Do you like being a parent?

[rowin]

Hey all, I have just found out that I am pregnant. I am 26 and not quite sure if I am ready to become a mother but know that I do want children in the future.

I am going back and forth constantly, one minute I think that I definitely will be going ahead with the pregnancy and am ready for the next chapter.

The next minute I think about my care free life right now and lack of responsibilities and think that I can't do it. I see those my age who have children and it makes me feel quite down thinking that it could be me having to do children activities and not being able to do what I want.

I am really struggling with this right now and am looking for experiences and advice from the wise (hopefully) people of Mumsnet.

Do you regret having children? Do you actually enjoy being a mother? Is it really the best feeling in the world like some say?

I hope this isn't an insensitive post, I have been extremely down in the past week since finding out so am seriously trying to make my decision.

Agree with all this ^

Funnily enough I'm type A at work but very relaxed in the home. I've loved being a parent and just rolled wth it - it's a lot nicer than I was expecting (every post I read online said it was hell and unmanageably hard)

Agree with this!

This isn't true. I switched jobs and got a promotion with a 30% pay rise after my first. My life is so much happier since I had her.

I'm sorry for your experience, but before I had kids this sort of post made me unnecessarily worried.

My life is a million times better since I had my DD.

Almost a year in and it has been the most wonderful experience! Everything she does is brilliant, funny, clever, adorable. Not biased obviously...

We waited so long for her (and spent a lot on IVF) which I do think makes us extra grateful to have her, but even without that I think we'd love it.

We didn't have her until 35 because of the fertility struggles, so we did have a lot of life experiences and freedom before her. There are still moments when I think "oh I'd really like to have a wild weekend at that festival" or even just go for a swim without having to think about when DH will be home to takeover. But our friends are at a similar life stage, so our social plans have adjusted. I think I'd feel quite differently if I'd had her young and was missing out on things my friends were doing.

26 is not that old, but it's also not that young for a child. I think it depends on where you live, your friendship group, where they're at in their lives.

Nothing comes close to it, for me anyway. I’m a SAHM to my DS, 2.5y, and I have never felt so happy and fulfilled before. He’s fantastic, just a happy, funny, fabulous little pal. I’m going away tomorrow for 6 days and I’m absolutely dreading it and wishing I never said I’d go because I’m going to miss him so much 🤣 I don’t get many hard days, they’re very few and far between, and they’re generally not down to DS exactly anyway.

The thing is OP that there are so many variables & you just don’t know what you’ll get. You don’t know how the birth will be, what sort of newborn you’ll have, how much they’ll sleep, whether they’ll have additional needs. You don’t know whether you might get pnd or Covid or cancer or have a DC with autism that can no longer attend school (all things that happened to me!). I love my daughter with all my heart & I have no regrets but the poster saying that surely people must know what they’re getting in to with parenting is wrong. You really have no idea because it’s totally unpredictable!

As an aside my mum had me at 25 & I know she found parenting really hard & has been honest about that. It doesn’t make me feel sad at all because I know that she loves my sister & i. She’s just very honest about the fact that she’s an introvert & found the lack of downtime a challenge.

Good luck OP with whatever you decide.

It's the best thing in the world and I can't think of a single downside.

I was adamant I didn't want kids and had even asked to be sterilised in my 20s but changed my mind in my mid 30s and had dds at 38 and 40.
I'm not sure if I'd have felt differently if I'd had them younger as I'd have been sacrificing my social life plus wasn't financially secure.

However by my late 30s I could afford to go part time so can do the school runs which I love doing and had already got fed up of pubs and clubs so don't feel like I've made any sacrifices.

They are now 9 and 11 and my most favourite people in the world.

I dont enjoy it and I hate that I feel that way. DS is 23 months and the tantrums and defiance are more than I can handle. I find myself crying every day. I've struggled since he was born with PND and keep hoping things will improve but they just get worse. He was so, so wanted and as with others we spent thousands on ivf. I knew it would be hard but I wasn't prepared for how I would feel and react to the hard bits, I dont know how you possibly could know that. Of course I love him more than anything but I often don't like him very much. Here's hoping one day it will get better

It's hard. I've gone through phases of enjoying and then not enjoying it tbh. When my life was settled and my kids were easier to deal with, I enjoyed it more. I'm now a single parent going through a divorce in my thirties after a few years of cancer treatment. I really struggle with parenting at the moment. I wish my children didn't need so much from me because I feel like I don't really have anything left to give. I feel so guilty that I feel this way! My children are 16 and 8 and their personalities are so much like their dad's rather than mine. I often find that hard to deal with because I just don't get them in the way that I'd like to. I'm hoping I'll enjoy it more again once my life isn't so difficult.

I would have them again in a heartbeat. I was in my early twenties with my first and found that easier than my last ten years later. Childcare for one is much easier and available. Having them gave me a forced confidence which eventually became real. I had a good life before but my times with them (and my husband) have been so special and my life is better with them in it.
I will always worry, I will never fully “switch off” and my body is slightly battered but the joy they give me far outweighs the sleeplessness nights and the awkward play dates.

I love being a parent in the main. I would do it again if I knew then what I knew now.

Yes sometimes the kids are annoying and frustrating, but it's great to see them grow and develop every day.

Mine are 17 and 11 now (and I was 21 and 26 when they were born) I honestly think there's never a good time to have kids, so if you know you want them, you might as well do it. Everything else will fall into place or you'll work for it. Where there's a will, there's a way.

