Do you like being a parent?

[rowin]

Hey all, I have just found out that I am pregnant. I am 26 and not quite sure if I am ready to become a mother but know that I do want children in the future.

I am going back and forth constantly, one minute I think that I definitely will be going ahead with the pregnancy and am ready for the next chapter.

The next minute I think about my care free life right now and lack of responsibilities and think that I can't do it. I see those my age who have children and it makes me feel quite down thinking that it could be me having to do children activities and not being able to do what I want.

I am really struggling with this right now and am looking for experiences and advice from the wise (hopefully) people of Mumsnet.

Do you regret having children? Do you actually enjoy being a mother? Is it really the best feeling in the world like some say?

I hope this isn't an insensitive post, I have been extremely down in the past week since finding out so am seriously trying to make my decision.

I'm 50/50. I had issues conceiving and had a child with the wrong man. That's a huge regret but nothing I can do now. I find it tedious often but now he's 6 and able to do more it has gotten better.
I'm newly married and we have spoken about kids but I'm 37 and tbh I'm not keen to be kept child rearing until my mid 50s.

OP - you say you have a lovely, supportive partner and that you would like a family at some point - starting before you are 30.

Is your current partner the one that you foresee having this family with ? As I think that is key.

If you do see yourself with this person starting a family in a couple of years time - be aware that you can't guarantee of conceiving at the point that you hope. And having a baby doesn't mean that you will never be able to go out again.

OTOH if you are unsure of your partner, remember a child will tie you to them for life (in some respect).

In answer to did I enjoy being a parent ? Absolutely . I was 10 years older than you when I had DC and still wasn't too sure about it - but best thing I've ever done.

I had a happy life pre kids.Good friends and a loving family and valued my independence. I am very blessed to be a mum of 3. I do enjoy it. We have no family support, Dh is as much a hands on parent as I am which helps. I am confident in the choices I make as a parent and know I am truing my best. I work too and have routines foe myself which helps me keep on top of everything I need to do. It isn't always easy but it is rewarding for me at least.

Became a mum for the first time at 26 and it's the best thing I've ever done. The timing was good, I'm not an old mum (I don't particularly care about this but my 3 DDs seem to) but did mean I had the DC when I had plenty of energy (family completed by 31). I couldn't have coped with a new baby after 40, no way. There's a reason we are meant to have them earlier.

Honestly? with two teen girls and a 2 year old boy right now Id say Hell no!!! But i love them beyond comprehension, and the feelings you experience as a parent make it all worth it

Im 40 with a 16 year old, 13 year old and a 2 year old....I wouldnt recommend having babies this late. I am absolutely knackered and my body is destroyed, it didnt bounce back like with the older two and running after a toddler is exhausting

My DD also loves that I’m a ‘younger’ Mum. Even though I’m now approaching 40s. I had ‘older’ parents (had me early 40s so not really old by today’s standards) and it didn’t bother me when I was little but as a teen I hated it, I found it so embarrassing when people mistook my Dad for my Granddad. So I understand why my and your DDs feel this way.

It's both the best and hardest thing I’ve ever done. I was 37 when I had DS; I'd have liked to be a couple of years younger but unfortunately it didn't work out that way. However, I wasn't ready for children until I was in my early-mid 30s (didn't start trying till I was 34) and I’m very glad I got to travel, build my career and enjoy my freedom until then.

DS is nearly two and I still struggle with the lack of sleep, but he gets easier and more fun to be with every day. We're now facing the dilemma of whether to try for another or not; I’m not ready yet, but if we wait until DS is three or four (which would be my preference in terms of age gap) I'll be 40 or 41 and there's no guarantee we'll be able to conceive a healthy baby at that point.

I genuinely think there's never a 'right time' to have children.

I have two DDs and a DS on the way. Sometimes parenting is really hard work, but the delightful parts more than make up for it. I had my first at 31, but I do wish I'd had them a bit earlier in my life (not that I could have because I'd only been with my now DH for a couple of months when I fell pregnant with my first 😆).

My DDs are 2 and 4yo, but I feel like I have a 'normal' life that's not too dissimilar to how it was pre-children. Me and DH both work full time, I see my friends, we go out, we do stuff, I do stuff alone, I find time to do things I enjoy without feeling like I'm missing out on my kids' lives.

Hi there. I am an undergraduate psychology student undergoing my final year dissertation, and am looking into chat forums to study the representations of women who are unhappy being mothers. I have linked an information sheet covering everything you need to know regarding my study and the handling of your data, and would really appreciate if you could give this a read, and reply to this if you would not want your comments to be used. Thank you for taking the time to read this :)

I had my eldest at 27, she's 13 now and I have loved her (and her brother) so intensely, it's tiring and expensive but being a parent has made me braver, happier and excited for the future.

You have to commit, you have to surrender and you have to say goodbye to the life you knew before.

I could not disagree more with this and I think it’s terrible advice. Holding onto a sense of self is what keeps people sane in the early years of motherhood. So so important not to become “just” mum. People who do this are the same people who emerge in middle age feeling bleak, without any outside interests or friendships and feel they were robbed of who they were. Mothers are still people, not just vessels for other people’s needs.

It’s true that your life will change drastically and abruptly. You will have no free time for five or six years. You won’t get a decent nights sleep and it will be hard to maintain hobbies or a social life. Some friendships will fall be the wayside, maybe temporarily, maybe not. Life changes.

But that doesn’t mean you have to sacrifice who you are on the altar of martyred mothers. Hold onto yourself.

@rowin I certainly wasn't ready at your age. I was still in the early ish stage of my career and enjoying a very happy and active child free life. When I was ready I loved every second (and I mean every second) of being a parent and I still do now they are young adults. But I was secure financially, secure in my relationship, I had a nice place to live, lots of good friends- I'm not sure I would have wanted to do it without all that.