Do you like being a parent?

[rowin]

Hey all, I have just found out that I am pregnant. I am 26 and not quite sure if I am ready to become a mother but know that I do want children in the future.

I am going back and forth constantly, one minute I think that I definitely will be going ahead with the pregnancy and am ready for the next chapter.

The next minute I think about my care free life right now and lack of responsibilities and think that I can't do it. I see those my age who have children and it makes me feel quite down thinking that it could be me having to do children activities and not being able to do what I want.

I am really struggling with this right now and am looking for experiences and advice from the wise (hopefully) people of Mumsnet.

Do you regret having children? Do you actually enjoy being a mother? Is it really the best feeling in the world like some say?

I hope this isn't an insensitive post, I have been extremely down in the past week since finding out so am seriously trying to make my decision.

Yes my mother was one of them . And I wouldn't have kids either now if I knew then what I do now. Mine thankfully are all grown.

I adore it. It's not easy and there are frequent moments where I feel totally overwhelmed and overstimulated. We are poorer, tired-er, have less time to ourselves, less sex, my body is a wreck. But it's hands down the best thing that has ever happened to me. I would do it all over again in a heartbeat. Being their mum and watching them grow is the greatest privilege of my life.

I've absolutely loved it. My kids weren't easy by any means, they're both ND and we've had some really tough times. But I adored them both from the moment I set eyes on them, they are the light of my life and I have never regretted having them for a second. They are 21 and 19 now.

@Msmbc yes to this.
Plus everything gets harder to do. Snails pace walks, getting into the car, getting ready. The stress of carrying a screaming child out of Tescos so it looks like an abduction.
Normal mess to clean up versus toddler mess.
Very little is left of yourself. However, I do love it and there are moments of pure joy in and amongst the crayon art work on newly painted walls. You can be told you're hated and loved in the same sentence. Best bits are the cuddles and seeing them achieve things.

Its been so hard, really really hard but there is nothing else I would rather be doing even if sometimes I do feel out of my depth.

There is nothing that compares to having my son and being his mummy

Not to be unpleasant, but you are not guaranteed to have this. I am an immigrant and my mum has no grandchildren near her. The way things are going, I expect many British people to emigrate too.

It's a mistake to expect your DC to be close to you, either literally or metaphorically.

@Sususudio well no I know that, I think you are taking my response a bit too literally.

I just meant that I would like to go through my life with having a big family around me. I know that having children and a large family is something that I know that I want in my future (if possible)

Fair enough, too literal!

Even though my 2 DDS were easy babies & really good kids I still struggled. I was never particularly maternal but I thought I 'ought' to have kids. Not the best reason really but I don't regret it. The toddler stage is probably the hardest with early mornings and broken sleep & just having to keep your eye on them all the flipping time. They are now 20 & 15 and great company. My eldest is at uni 200 miles away and we talk like friends most days. My youngest has a fantastic sense of humour & I am extremely close to both of them. I honestly don't know what else I'd have done if I hadn't had kids

DC is only three but yes, I LOVE being a parent, and am fortunate to have my dream of being a sahm.

However, I had my child at 40. I'd done all the travelling and partying etc and don't miss those things any more. Also, I have a supportive husband and no money worries. My child is generally pretty easy. I don't know if I'd have been a good parent in my 20s or with a challenging child.

On the whole though, I wish I'd had my first sooner. Life didn't work out that way for me, but I am sad that it was too late for me to have more than one.

Tbh, asking if you like being a parent is like saying do you like being married. Some do, some don't.

I only have one child. I wanted to get pregnant, I wanted to have a baby. I wasn't prepared for how life changing it is. In both good and bad ways.

That being said, my sister who is a year older than me (38) was umming and ahhhing and I said if you're on the fence don't do it. (Tbh her partner is an arsehole so that may have factored into my comment).

But it is harder than I thought. My preconceptions of parents and children have all been altered. I have a lot of guilt when I am doing something for me or if I go for a meal with friends.

If I could turn back time after knowing what it is like, I don't know I would do it again. I love my son so much, but I am so lucky that he was a very easy baby and has a very sweet personality (now 4 yrs old) - I love chatting with him but its just everything else - house, job, food shops and money and I just feel tired all the time.

Tbh, asking if you like being a parent is like saying do you like being married. Some do, some don't.

only up until very recently it’s been utterly taboo to admit you don’t like being a parent and to a great extent it still is.

@rowin If you want a large family, you need to start a little earlier - unless you're planning on having triplets.

Say you have one baby, breastfeed for a year, then go back to work for a long-enough period to have enough time served for another maternity leave. Then, there is the period of the next pregnancy, breastfeeding, and work. The time adds up, and it can also take a few months or even longer of trying.

Being a parent is hard and amazing at the same time, if you expect one or the other, especially the latter, you will find it harder to adjust. I had mine at 42, I wasn’t sure completely during the pregnancy if I was ready for it, 2 years later I can honestly say this child is the joy of my life, and yet I do also enjoy my time in the office for some me time. No regrets.

My baby was a complete surprise pregnancy but he has made my life so much better!! I was 25 when I had him and he is 2 and a half now and I absolutely love being his mum!!

I really love it, I however was desperate to be a parent and I was lucky that I could plan so that when they came along I could afford to work part time, so I have time to parent and maintain my hobbies and friendships without it being a big battle. Seeing those two little people every day is amazing.

I think it's just a shock as I don't know if I want to give up my current life right now, but then again I will probably always feel like this.

Having had similar thoughts, I won’t lie, saying it is a big adjustment would be an understatement, but I would never want to go back to my life pre children.

I was a different person before children. I much prefer this version of myself. Having children has been the best, and hardest, thing that has ever happened to me.

Not really

Go for it OP. DH and I had an amazing life by all accounts before DD1 arrived but honestly, it’s even better now. We have 5 girls now and wouldn’t change it for the world. It’s different, yes, but wonderful.

I love it, I'm honoured to be mum, my kids are great

It can be hard and relentless but I have never regretted having my children, in fact I wish I’d started earlier so I could have had more. Your life will change hugely so that’s something you have to be ready for. My four year old DS told me tonight as I was putting him to bed, I love you mummy, you’re my best friend. That right there makes every second worth it.

Honestly I absolutely love being a parent even though it’s not easy.
I have found these teen years the hardest with a dc who has MH issues.
I don’t feel like I gave anything up as I was young when I had them, probably missed out on stuff but I’m young enough now that I can still do all the things I may have missed back then.
They gave me a real purpose as when I fell pregnant I was free falling through life (what 18 year old isn’t?!) and I’ve just genuinely loved it all, the baby days, the toddler days, even really enjoying the teen years. One is living at uni now and one just about to finish college and the youngest is 13.
I don’t think i’ll ever not be worried about them in some way though! I have lost sleep with worry, got more sleep when they were babies tbh 😂

I feel like it’s opened my world up too, in this way: I used to go to the forest for a run and just fly through not really looking at anything properly. Now I go slowly, find the best climbing trees, peer at the animal tracks, admire a feather. Even walking round our neighbourhood, there’s always so much to discover.

Honestly, yes. It's the best feeling in the world. I have one much loved and much wanted dc. He's 18 now and a fantastic lad. I adored every stage of parenting from newborn through to teen years. Every stage brings different challenges and interests, it's never boring! Being a mum/parent is wonderfully rewarding with wonderful memories and unconditional love. Also, Me and DH loved each so much we wanted to create a baby of our own.

Love it.