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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Which is preferable - weekday wedding or child free wedding?

208 replies

overgrowngrass · 23/02/2024 11:59

We are currently planning our wedding and shocked at how much everything costs. At the moment it looks like we might opt for either a weekday wedding to save costs, or have the wedding on a Saturday but without inviting children. The wedding will be in school holidays, if a weekday, as we have close family who are teachers.

As a parent, which is preferable?

YANBU - child free weekend wedding is preferable
YABU - I like to bring my kids, have it on a weekday

OP posts:
chipsandpeas · 23/02/2024 12:05

have it on a weekend, unless every single guest is a teacher there will be someone who has to take annual leave to attend

TinyYellow · 23/02/2024 12:07

I’m not sure the choice is that simple. How far away the wedding is would make a difference and the availability of childcare which propel often struggle for if their trusted babysitters are at the wedding and it’s going to be a long day.

Lots of parents wouldn’t want to take their child out to school or take a weekday off work, so if you go for a weekday, make it in school holidays so that people don’t have to waste an extra days holiday.

For me, I’d prefer to bring children to family weddings but have no problem leaving them home for friends weddings.

Usernamefoundunderthebed · 23/02/2024 12:08

Which of your guests MUST be there? If they have children then that answers your question.

StripeyDeckchair · 23/02/2024 12:08

Elope with both sets of parents as witnesses and have a party at the weekend inviting all.

BeardieWeirdie · 23/02/2024 12:09

Weekday weddings are so inconsiderate towards guests. Presumably not everyone lives around the corner from you, attending a wedding will take two days off work.

AnneLovesGilbert · 23/02/2024 12:09

It’s not that straightforward. If you want people to be there plan the event you can afford which is as convenient for your guests as possible. Weddings are what make them, if your budget is small have a low key celebration. That’s what we did. Still married and wouldn’t have changed a thing.

Cheeesus · 23/02/2024 12:10

Neither. Don’t want to use A/L and don’t have anyone to leave children with.

Tinkeytonkoldfruit · 23/02/2024 12:11

@Usernamefoundunderthebed has it right. You need to decide who your priority people are to attend. For example, I know within my close friendship group it would be easier and preferable to take a day or twos leave than find child care and also we would all want each others children there. I would work out who are the people you absolutely don't want to the wedding without, either you will already know what would be their preference or can ask them - rather than a bunch of randoms on MN who will all give you different answers! 😁

DappledThings · 23/02/2024 12:14

I've gone for weekday with children but then I really like weddings and am. happy to use some AL for one. As it's in the school holidays probably one of us would already be on leave anyway and we'd probably make a week of it as a holiday.

StamppotAndGravy · 23/02/2024 12:15

Rethink your plans. You can't afford the wedding you want so you're pushing the costs onto your guests via babysitters or annual leave. Have a cheaper wedding and stop being so selfish.

fluffycatkins · 23/02/2024 12:16

It is going to depend who your guests are, teachers with dc then a weekday wedding is going to work best.
Mostly working people without dc then a childfree Saturday one.
Both options are likely to require significant compromise from your guests.
The other option is fewer guests or a private ceremony and then a more general evening party which everyone can attend.

5128gap · 23/02/2024 12:16

My preference would be weekend late afternoon wedding, with no sit down meal just going straight into the evening party with a buffet and children welcome.

Untilitisnt · 23/02/2024 12:17

Weekday. No children😄

Brainded · 23/02/2024 12:18

Honestly @overgrowngrass you can’t please everyone so don’t even attempt it. I know plenty of ppl who would need to take A/L even if it was on a Saturday. Have it however and whenever you want. If they want to they will make it happen.

Twoshoesnewshoes · 23/02/2024 12:18

do whatever works best for you and is your preference. It’s your day.
people will with attend or not, it’s up to them.

Barleysugar86 · 23/02/2024 12:19

A weekday wedding will exclude all your friends with children too, unless you are having it in the school holidays. So might as well go for childfree on the weekend.

LemonLight · 23/02/2024 12:20

Weekend wedding is preferable imo. I don't want to use annual leave to go to someone's wedding. It's worse if you have to travel and have to take more than one day. I've had some years where there's been 5 weddings, if all of them had weekday weddings that would be a lot of annual leave!

Original poster
overgrowngrass · 23/02/2024 12:20

This is a good point. Two of my closest friends prefer without kids, one prefers with, one is neutral!

And yes I do agree that weekday weddings are inconvenient! But those who matter most would understand and hopefully won’t mind too much.

OP posts:
Wugglesworth · 23/02/2024 12:25

I've attended weekday weddings and it really irritated me that I've had to use up my annual leave just so the bride and groom can save money. I had to go because it was family, but I wouldn't go if it was imperative for me to attend.

Original poster
overgrowngrass · 23/02/2024 12:28

Barleysugar86 · 23/02/2024 12:19

A weekday wedding will exclude all your friends with children too, unless you are having it in the school holidays. So might as well go for childfree on the weekend.

From my OP:
”The wedding will be in school holidays, if a weekday, as we have close family who are teachers.”

OP posts:
Brainded · 23/02/2024 12:30

I find it really odd that ppl think that nobody has to take annual leave to attend a wedding on a weekend…loads of people work weekends and/or shift patterns that land on weekends. Not everyone works 9-5…🙄

Cheeesus · 23/02/2024 12:32

Brainded · 23/02/2024 12:30

I find it really odd that ppl think that nobody has to take annual leave to attend a wedding on a weekend…loads of people work weekends and/or shift patterns that land on weekends. Not everyone works 9-5…🙄

Depends on your social group. For me, 95% of my friends and family work Monday to Friday. Also the OP asked what I prefer and I’d have to take A/L so that’s how I answered.

Caspianberg · 23/02/2024 12:33

Not weekday.
We wouldn’t come to either I’m afraid. I wouldn’t take two weekdays off for a wedding, and I wouldn’t go to a wedding Ds wasn’t invited to as we don’t have any childcare and Ds wouldn’t want to be left with unknown babysitter (at a huge cost to us also).

We are actually going to two overseas weddings this year. But Ds is invited to both, and we will use as our actual holiday either Side of weddings (both 2-3 day long events)

CornflakesOnTheSolesOfHerShoes · 23/02/2024 12:36

Child free at the weekend. Like 90% of weddings I’ve been to. I’d never expect my children to be invited unless it was very close family - it would double the guest list and you wouldn’t be able to invite most of your actual friends!

Lanawashington · 23/02/2024 12:37

What kind of wedding are you thinking of? We had a weekend wedding with children allowed, but honestly the children really didn't add that much to the overall cost and it meant that everyone we wanted came as it was easy for them

But we did have the mumsnet hated barn wedding with a bbq so obviously it depends what type of thing you are going for