I love my kids very much. But if I could do it all again, I would have stayed child free.

It is mind numbingly boring parenting a baby/toddler. I enjoyed primary school age, but now teenagers are moody wotnots!

If you get a baby that doesn't sleep, it is sheer torturous hell.

I had mine at 23 and 25.

From age 4+ I’ve loved it. It’s opened up my world so much.

I love being a parent. I have a 15yo son and 8yo daughter. They are both wonderful in different ways. Life is never boring with kids. It is very rewarding raising children. It's also pure luck mostly how they turn out! There is no manual. We are all winging it. You never really know if you've screwed it up until they reach adulthood. Generally though mine seem to be doing alright. They are bright, happy kids. They can come to us with anything (and they often do), we are fortunate enough that they don't want for anything like we did when we were kids (we are not well off but we both work and manage our money well). I'm very proud of my children.

You won’t know how it will affect you. You might hate it, you might like it.

Im 12 years in and overall I enjoy it. I think what makes it enjoyable is the child I have through. Since she was young we’ve had great conversations. I was also lucky with my support system and didn’t give up too much. Had a career and also managed to invest in hobbies. Although I am that mum that took my DD everywhere if I was struggling for childcare (if ahe appropriate). She was well behaved and it meant I could still develop myself.

I was 20 when I had her so I feel that I had “less to loose”. I’m now expecting my second in my early 30s and honestly I enjoy my old life so much, even with my DD that the potential change is freaking me out. I hope I enjoy parenting 2 children but it’s a scary thought not knowing the unknown and for me it’s pausing everything I’ve built and holding my breath until baby is old enough for me to press play again that making me anxious.

Overall I’m so glad I am experiencing parenting. But I’m also keeping my expectations low and planning to take each day as it comes. It’s also important to keep building your community.

I had my DD at 27 so similar age, then DS at 30 - I've loved being a mum, I get on well with my two, we have a lot of fun and home life/my marriage is stronger having children.
It's very expensive and my career has taken a hit - I couldn't afford two in nursery which meant I had such a lovely long time off with them pre nursery age. I'm 40 now and work is back on track but always a juggle and often stressful trying to be everywhere and do everything- saying that we have no support at all from family so it's on us to make it work.

You won't be a particularly young mum but do whatever is right for you.

I'm quite intrigued by this. What's it opened you up to?

I feel like my world has shrunk right down, to our house, school, playgrounds, parks, and child-friendly activities (which can be great fun but would not be my first choice). I find having a child incredibly restrictive - I can never just do my own thing, I always have to check whether my partner's free and available to parent first.

Being a parent is, for me, quite claustrophic. I accept it is just my life right now, but the idea that it's opened up anyone's world is baffling to me.

My world has definitely opened up. I took my DC everywhere. I travelled with them from when they were 6 month and took them to activities that weren;t just child friendly. It was harder, but not claustrophobic. As they grew, I learnt a lot from them.

This is how it is for me too. Going through the teenage years with two DCs now and it's so hard, the worrying never stops and I can't see and end to it. The baby, toddler and primary ages were a doddle.
Also, we had/have no family support whatsoever. Didn't mind when they were younger, as we managed fine with paid childcare but now they are at an age when they need us a lot emotionally and school work/extra curricular etc so it just seems busier than it's ever been. When they were tiny, the issues were small and surmountable and inconsequencial, unlike now.

Yes, I feel my world has shrunk down a lot. I was happy with that in the earlier years, but now I'm starting to resent it as it's getting harder not easier as they both have issues and DH and I still don't have the freedom we though we'd have.

I absolutely adore my daughter, but I honestly think I only had children because it was the 'next thing' after marriage.

I'm a very goal-driven person. I like my own space, my big hobbies and passions. Parenting is a very monotonous job which just doesn't suit who I am.

It's one of the reasons I've only stuck at one and I've finally got myself to a point where I have a good balance, but I can't help but wonder where I could be now if I didn't have her.

And with that, comes a lot of guilt. I have to stop myself comparing myself to other mums who spend every minute with their multiple kids, doing crafts and whatever all day. I'm the sort of mum who puts her DD into nursery so I can go do my hobby for a day.

I don't see myself as a bad mum necessarily, just not the mum I feel I 'should' be. My DD is happy and healthy, and me being the way I am, she's given great opportunities. But I'm very self absorbed and I would really struggle to put the needs of multiple others before my own. I can just about do it with one.

Might as well be honest. Thing is OP, we never really know until we give it a try, and at that point it's too late!

I don't think I regret my decision to have a child, but I perhaps would regret it if I had any more, knowing what I know now.

What the poster is saying that with hindsight she may have not chosen to be a mother. That doesn't stop her loving her daughter but not liking the parent obligations and lifestyle restrictions.

I enjoyed being a mother to one.
But my next two have autism and it's so hard.
I wouldn't be without them but I do sometimes wish I'd have only had one x

Everyone who is struggling with not having enough time for themselves, it goes quickly and gets a lot better! I am at the stage where I have too much timeon my own, and have to beg DC to spend time with me!

Thanks so much everyone.

I can't imagine not having children in my future. I feel like I'd love a big family, and when I'm an elderly woman would love to have my children and grandchildren around me (like my grandparents do)

I think it's just a shock as I don't know if I want to give up my current life right now, but then again I will probably always feel like this. I don't think that I'll ever feel that there is a 'right time' if you see what I mean?