to do children activities and not being able to do what I want.

I am really struggling with this right now and am looking for experiences and advice from the wise (hopefully) people of Mumsnet.

Do you regret having children? Do you actually enjoy being a mother? Is it really the best feeling in the world like some say?

I hope this isn't an insensitive post, I have been extremely down in the past week since finding out so am seriously trying to make my decision.

honestly? No

My daughter was an easy baby, slept through from 6 weeks and is a dream. But being a parent is a bit shit.

Love her to bits but honestly, if I went back in time I’m not sure I’d be as keen to continue the pregnancy.

Editing to add I think it might depend on your life before kids, my life was very complete before, I have a great career, lovely family, great friends so having a child didn’t add anything, if anything it took away enjoyment from most of those areas of life. For some people who aren’t as ‘whole’ having kids really helps complete their lives so it depends

It has been the biggest and best adventure of my life.

Sometimes I love it, sometimes I loathe it. My DC are young adults.

@Antelopevalleys thank you for your honest comment.

What do you find shit about it? I feel like the pregnancy, scans preparing for the baby, bringing the baby home etc all sound so exciting. But I feel as though once that wears off, I would feel deflated and as if "is this my life now?"

What's your AIBU?

I was nearly ten years older than you at 35 and then again at 37 having mine
up u til then I travelled, did courses and had a great social life

in only getting my life back now a decade later (though career is going well, free time didn’t)

but I do feel that 26 isn’t a deal breaker in your life if you have support (you can get nights out etc) plus is it amazing and the love and grounding I feel from having them is so worth the lack of social life

@Podgedodge @Sususudio thank you both. I suppose having children is something that becomes your new normal I imagine?

@Ewoklady that is a lovely way of putting it, thank you.

I think that has a part to play in it, I enjoy going out etc on the weekends and know that I can't do that too often with a baby. But then the day after a night out, I think I'm not doing that for a while. So not sure if that alone is worth not going ahead with it.

I'm had my first at 28 and can honestly say I love being a parent.

However. I am introverted, love taking care of things, prefer being out in nature which I can do with DD.. and my life re friends etc hasn't changed that much.

It's a HUGE responsibility and although I love being a mum it's sometimes actually so hard because there is no downtime.

Oh yeah pregnancy was great, super fun. Having a small human reliant on you for survival - less fun.

To be honest my daughter is 3 so maybe I haven’t got to the good bit yet, but it’s pretty crap.

One thing no one told me about that I now make it my mission to educate others on, is the impact of going to nursery when you go back to work. On average children under 5 get 8-10 colds a year, most of which last between 2-3 weeks. If those colds get passed to you (likely) think of how long you spend unwell whilst also having to work and care for a child, who is most likely off nursery too. And that’s just colds. We are coming out of a bout of glandular fever - do not recommend.

Add insult to injury I spent £30k for the privilege (IVF) 😅

I never really wanted children. I was not maternal. I cried when I got pg at the age of 37 because I was so shocked and horrified by it all.

I LOVE being a mum. So much that I could not wait to have another one! Mine are now 13 and 11. I love it more than anything in the world. I adore my Dcs (and we had hard times as my older one has a number of disabilities). It is literally the best thing to have ever happened to me and I feel so grateful every day. The Dcs have enriched my life. they are my heart and soul.

I'm a mum to a 2 year old and I love it.
Is it always sunshine and rainbows? No.
Is it always doom and gloom? Also no.
I've learned to just embrace everything that comes with being a mum.

It definitely is a steep learning curve and everyone adjusts to it in their own way. I feel like I've found my feet as a mum (of course, now I've said that, DD will throw a massive curveball and change all of that!)
No 2 parents are exactly the same (as no 2 children are exactly the same) so you're going to get VERY varying responses.
Do you have a husband/partner or support system to help you through parenthood? I know I couldn't have done it without family support.

