Which is preferable - weekday wedding or child free wedding?

[overgrowngrass]

We are currently planning our wedding and shocked at how much everything costs. At the moment it looks like we might opt for either a weekday wedding to save costs, or have the wedding on a Saturday but without inviting children. The wedding will be in school holidays, if a weekday, as we have close family who are teachers.

As a parent, which is preferable?

YANBU - child free weekend wedding is preferable
YABU - I like to bring my kids, have it on a weekday

Yes, heaven forfend OP should try to have a wedding she can invite all her friends to. Bet she won't even be wearing a dress she's woven herself or feeding her guests Tesco meal deals.

Trying to find the way to make it easiest for her guests and to make it a joyous celebration with more than 3 people is definitely unreasonable and likely to lead to divorce.

"Pushing our finances further than they can go would be taking a loan or going over our budget. We have a budget, we don’t want to elope thanks. Take your bitterness elsewhere."

Bitterness 🤣

I deal with peoples finances regularly and your behaviour is very familiar, that's all. If you're having this difficulty over just 2k then you would be wise to take a step back at this point. That's all, you sound very naive but determined to press ahead regardless. That's a mistake financially.

Friday weddings are often a nice compromise, only one day off work for most people and cheaper than Saturdays. We've been to child friendly and child free weddings in the last year we have both sets of grandparents happy to babysit overnight, neither childfree have been weddings all grandparents were invited to though, then we'd be scuppered. We did go to a Friday wedding recently with both sets of grandparents and DC that was lovely.

I wouldn't take the day off work and probably wouldn't come if my child wasn't welcome either.

I'd probably go for option 3. Weekend, with children, but low key eg village hall style

It’s not that simple! Week
day means taking time off, so I would only come for close family. Also can be harder to get kids looked after midweek if I was to not bring them because I just didn’t want to!

Weekend - probably better, but I wouldn’t ban kids from a wedding. I think it’s a family event and nice to have all ages. We had buffet style food lunch and dinner which worked well price wise for allowing for kids to be there…

"Is this the only venue where it can be held ? Are there no cheaper options - your guests will prioritise convenience and ability to attend over a beautiful venue."

Apparently it is the only venue. Making financial compromises and wise decisions is akin to weaving your own dress around here 🤣

The last thing I would want at a wedding is children so I would definitely go for the child free option.

We are having a weekday wedding albeit a Friday, nothing to do with costs particularly just it was what suits us best.

You won't please everyone regardless of what or when you do it.

But your wedding day is the one day you get to be as selfish as you want and do things exactly as you please. Yes that may mean some people can't or won't come but ultimately you aren't getting married for them.

Weekday weddings can be good, but there's no denying you're introducing an element of risk when most of your guests are Mon to Fri workers. The ones I've been to that were great were all on either Thursday or Friday, which I suspect made a big difference.

Don't make plans assuming you know how many people will come (either way!). We very nearly invited more people than our venue could hold because we only set a wedding date five months beforehand so lots of people and online info said we'd have a big decline rate. Thank goodness we didn't as we got one person out of 80 decline!

How many kids are you inviting? And how much extra space do they need!

Yep, it's a gamble. Also some of the declines may be people who surprise you and you'd think would be definites, it's all such a guessing game.

Just declined a week day wedding. Not prepared to use 2 days AL each plus DD miss two days of school

Not a weekday.

I disagree. The wedding day is about the bride and the groom. I know if someone I loved and cared about invited me to share their big day I wouldn’t think twice about having to book the day off.

"I know if someone I loved and cared about invited me to share their big day I wouldn’t think twice about having to book the day off."

Until you realise you've booked holidays already for your leave. Not everyone just has leave sitting around in case someone has a weekday wedding.

We won't be able to attend on a child free wedding as we can't orgonise child care (no family or friends leave near by).

We also couldn't do week days becouse of our jobs.

To be honest, we had a lockdown wedding with only 8 people in the garden- best day of my life and wouldn't change a thing. Ended up saving tens of thousands which went towards our honeymoon and house. Best decisions ever made.

Yup. I straight don't have the days, end of story. Every one is accounted for. Weekday wedding would get an immediate "regret can't, best wishes".

Do what’s best for you not other people.

Childfree is pretty standard because most venues have limited capacities and people get it. I’d go for that.

if it doesn’t work for your guests they don’t have to come, but im sure you understand that!

I think childfree at weekends is best. When my children were little we would bring Granny along to look after them at a nearby hotel or holiday house etc. We lived a long way from Grandparents but it made it an adventure and memorable event having Granny or Grandma for a weekend away.
We do have an adult DC with LD and often have to go to events on our own. One goes one takes DC on an adventure nearby. Grandparents all dead now.
I love it when she is included but had a fantastic time at a friend's DD wedding on my own.
Whatever you do somebody is bound to moan. It seems to be human nature.
Therefore, do what you want and I wish you a long and happy marriage.

Weekday wedding, so much cheaper. I went to a Friday wedding, it was small but felt very emotional and fun. There were fewer bored-looking people.
The superiority of lots of Mon-Fri workers is incredible. Happy to use the services of people who work weekends but think they should have to use half their AL for family events so weekday workers don't have to use 1 day. It's very classist.

As you have said most of your friends/family work Mon-Fri then I would definitely go for a weekend wedding.

I would begrudge taking 1 or 2 days annual leave for a wedding and I think a lot of people would feel the same.

Does it have to be child-free for the whole thing? When I got married we had no children at ceremony due to space limits but said people could bring kids to evening. Ceremony and evening were different location so some people popped home and grabbed kids from grandparents etc on way to evening do.

For our evening only guests we told them to bring kids if they wanted. Some did. Some didn't.

The OP has said only 1 of their guests is a weekend worker so in this case it makes more sense to inconvenience 1 person instead of dozens.