Which is preferable - weekday wedding or child free wedding?

[overgrowngrass]

We are currently planning our wedding and shocked at how much everything costs. At the moment it looks like we might opt for either a weekday wedding to save costs, or have the wedding on a Saturday but without inviting children. The wedding will be in school holidays, if a weekday, as we have close family who are teachers.

As a parent, which is preferable?

YANBU - child free weekend wedding is preferable
YABU - I like to bring my kids, have it on a weekday

I find weekday weddings a pain, I don't want to take annual leave for one, especially if it involves travelling. I'd go if I loved you though but I'd be miffed.

You might need to rethink your plans - can you have a weekend wedding with kids but cut your cloth a little better....

What are you spending money on - if it's tablecloths, chair swagging and photo booths and harp players then I'm unlikely to be impressed.

Decide what you want - a certain type of wedding or your friends there and comfortable with or without their kids....(but their choice).

@brainded I was just going to post this exact point.

It is also harder to get holiday at a weekend if you do not get given enough notice of the date, and being in school holidays it is even more complicated.

@overgrowngrass

Personally I would prefer a wedding with children involved, whatever day of the week, as I have a child with Disabilities and no one to look after them.

Ultimately it is you r choice and if people cannot attend so be it, you will have a great day whatever.

Weekend without kids but probably means only me OR DH would attend die to childcare. Weekday if local id bring kids but DH wouldn't book day off unless you were close to him. Weekday away is a nightmare. I did it for nephew because I love him. Night in a hotel, nightmare with taxis to hotel. DH had to take a day off to do school pick up day one and I had to rush back to do pick up day two. I love my nephew, I'd have done most anything to be there but it was still a PITA

I also think I’m odd because the idea of bringing my dc to a wedding just means no fun for me to be honest, I love them but the idea of sitting through all of that whilst trying to keep them semi entertained and happy is torture. I love my dc but I’d rather be able to attend the wedding and relax for the day and mingle etc. plus it’s an added cost trying to find suitable clothing for a child that they will probably only wear once. So unless it close close family…no dc for me. A weekend would actually be preferable for me but a weekday of you are close family/close friend wouldn’t bother me in the slightest. To be honest i can’t think of any wedding I’ve been invited to that wasn’t someone I’m very close to.

Weekend without kids.

This. I don't have children so I haven't voted, but something else to think about is that for any non-teacher childfree guests it's not always easy/possible to get leave in school holidays because the parents in the team book so far in advance.

Also, from a recent bride, really think hard about your compromises. Weekday weddings are usually really rubbish, people who've had one will argue otherwise, but they're crap. Lots of guests leave earlier than they would at the weekend because they don't want to take two days leave. It's just a different vibe on a Wednesday. Also under 12s didn't add anything to our cost, so consider that when choosing your venue. A CF wedding might not save you much money (but as a CF guest, would be my preference!).

Weekend wedding. Mid week wedding risks being quite boring, everyone will want to go to bed early, not drink etc. Plus people will remember you had a Tuesday wedding and resent and comment on it forever more.

You can't afford it. So stop, think about what it all actually means and what the fuck you are doing to your finances and make wise decisions.

Re annual leave at weekends - off the top of my head only one person on our guestlist works weekends, my young cousin. Most people we know are Mon-Fri workers, somehow!

Is it really that much cheaper to not have kids?

Qué?! 😂

Also, from a recent bride, really think hard about your compromises. Weekday weddings are usually really rubbish, people who've had one will argue otherwise, but they're crap. Lots of guests leave earlier than they would at the weekend because they don't want to take two days leave. It's just a different vibe on a Wednesday.

I really agree with this. Friday might be just about OK, any other day (including Sunday) means no real evening party, which is utterly depressing if the bride and groom still plan for one.

I would go weekend child-free every time.

People might say they don't, but honestly they will mind. We attended a Thursday wedding last year. It was a pain. It was a lovely wedding (if dull, as most people were driving and left around 10), but when I think of it all I remember is that it took up two of my precious days of leave and it wasn't really worth it. I'd never tell the bride and groom that though.

Weekday wedding, because that way I can not go with a clear conscience.

I'd be annoyed to take A/L particularly if travel involved and had to take more than one day. We considered a Friday to get the venue we wanted and it was the same price. Mon-wed slightly cheaper but not significant. We ended up booking a year later to get a Saturday.

Have the wedding on a weekday in term time.

The entire universe does not revolve around teachers and their holidays in the way most of them think it does.

Yes, it will save around £2k to not have kids (food plus cost of using the venue’s additional structure needed to seat the extra people). It will save around £3k to have it on a weekday.

Really? I've been to a Wednesday and a Thursday wedding. Both were full parties going to till past midnight and I never heard anyone complain about annual leave.

One of those I cracked at 3am and went to bed. An hour before the bride's mother and two hours before the couple!

"Qué?! 😂"

You don't understand? Well, to be clear, you're pushing your finances further than they can go and for what? A wedding?

The important thing is the marriage, half of which end in divorce, which is also very expensive. Make better decisions from the beginning and you might stand a better chance.

Also, neither weekday or child free would be my preference. I'd prefer to know my loved ones were being sensible with their money! Elope.

I think it really depends on the crowd. When I was in my 20s and childfree I would have happily gone to a weekday wedding that involved days off because I didn't have a lot of demands on my annual leave. So if that's you and the majority of your guests then I'd do that one.

However now I am in my 30s and I have a child and so do many of my friends, so we really need our leave to cover family holidays, school holidays, days child is off sick etc. So it would be a harder decision now.

But equally a childfree wedding would be hard for me now too! Depending on the ages of the guests' children they might not be overnight-babysitter ready yet and might cause many parents to leave very early/not attend.

Pushing our finances further than they can go would be taking a loan or going over our budget. We have a budget, we don’t want to elope thanks. Take your bitterness elsewhere.

I've been to around 6 (I think, counting quickly on my hands!) mid-week weddings and every single one people started leaving straight after dinner and by 10pm it was quiet to the point it was embarrassing.

Are you factoring in people who won't attend? Statistically you're likely to get 10-20% of your invited guests declining so paying for the additional structure might not be necessary. Also if numbers are limited, is it definitely the right choice to cut the kids from the list, or are there adult guests you're inviting that you're actually less close to? (Again, I love a childfree wedding, but if you have a circle who mainly have kids it might mean people have to decline or leave early).

Only you know how many of your guests have DC, what ages they are and if they have childcare cover.

Given a choice between those two options I'd go for childfree at the weekend, but if for example one of your siblings has DCs that's going to be very tricky.

Is this the only venue where it can be held ? Are there no cheaper options - your guests will prioritise convenience and ability to attend over a beautiful venue.