Should also add that I have a shared care arrangement with my ex (DD's father) so she's only with me 4 nights a week...I also work full time (Monday - Friday 8.30 - 4.30) so my response will be totally different to other parents on here.

I also feel like I'm exploring the world as my daughter does at this stage in her life. I feel like I'm having fun that I wouldn't normally have when hanging out with my adult friends. There's also nothing like cuddles with my little girl whenever she needs them. Quite often those cuddles soothe me as much as they soothe her.
Soft play is my happy place with DD as well :)
I don't think I've ever laughed as much at the funny things she does as well...I could go on but that's a snapshot of my life as a parent!

In all honesty it’s a bit like throwing a hand grenade into your life! I was 20 when had my first and not prepared, it was a big shock but I did manage to adjust. I must admit I was envious of my child free friends. Go with your gut feeling and don’t let anyone else influence your decision.

I have really liked being a parent (my dc are teenagers now), but I had my first when I was 34. I certainly would not have been ready to have a child at 26.

Pregnancy was fine (exciting the first time around). Childbirth was awful. Being a parent has been almost entirely lovely. I had pretty bad post-natal healty anxiety for a while (relating to a problem with my own health), but I never really found parenting hard. I was very lucky though- I had two easy dc who were good sleepers.

The love I have for my daughter outweighs absolutely anything and everything in this world. I love being HER parent.
But I'm not typically a 'baby person' and couldn't really care much about other kids 😬 I don't really know what to do with them. But with my daughter it's instinct and so so different.
I am her world and her everything, and this melts my heart.

Being a parent is wonderful in my experience, but it would not have been that way had I had a baby at 26, and were I not in a great long-term relationship with the other parent.

I have 2 boys and I love it, even on the hardest days/sleepless nights I've never regretted anything. Having a good support system makes the world of difference, my husband is brilliant and my parents are close by and always happy to help out.

I didnt plan to have kids then suddenly wanted them . loved the baby stage amd toddler stage and teen stage and now have amazing adult dc.
so proud of them.
however - i am a worrier and i found it hard to see them when they struggled - like if friends had had a fall out, exam nerves, them going abroad alone first time, split up from boyfriends etc- i took it all to heart and found it really hard when they were sad . Its like you lose your heart to me . When they are happy
am so full of joy- but when they have hard times i have hard times.

I do but I was 35 when I had my son. I wouldn't have felt that way at 26.

How sad

I love it and wouldn't change it for the world, but the first few years were hard, having a baby and a toddler was a challenge, but so nice now they're older and they get on really well. They're both school age, so not dependent on me 24/7, and are easy kids, compared to some of the others I know so that definitely helps! Dh is very hands on, senses when I need a break, and just takes over no questions, suggests I take some time out etc, he's always been a fab dad, and I am lucky to parent with such a patient, kind man. I would have struggled without the support network I have, family, and friends have been crucial. But those relationships have changed, my best friends now are certainly not the people I knew pre kids. The friends I've met through having children are friends for life, they have made such a huge difference in how life is with kids, without them it could be really lonely, so my advice would be to really try and form relationships with other mums who are going through the same things as you are. Be that at antenatal classes, baby groups, school gates. Good luck op

I find it very hard. I was 32 when I had my (only) daughter and it knocked me for six. I missed my old life so much. I still do a bit. The lack of freedom, lack of sleep, change to relationship, routines, worrying about childcare, is tough.

I'm 6 years down the road. I love my daughter to pieces and she is my best friend now but it wasn't always that way. I've grown to accept and understand my new life.

Do you have a partner and maybe parents that would be involved? This would help massively.
My parents aren't interested and my partner has never been very helpful. If I'd had these I might tell a different story.

At 26 I wouldn't have been ready to be a mum, not that I ever was. There are options open to you.
Good luck with your decision x

What does the father think?

What’s sad about the truth?

Speaking to new parents irl the only ones who actively enjoy being a parent are those whose lives were a bit crap before having children. Thankfully irl people are more honest I find and not fully in the sunshine and rainbows